[Calm]

Hi!

I am wondering if I could hear from parents of older children. I have a two and a half year old and she has started the "no!" phase.

"Please shut the door behind you."
"No!"
Are you ready to go?
No!

Ad nauseum. Actually, she is quite good, really. I have seen kids much more determined in this area. But what I am wondering is how you dealt with this, if you would do it differently, or if it was successful. Did you ignore it and push on or "do it yourself"? Or did you praise the behaviour you wanted? Whatever your method, I would like to know how it went. I would post this in the toddler section, only I have found that asking parents who have been there and their real results is more informative to me, as opposed to what they are trying at the time. KWIM?

Now you all have older children, how long did the defiant stage last for you, and any idea why if it went on longer than usual?

Ok, I have drilled you all quite enough. Thank you for any insight.

 

[Indigomama]

Well my son is 4 and still defiant. I often ask myself " Is it the age or the personality?" :LOL

While I would be a very big liar if I said that I was always successful or always practiced this technique what seems to work best is rephrasing...

Instead of " Please shut the door behind you"

I say... "We shut the door behind us.. " and shut it myself.

Especially now that my son is big on "I can do it all by myself." ... he really wants to do what you do...except when you ask him to do something.

Of course there are moments where I want to screaaaaaaaaaaam... How many times do I have to tell you... but that's when I quietly slip to the bedroom and bang my head against a pillow.

 

[sunnmama]

Dd still refuses to cooperate sometimes, but more often than not (and when she is feeling well and rested and pleased) she is more than happy to be helpful these days. So, of course, they do grow out of this naturally.

While in the phase, I tried not to press the issue. If it was important that she cooperate, I would try a different approach (playful approach, competitive approach--"bet I can do it first!", reverse psychology "whatever you do...*don't* close the door!" Door got closed every time! :LOL ).