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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
The birth of Ajani Sky

I wrote this as a story for Ajani and decided that instead of taking the time to edit it for you all- (or never getting it posted to you!) that I would just share it as is. It is LONG! You are forewarned!

Born 8/4/15 at 11:58 pm.
7 pounds 10 ounces and 20 inches long.

On Sunday night, I woke up with lots of bloody show and pooping. I was having short small contractions but not enough to keep me up. It lasted all through the day Monday. I texted Adele Monday morning while in bed still around 9am to let her know. She was at another birth and I told her not to worry, things were still really early. Throughout the day, I had shortish irregular (spaced apart) contractions. They were light enough to be able to think about other things, pick flowers, pay bills, take naps..

By 3 am on Tuesday morning, I called Adele to tell her that I was having a hard time figuring out where I was- I was shaking a bit with the contractions and they were longer and closer together. I was having a hard time timing them though. Still getting occasional bloody show but not much now and no more pooping! I was managing them fine though and not at all overwhelmed. She came over by about 3:45am and started filling the tub that your dad had set up outside for your birth. I got in and it felt amazing. Something though made me ask for Adele to check me. She did and I was only 3cm dilated! Wow, so, we got out of the tub and went to bed to try and sleep and rest and see what would happen. The whole day of Tuesday flowed like this. We were contracting and these hurt! However, I was still in prodromal labor land- still having contractions spaced apart and of uneven duration. I went from the bed to the bathtub to the toilet to the bed again all day long. I was tired and lost in the event of the pain and contractions and want for sleep. While in the tub, I checked my dilation and felt your bag of water pressing and strong against my cervix. Oh, I was still dilating and still had a ways to go. I got out and went back to the bed. At some point, your dad came to me upstairs and climbed in bed behind me- he must have had absolutely no room! He curled up into my body and held me through each contraction. Then we would fall asleep. His presents helped me to ground and feel safe and held. It was so precious and I am forever grateful for that time with him. I don’t know the passage of time that day well. It was forever and yet it was just a day. It seemed to me that we were there in that moment for hours. Adele and Sonya, your midwives, were here and came and went, helping me to cope and not feel alone and to find my way. After Andrew got up, Sonya came to be with me and I told her that I needed something for pain- homeopathic or otherwise. I told her I didn’t think I could do this and that I was lost. So, she began looking for a remedy. She went down stairs and came back with Pulsatilla- the one that Heiner had prescribed- I don’t know how they found it tucked away in the box of supplements. She brought it up and gave me the first dose. The next contraction was hard and strong and sucked. I started vomiting. Your dad and Adele were downstairs talking in the kitchen. At some point, soon, they both came up to join us on the bed. At 15 min. intervals, I was given a dose of pulsatilla. The contractions started coming stronger, more frequently- no more long breaks. You got into it and were kicking to instigate those contractions! Those long legs of yours kicking out my left side, just like they had been doing all pregnancy- Adele kept smiling and exclaiming about you and your sweetness. The next dose of puls and the next contraction was hard and long- I vomited hard and your water broke. We’ll have to check the charts for when that was but the day was ending and it was around 5 or 6. I had been saying that I didn’t think I could do this and that I was lost and to please pray for me. Adele had said it- that we are praying for you. I kept repeating this, asking for prayers, for strength and for guidance. Andrew was right behind me. Holding me. He would stroke my butt and back during the contractions. Adele would give me her hand and Sonya would rub my legs. They would coo about how I could do this and was doing it and was doing great. To relax my ass. I was shaking heavily with adrenalin as the contractions would come and go- my body uncontrollable. Adele left to go fill the tub outside. Andrew left to help her set up a screen for privacy. It was still daylight! They came back upstairs and in a break, I got up and walked down with Andrew and Adele helping me- all the way down both flights of stairs and into the tub. The water was hot and felt great.

Once in, no one touched me. I felt spaciousness but also struggled to not have all the contact helping me with the contractions. We labored like this, each contraction rocking me as I would come off my knees and move forward to stretch out on my belly during the contraction- it helped to move! Then I would crawl back up sitting on my knees. I was hot- it was really hot during the contractions being that submerged. They added some cool- it felt great to having that running during a contraction- so cooling. It seemed like it happened quickly but I started uncontrollably pushing during contractions- a little at first. But it hurt and I did not expect this. It was the pain of pushing against a cervix and yet I could not control it. Your dad came back and Adele and Sonya were in the kitchen. I faced him while he was sitting in the chair and checked where you were. I found anterior cervix slung across your head- your sweet head! I pushed the cervix and it was really responsive, stretching and easily moved. I pushed up past my pubic bone as much as I could. Your head was right there at my pubic bone. The next contraction was stronger but still I felt that cervix pain. So I did it again, pushing it back to get it out of the way so you could come down.

At some point, it no longer had my attention. We were pushing for good- strong, uncontrollable. I was not instigating this- it was my body, unavoidably doing it. It hurt. I was still hurting. Ouch. Into my butt, stretching and then into my perineum. It got dark while we were doing this. Adele says we pushed for 2-3 hours but we’ll have to check. The time actually passed quickly comparatively- it took SO MUCH focus for me in this time to get through the contractions. It hurt really bad and also I no longer questioned if we were going to do this. I had no choice. I started telling you that we were close, that soon we would meet. I was doing this to calm myself and to pull through. The whole time, you were amazing. Your heartbeat was always strong and you were always present and involved. Around the bend of my pubic bone, I stretched and stretched as you came down further with each contraction. Each time you would come down further and stretch me open and then when the contraction finished, you would move back up. I was startled to feel your shoulders, so low in my belly, just above my pelvis. It started to hurt me that they would move back up. I would rub my belly where your shoulders were getting squished between contractions.

I felt your hair. Your dad was in the tub with me sitting, and I told him. He did not really know that this meant you were close but the midwives did and they both laughed. Your dad later told me that he thought we could be doing this for another day or so- can you imagine! But, having never been at a birth, all he knew was the previously slow labor!

I was in so much pain with the stretching. I could not see or focus my eyes anymore. I could hear all the sounds around me though. The night bird that I heard on the first night sang again. I have no idea what kind of bird this is- but the song is beautiful. My eyes were closed but during a contraction, I could not keep them closed- they were wide with pain. You had made your way down so low that I thought we would crown at this contraction. Instead, you pushed your way all the way through and your head was born! I felt your head and all your parts with my hand- chin, ears, nose…, yep all of your head was born- I exclaimed! From there, your shoulders began turning to get through me and they came with the next contraction and then out came the rest of your body, into my hands. I brought you up, on my knees, with you cradled belly and face down as you found your way to breathing. You had your cord wrapped around your neck. Adele found this and helped me to unwrap you. Then she stuck her hand in to be sure your face was above water. It was totally dark with the stars and moon out and I could not see the water level in relationship to your face- or I thought it was fine but perhaps it was really close. I got up and sat on your dad’s lap to support you better. Your cord was short enough that it made it hard to bring you up further out of the tub without tugging on the cord and my vagina. So, Adele and Sonya helped us to get out of the tub to go and lay down on the couch that they had made into a sweet space for us to lay on and look at each other. You were astoundingly beautiful and amazing. You were perfect. Your dad got out of the tub, dried off and joined us on the couch to look at you and take it all in. We were done! We had done it! I know that you never had a question about this but I did. I had lost my way and it was the most difficult thing I have ever done. But I did it and I am, today, on this 5th day since your birth, So grateful. I have been everyday since your birth- so grateful. For you, for your midwives, for your dad, for the prayers, for everyone and everything that helped me through and brought me the strength to do it.
 

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Amazing!! Thank you for sharing it! :)
 

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I love it!! Such strength and raw courage. I love how you questioned your abilities and realized that you *were* doing it, whether you wanted to or not!

I felt a cervical lip during Sebastian's birth and was able to push with my fingers on the lip and felt it melt away as his head moved down - so neat! And again with Iselin's birth...such a miracle to feel baby move through that passageway and to be the only one to know. :love

Congratulations!!
 

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So great to read!
Sorry you felt "lost" and bereft at times, I have been in that position but only for minutes, not hours. (Or, to a lesser extent, for days or weeks when I'm in prodromal labor land and drowning in self pity about how much I wish to not be pregnant anymore!)
I laughed and laughed about the part where your husband thought that after you felt the hair it might still be days! Hahaha I guess he didn't read too many Ina May or Penny Simkin beforehand -or then it all just flew out his head in the intensity of the moment! :)
Wonderful story, I should write a birth story dedicated to mine as well!
 

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Your story is so eloquent with the night birds and the movements in the water, and I completely sympathize with your feeling lost and unable to go forward even though it was happening anyway. I'm sorry we shared that experience, though I'm amazed by how soon it is already fading for me (it already seems so much less intense in my mind than I know it was). I can't even imagine labor stretching out for days...wow, that must have been unimaginably tough. The having to do so much on so little sleep really makes it harder. You are amazing and I'm so proud of you for getting through it! And I know you are getting all the rewards now of bonding time with sweet Kaijani!
 

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Yesterday I was thinking about your birth story and I thought, "Did she really say she pushed for 2-3 HOURS??" Wow. I don't think I could have done it.... You're my super-hero.
 

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I know several women IRL who report the same thing and I'm also amazed. I've never had that stage last more than 15 minutes /a few contractions. But then they describe that somehow "labor time" was strange that they felt like it went by really fast. I can't imagine that a couple hours of pushing a first baby out can go by fast, but they are convincing so I guess sometimes mother nature helps out by altering our perception about the passage of time? Dunno.

Then again perhaps it only feels so fast in hindsight!!!! Hahaha (I was not there to ask them in the Moment, after all )
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
@Seraphina and @Metasequoia! i would not say it felt fast! but that time is totally altered and it no longer really has meaning- your just doing what your doing- and then there is a baby and everything changes. same for a fast birth, no? though i will say that i have seen more moms in shock and unable to integrate for a bit after a fast birth.

i was pushing but not like coached pushing. it was the guttural, uncontrolled body pushing. not exhausting or hard in the same way.

after having seriously decided that i was in conflict during labor and would not be able to do this again, dh started talking about another baby and somehow, i can fathom this right now... in a bit of time! wow, amazing how life works! i can also fathom having sex again! thankfully! i think i am healing!
 

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Isn't it amazing how your mind can change about having another so quickly?? I've been thinking this too! And funny that it was your DH who mentioned it since I think you said before that this having a baby thing was your idea and he wasn't 100% on board so you felt like you couldn't complain - yes?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Exactly @Metasequoia! For him to say this.... woo, how do I not be swayed! Right now, Kai is tucked away on Dh while he vacuums the house. My first hands free moment in umm,,, 12 days! Its luxurious! You too are thinking about another one, right? Its the morning sickness that has me pause..! That was a long time!
 

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Exactly @Metasequoia ! For him to say this.... woo, how do I not be swayed! Right now, Kai is tucked away on Dh while he vacuums the house. My first hands free moment in umm,,, 12 days! Its luxurious! You too are thinking about another one, right? Its the morning sickness that has me pause..! That was a long time!
It's the whole pregnancy that gives me pause...and birth - though I know I'll forget that pain soon enough. :) Just this morning as I lay in bed and the kids all slept, I felt a bit overwhelmed at being responsible for five little beings on this Earth. Just one of those moments, I guess...
 

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This sounds similar to my experience too. Immediately after birth, DH started talking about "next time" (after I prodded him pretty heavily about now being the time for a first baby), and I told him that William might be an only child. He said he hoped I would change my mind. But just a couple of weeks later, I can imagine doing it again. I already can't remember the full intensity of how much it all hurt. Biology is pretty effective at encouraging us to keep reproducing!

As for the pushing, my midwife says that a first birth usually includes 2 hours of pushing. She was surprised that mine was only 40 minutes, but it was coached pushing and I was doing it without caring if I tore because I just wanted it to be over. That's awesome that your body did much of the work for you with less exhausting effort! Though you had a way more exhausting ordeal than I did overall...these stories really help me put my own into perspective. I hope you are feeling more healed now!
 
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