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Thanks for your post. I admire the mamas who don't have to go through the issues. I wish my x would just evaporate, but that's another matter. To address your post, it just depends on the mama and the needs that she's having at the time as to what goes up. But we're always here when you need us. I find it to be a very supportive area of MDC.
 

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Discussion Starter · #22 ·
Thanks, I've seen the threads on being a single mother by choice. As I'd hoped I'd made clear in my original post (but apparently didn't), I don't want for single parent's not to talk about their X issues, I just want to focus on other aspects of single parenthood.

Good suggestions, MountainMama, I like the one about turning the phone off! I have so little awake time with Sprogly on weekdays that one phone call can eat up most of an evening.

Those of you who have more than one, I humbly bow to you! I don't know how you do it.

Jster, I've looked into churches, but the whole spirituality/organized religion thing is a big sticky mess for me. But the community is what I crave, and I think it would be good for Sprogly as well.

solareyna, I am so interested in intentional communities and cooperative living, but I am so not primitive!
I I lived off the grid I'd spend all my time trying to rig up a solar-powered satellite computer network.

My biggest challenge is time management, along with trying to be patient with Sprogly and do things in his time. The two are interconnected, because I feel like I have to cram everything into my day, but Sprogly has his own priorities and needs to do some things at a much slower pace (and some things at a much faster pace, needless to say).

Another big one is figuring out how to take care of myself and give myself some down time. This is a hard one on a daily basis, and often is just doesn't happen.

One thing I've started doing lately is commuting with my bike instead of the car--I take Sprogly to daycare in the trailer, drop him and the trailer off, and take the bike to the train station. It's been sort of a big deal for me to get started riding the bike again. It was a big part of my life pre-parenthood, and I've had physical issues. It's really helping just to get some exercise, and it's not like there's any other area where I could make the time to exercise. So there's one thing that's going well.
 

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I can definitely relate to the sentiment in the OP. My dd's father was absent for years and then he died. I often find that I have very little to contribute to the active threads here, which are mostly about ex issues. I feel uncomfortable starting threads in this forum when I feel that I have very little to offer in return, as I cannot relate and am not knowledgeable regarding custody/child support/court dates, etc..
 

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Hi, I can relate to your viewpoint. It can be discouraging to look for discussions/support for single-parenting issues beyond dealing with exes. I am new to this board AND to single parenting - raising a 2yo and a 3yo DD mainly by myself all of a sudden - and I get depressed & scared reading how horrible it can get for others with major ex issues dominating their lives.

I'd love to discuss successes, coping mechanisms, and other positives about solo parenting too, I really need them! And I think we'd all have a few to share from time to time. The single-parents-by-choice boards are a good suggestion. And to encourage that more here, maybe start a thread along the lines of "What did you do RIGHT this week?"
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Shonahsmom View Post
I often find that I have very little to contribute to the active threads here, which are mostly about ex issues. I feel uncomfortable starting threads in this forum when I feel that I have very little to offer in return, as I cannot relate and am not knowledgeable regarding custody/child support/court dates, etc..
Ditto, that's why I don't spend much time here. But it sounds like I'm not alone. Let's all make an effort to take the initiative and start threads non-ex-related if that's what we want to see more of.
 

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zeldabee, thank you for posting that. these are my exact feelings and i have wanted to express that for along time but didn't know how to articulate it.
everytime i have any issues related to mothering, i feel it is a different issue because i'm a single parent, and so i come to this board and then feel completely overwelmed. i think there needs to be a space for ex issues but also a space where we can discuss basic parenting issues that seem to separate us from parents with partners.
 

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Okay, I've got a question for the mothers who feel overwhelmed by the ex threads....why don't you start posting threads? And I guess when I look at the threads, there seem to be tons to me that don't relate to ex's, for instance, the Dating thread, help for a newly single mom, how to find good childcare, single student mamas, read any good books, how do you handle it without cracking. Sure, ex issues are a big part of this board, but only because people keep posting about them...just go ahead and say whatever you want to say! I guess I'm just a little frustrated because so many people have subscribed to this thread saying, "Yeah, me too." or "Ex issues should be separated from single parenting issues." while not actually posting threads...so it seems like just venting at our (meaning the mom's with ex issues) expense.
 

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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
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Originally Posted by Jster View Post
Okay, I've got a question for the mothers who feel overwhelmed by the ex threads....why don't you start posting threads?
I sorta thought I did. I definitely didn't want to offend anyone who has X issues. But anyway, since this thread has become an anti-X issues thread, sure, I'll try to post a different thread, or look at some of the new threads...

(Still, I'd see a point in making a sub-forum for x issues...but that's the last I'll say about it! I promise!)
 

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jster, i have to say that i am a bit offended by your reply. if this issue doesn't pertain to you or if you don't understnd "why" then maybe you should let this thread be for those of us who can relate. and frankly your reply is not the kind of support i am looking for when i come here.(not trying to offend you)
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mamademateo View Post
jster, i have to say that i am a bit offended by your reply. if this issue doesn't pertain to you or if you don't understnd "why" then maybe you should let this thread be for those of us who can relate. and frankly your reply is not the kind of support i am looking for when i come here.(not trying to offend you)
 

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This is not the place to hammer on other single mamas, not those who chose to be or those struggling to stay afloat despite their ex. If there is change that you'd like to see, as Gandhi said, "Be the change that you'd like to see in the world."

Of course, mamas will post here about child support issues, but there are also times when we share stories, ask for coping advice, and laugh together.

Sure, stop in if only to say, hey, I'm still out here and if you don't like the sentiment, bring yours to the table and help to lessen the severity of the mood around here.

Please try not to attack one another. Please. This is the only support mechanism a lot of us have as sometimes, we are single mamas alone in the forest. Some are miles from relatives, some have left abuse and others just plain enjoy the supportive atmosphere. Please don't argue and make it another place on MDC that some of us are afraid to be ourselves...
 

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Sorry to anyone who was offended, by my post I wasn't trying to cause anyone to be upset, just to say that those of us who do have ex issues should be comfortable posting here as well. As in, let's make sure everyone is welcome, not compartmentalized. I just had scary visions of an "ex issues thread" kind of like the dating thread, where everything ex related gets shoved into a little corner, which would be pretty silly but I could almost see happening.

I'm glad you've started posting zeldabee! Thanks for coming to the table, it's a great group and I think you'll find there's support for everyone here!
 
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