Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 32 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,360 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have an online friend. She and I have been talking for at least three years. She is originally English but living in some place in Africa- not sure where exactly now as her job has her moving a lot. She has four children; when I "met" her, she had one- K. (I'll leave her name out of it.)<br><br>
Well, K is about 10 or 11 now. She was adopted - she was someone's "wife" in a tribe and her mother (my friend) saved her from that life. She also has an older blood-sister by maybe four years who was infibulated; she was adopted, too, but a few years later, and has had surgery (expensive!) to correct the mutilation, as best they could. K, in the meantime, felt bad for her sister of course. She and I would chat sometimes online while her mother sat by... and she has two other sisters now by adoption, close in age- similar stories, although out of all 4 girls, only the teenager was mutilated.<br><br>
All of them were living in a nice, expansive house by the sea with many pets and animals... A lovely time. They aren't without problems though- just a lot of hard luck, and not what I should probably post here as its not really the point, except to say they perserver and it is amazing how this little girl keeps her good spirits.<br><br>
Well, yesterday, I heard from K and her mom again- had been a while. K is a small, cute, little dark-skinned girl with braids... And as I say, a sweetheart through and through. But last night, her mother told me that while she was away on work six weeks ago for about 3 days, the babysitter had tried to pick up K from school and was told that her grandparents had picked her up! Something like six hours later, K was dropped off at the end of the driveway, in a state of shock and bleeding.... She'd had her clitoris completely carved out, as well as her inner labia removed. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"> (However, she was not sewn up, and her outer labia are apparently still intact, which makes me think probably the "wishbone" part of her clitoris is still intact.)<br><br>
So when K came to IM with me, we just talked about her pets that she'd gotten recently and funny things about how the medicines at the hospital made her feel really loopy- she spelled out "morphine" REALLY strangely <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> - and how her new pets are really fun. I could picture them in their huge yard.... Then she started talking with me about her surgery- she calls me "Auntie Jennie"... Her mother had told me she was keeping a stiff upper lip, but I just have a feeling that even though she seems bright as ever, the light in her has been dimmed for life. She asked me if she will "be the same" and I said "that it will be different"- but not completely so, as removing parts is removing parts, while thinking to myself that she is still just a child and she has not experienced sex yet. Its the best I could come up with as truth, without getting into a huge discussion with a child. She told me she fought and fought and bashed her grandfather in the head, to no avail. (And from what I've heard from her in the past, she is a little spitfire!!) I feel so bad for her. Here is someone I have "known" for quite some time and grown to care for and this horrible thing has happened. Her mother said there is no recourse in Africa because FGM is legal- the only thing she can do is charge the grandparents with kidknapping and assult. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> They will get about 10 years, she thinks. NOT ENOUGH!!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,020 Posts
WHY WHY WHY do things like this still happen?!?!?!?! That poor little girl! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl">:
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,219 Posts
I've decided to go out and get blue and pink ribbon and make a bunch of these: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/ribbonpb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="pregnancy and infant loss, SIDS, male breast cancer, genital integrity">: and put them everywhere I can think of.<br><br>
My thoughts are with her as she begins this journey of healing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,320 Posts
JESUS!<br><br>
What country in Africa is this?<br><br>
Where was the girl staying when she was kidnapped by her grandparents?<br><br>
What a barbaric assault! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,435 Posts
Absolutely horrifying. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br>
How can anyone do that to a child?! male or female?!?!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,757 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Lauren82</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8210810"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Absolutely horrifying. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br>
How can anyone do that to a child?! male or female?!?!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Seriously! OMG <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,101 Posts
Oh.My.God. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,031 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br>
That is so sad for that little girl.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,360 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Papai</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8210802"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">JESUS!<br><br>
What country in Africa is this?<br><br>
Where was the girl staying when she was kidnapped by her grandparents?<br><br>
What a barbaric assault! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
She was taken out of school before the babysitter could get there. I've edited my original post with a few clarifications. Thanks for reminding me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,320 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Nathan1097</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8211212"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">She was taken out of school before the babysitter could get there. I've edited my original post with a few clarifications. Thanks for reminding me.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Oh no. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
That's terrible. I wish I knew which country it was so, so I could make sure not to visit!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,360 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Papai</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8211290"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh no. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
That's terrible. I wish I knew which country it was so, so I could make sure not to visit!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Many African coutries practice FGM. If you want to know the exact one, I might be able to find out, but its not really the point, I'm afraid.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,320 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Nathan1097</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8211301"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Many African coutries practice FGM. If you want to know the exact one, I might be able to find out, but its not really the point, I'm afraid.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I know that many do, but some have legislated against it, like Eritrea. So that's why I wanted to know which one it was. And also to see how prevalent it was in that country.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,360 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Papai</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8211335"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I know that many do, but some have legislated against it, like Eritrea. So that's why I wanted to know which one it was. And also to see how prevalent it was in that country.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
I know that they have moved quite a bit in recent times due to her mother's job. I am not sure where they are lately and actually, her mom is in the military so I probably shouldn't even say where they are at all. Sorry. I am privilaged to some secret info....<br><br>
To make matters worse, K was friends with my daughter, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,213 Posts
omfg that poor child. People f'ing suck. This needs to end, cutting on children's genital needs to f'ing stop now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,320 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Nathan1097</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8211356"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I know that they have moved quite a bit in recent times due to her mother's job. I am not sure where they are lately and actually, her mom is in the military so I probably shouldn't even say where they are at all. Sorry. I am privilaged to some secret info....<br><br>
To make matters worse, K was friends with my daughter, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Oh ok. I understand then.<br><br>
God, this story is so sad though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
149 Posts
OMG. If someone did this to my child, im sorry, but there would be no grandparents after I got done with them. How horrible...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,360 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ajbaby</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8211680"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">OMG. If someone did this to my child, im sorry, but there would be no grandparents after I got done with them. How horrible...</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Well, actually, her mother said she REALLY had to restrain herself- being in the military, she is more than capable.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,973 Posts
How Terrible. I don't even know what to say. It is really hard to believe that this is even a true story.<br>
I know it is...it is just unimaginable to me<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
173 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Nathan1097</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8210647"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Her mother said there is no recourse in Africa because FGM is legal- the only thing she can do is charge the grandparents with kidknapping and assult. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> They will get about 10 years, she thinks. NOT ENOUGH!!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Actually, FGM is illegal in a lot of African countries and 10 years is not what it should be but 10 years in an African jail isn't a picnic either so I hope you're friend pursues this VIGOROUSLY. Please keep us posted.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,435 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"> :puke<br><br>
My stomach is just clenched with sadness for all the suffering.
 
1 - 20 of 32 Posts
Top