[*Luna*]

Hi there,
I have been planning a trip abroad for over a year (we leave january 10th) and my ex has suddenly decided to withdraw his consent to permit me to take our daughter for the four months we had agreed on. He has no valid reason to do so and is using his anger toward me to gain power and control and it is breaking my daughter's heart.

We have had a court ordered 50/50 custody agreement for exactly 4 years and he has not followed it for over 3.5 years and is suddenly expressing interest in a very awful way. I have initiated counseling, discussions, alternatives for him to make up the time with her before and after the trip and he is just fighting this for no reason. I have gone overboard with preparing for this trip (Kenya for the World Social Forum and India to visit monastaries and homeschool, etc) and have given him every detail about homeschooling, where we will stay, who we will be with, etc. I also have another daughter who will be with us and I do not want to keep them apart.

Anyhow, I have begun to take legal steps toward getting the court's permission totake her, absent his consent. Does anyone have experience with this? I am so stressed and upset about the whole situation.

Thank you.

 

[freewitheft]

Honestly, if he's doing this out of anger, the best thing you can do is not let him get to you. And if you can't help it, at least don't let him know it.

"Oh well, I can always do a trip some other time, if you decide to be reasonable" - then don't bring it up anymore. Let him know that you aren't going to let him bait you into an argument over *nothing*, for your dd's sake. Even if you don't make the trip, he can't really count it as a "win" if he didn't make you miserable over it.

Hang in there mama!

 

[Holland73]

Was his initial consent verbal or in writing? If it was in writing, with his signature (preferably notarized), then you shouldn't have any problems.

If it was verbal consent, then the situation is a lot more stickier.

I can completely understand why you would be so upset and frustrated, but maybe you should try to sit him down and talk to him, calmly, about his concerns or whatever else is bothering him.

 

[MsChatsAlot]

I don't have any related experience, but I do think that if you present all the facts and the ways it will benefit your daughter (and the stress of being apart from your and your other daughter and knowing she will miss the trip) etc. will carry a lot more weight in the court than her dad throwing a hissy fit and wanting to take his ball and go home.

Not sure how old your daughter is, but could you have her write a letter to her dad explaining her feelings and why she wants to go? Perhaps when it comes from her it will carry more weight with him. It would also be helpful to have to give to a judge if you do have to take it to court.

I will send positive energy your way hoping that it will be resolved and she can go. It sounds like an amazing opportunity for any person.

 

[*Luna*]

Hi everyone and thank you for the good advice.

I have been discussing the trip for at least a year and have tried everything from typing up itinraries, getting a list of numbers and adresses and contacts of where we will stay, who we will be with, etc. I have tried and tried to talk to him and even went to a couple of counseling appointments (that I initiated) and he is still being a control freak. I have been calm and rational and he is being awful to us.

In addition to the trip being family focused, I have been given grant money from a couple of organizations in my community to attend the World Social Forum so I can come back and teach workshops on global justice issues in addition to presenting my mini research on women, culture and land uses issues in India. All of this is supposed to be helpful for my career as a professor, doctorate student and comunity educator. I hate that he is trying to block the opportunity for his daughter to have a mother with a meaningful and abundant career helping the world to not suck.

Ugh.

Thanks again and I will update you when things move.