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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My one-year-old, like many others, is embarking on her new found independence and the world with her ability to walk. With this comes her eagerness to test me. I realize that she repeats the same testing behaviors over and over again because she is curious. I don't yell, and prefer not to say no or don't do that. However, when she is ready to do something that I am afraid will hurt her, I am eager to say no! Can anyone tell me some other way to react that will not scare her. It is such a normal gut reaction as a mama to go to say no when your child is doing something that may eventually lead to hurting themselves.
 

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well, I think a (very) few nos are ok particularly in a dangerous situation. It's useful to have a word (or tone) that will stop her in her tracks, for the very dangerous behaviour. I understand about not wanting to use no tho. What I did when Fern was that age (still now sometimes) is point out the danger (for example in her early walking days she often didn't notice where there was a curb or step and would trip over it, so I started saying "step! watch the step" rather than no or stop or watch out which are too general) it probably takes longer til she gets the particular concept than if you use no! all the time, but in the long run she is more likely to heed the warning and more likely to take the rare no! seriously.<br>
We <i>have</i> overused the word no lately (it gets harder as they get older <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> she's 15 minths now) and she recently went through her own no-no phase.<br>
How do you limit her with the other testing behaviours? redirecting?
 

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Good for you for being committed to not yelling, & for wanting to do better than those constant "No"s. I'm not comfortable with characterizing a one-year-old's behavior as "testing," which implies a degree of calculation and interpersonal intention a one-year-old simply cannot muster, developmentally.<br><br>
My advice: <b>Redirect, redirect, redirect.</b> At this age, redirection should still be your very best friend.<br><br>
You will get sick of it, but as you noted, her drive to explore is very strong. She can't understand your logic in what is off-limits. She can't generalize yet. She has very limited self-control, so even when she finally does understand, she may not be able to make herself stop. Even if she underdstands and wants to comply, she may not always remember -- one-year-olds can't hold more than one thought in mind. It's good to be really sensitive to your environment, child-proof like mad, avoid known stressors, and anticipate her move and your countermove. Example: you go to grandma's with her beautiful ceramic umbrella holder. Dd makes a beeline for it. You remain unfazed because you KNEW this would happen and so you are prepared with an attractive alternative -- an intriguing question, an animal cracker, a favorite book, the offer of breastmilk, a little song, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
"I'm not comfortable with characterizing a one-year-old's behavior as "testing," which implies a degree of calculation and interpersonal intention a one-year-old simply cannot muster, developmentally."<br><br>
Thanks you for putting it into better terms. I know that she truly isn't testing me, more learning and exploring. You are so right developmentally she can't understand. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 
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