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The Emotions we are feeling as we are all approaching giving birth

3276 Views 14 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  doulawoman
This is a similar thread to the one SheBear just posted.
I want us to have a thread to talk about some of the INTENSE EMOTIONS we may be having as we approach giving birth!
Kind of like some of the other threads where we can just get it all out.
So feel free here to just spew it all out and get it all out in a hopefully safe and encouraging space. Be all about yourself and just get it out!

And then we can also reply to anything from someone else or just talk about yourself. Sometimes it helps to read other people's feelings right now!

So here is mine:

I am feeling kind of crazy and weepy and emotional and sad and overwhelmed right now. Also excited. This will be my first time giving birth so I really don't know how it will be.
I have had some people lately telling me about the pain of it and all-and I feel like- do Not tell me that right now that is not a helpful thing for me to focus on.

I am trying to surround myself with peaceful and nurturing feelings around it and calmness.

I am feeling very amazingly well supported by my loving husband. I am leaning hard on him and he is so supportive.

I am feeling annoyed- totally annoyed and kind of sad with my midwives right now though! Not to get too into it- but at this point we are supposed to be seeing them once a wk. But my mw's office is about50 minutes away, and she comes up to a place closer once a month (at the assistant's house). So we always meet there. Now that I am nearly 38 wks pregnant, she is saying I have to drive down there if I want a meeting- and only n Wednesday (which it is going to snow) and not Friday which is a day dh could have off work to drive me, because she is full that day.
I feel like- I would think they would prioritize people who are so close to birth.
Plus- I have never really dealt with the Emotions of birth- and the midwives' place in it- with them. We haven't really talked about that- which I thought was supposed to be the "midwife model". Plus at my home visit the assistant was rude to me and so I mentioned it later to the mw and now I feel like instead of just support from them I feel tension. Which is so annoying!
So I need to have a talk with them, but now we are going to do it over the [hone where I think since I paid so much money to the midwives for their services that at this one time she could make the effort to come to me.

also, the underlying thing is that I have mostly been inclined towards just having me and dh there and having the midwives only if we need them. And I need to more clearly communicate that but they never even really asked me about the feelings or emotions I feel around birth. So I am feeling tension and distance with them.
Which I think is partially connected to the main feeling I am having- which is that ultimately I am going to have to metaphorically cross that bridge with my own strength, and while others can help it is my thing. And there is a sense of aloneness in it and having to be strong.

And I do feel pretty good about it all- and strong and going into it with a good feeling. But right now- I Am just triggered by running into a new mom yesterday who just had to tell me how majorly painful her birth was, plus then running into another friend today who meant well- a sweet lovely friend, by bringing up how people at my blessingway had talked so much about the pain of birth and how she wanted to apologize for that- which was lovely of her, but I had not been even thinking about it and she brought it up again!

So essentially, I am trying to just bring myself into a deep peaceful and loving strong place. And I feel really good with myself and my baby and my husband and our birth tub (which we are gonna try out tonight probably!). And I know I feel most powerful with just us. And I feel irritated that I feel drama with the midwives especially at this point! But I also want their support if I need it. And I am trying to just fele good and peaceful and calm but am somewhat feeling tired and weepy and emotional and a little sorry fpor myself somehow at the moment!

Feels good to get that out, especially to other women who are also about to give birth!

So let this thread be a place to get out your own stuff, and also respond to others if we need to - but only lovingly and gently!

I think we all know that we only need to encourage our love and peace right now.
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anyone else want to talk intense emotions?
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I'm feeling mean and peevish. Like I have a short BS fuse or something. Probably because...

I'm feeling impatient because this baby keeps teasing me with contractions, etc only to have them go away. And because my family's impending visits are coming up soon.

I'm feeling sad because I keep waking up hopeful for labor and then getting disappointed as the day wanes on.

Oh well, at least those that haven't bought plane tickets to visit (TOO SOON AFTER BIRTH) won't because flights into this state are running 900+ on average for 1 stop in the next week and a half. Yay mardi gras-keep them away.

I'm learning patience. I really want to meet this baby and I'm learning that I can't control everything.
My thoughts are kind of all over the place but I will try to write them down how I'm feeling them right now.

I am sorta worrying about how my toddler will feel when I go into labour and leave for the hospital without him. He is a pretty easy going little guy and will be with people we trust but I can't help worrying about him feeling abandoned..

He was a 9+lber at birth and while I had a good delivery last time, I did have a significant tear and I would be lying if I said I wasen't worrying about that happening again. I am not totally consumed by the thought but I do think about it. I have a good feeling this baby will be as big, if not bigger being a second baby (also I had an ultrasound at 34weeks and the baby was measured to be in the 95 percentile then) I believe the position I pushed in last time (lying with legs held) contributed to my tear but I was too exhausted to try other positions. I am hoping to stand/squat this time for pushing if I am not too tired. Oddly, other then thinking about tearing, I am not really worried about the other labour pains. I am more excited to experience the birthing process again, get through it and finally meet this new little person growing inside of me.
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Here are some of the intense emotions I'm feeling lately:

-- I'm sad that I still don't feel a close connection/bond with this baby. Nothing I have tried has helped. I was originally not planning on finding out the gender when we did our 20 week ultrasound, but I caved and found out because I thought it might help. While it helped a little to see him and be able to think about a boy rather than "a baby", it didn't help nearly as much as I was hoping. Part of me knows it's somewhat normal for me (I wasn't incredibly emotionally connected during my pregnancy with DS either), but another part of me really wishes I experience what a lot of other Mama's do while pregnant. And even though I had NO problem at all feeling attached to DS once he was born, there is still a small part of me that worries I won't ever feel any sort of attachment to the new baby.

-- I'm
angry about people in our family really trying to push me to agree to allowing anyone/everyone here while I'm in labour. (I wrote more about this in the weekly chat thread before I ran across this one.)

-- I'm annoyed that I have to keep reminding DH every night that I'm tired (up all night while he's sleeping), in pain, huge... and despite the fact that the nesting bug has me keeping the house looking like a hotel room, that I still need a little more help from him in the evenings when he gets home because by then I can barely get up to use the restroom without intense sciatica pain... and that this won't last forever.

-- I'm nervous and scared about how having a 2nd child is going to affect my relationship with DS. DS is such a sweet, sensitive little boy and I would hate to see him struggle more than the "normal" struggle we go through any time there is somewhat of a larger change around here.

-- I'm excited and anxious to stop feeling like I'm in limbo and to start this next chapter of our lives. We are all very much creatures of habit/routine (nothing like strict schedules) around here and we've all three been struggling a bit lately with how random everything is.

-- I'm excited about finally having my long desired homebirth.

-- I'm happy that I'm so close to meeting the new little human I've been growing and nourishing for the last 38.5 weeks.

-- While I was really excited to give birth, I'm starting to feel a wide range of different emotions about it. I think it's largely because of everything I've already written here, but also that I feel a huge amount of pressure to "prove" something to the naysayers in the family.
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I'm just pissed off that 3 days of regular contractions have done nothing.

Okay, that's over-simplifying, but my patience is wearing thin.

I do worry a little about DD's adjustment - she told me earlier this week that she wished the baby was never in my tummy. Some probing revealed she's mainly worried about what's going to happen to her when I am in the hospital, and I'm trying to explain that I'll probably be there less than one day, but it's the unknown and I don't blame her for being ambivalent. She also said she wants to be "the only kid". Again, I suspect things will be different once the baby comes and she realizes that she's not pushed into the background (we'll make sure that doesn't happen) but obviously I want her to be happy.

I'm not worried about labour itself - it wasn't awful with DD, and this is a second so hopefully easier, but I worry that we'll have to go in the middle of the night and disrupt our family to come and look after DD.

And I'm sooo excited to CD this little one from birth. And to try to do baby care more naturally this time around - more baby wearing, even EC if I can make it work.
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I am feeling so much better than I did earlier about this stuff. One, from just getting it out, and also since dh inflated our birth tub and I got in it(with no water) I felt like- ah, I have a nest to give birth in - and it took the edge of fthe things I had been feeling . ah- ever changing emotions.
Thanks for having this thread!

* My in-laws are packing to move right now. The time for them to move is totally subjective to what THEY want not what is being forced in any way. They are asking my husband for help loading their moving van next weekend and I feel selfish enough to not want him to regardless of if the baby is here or not.

* I am 40 weeks 3 days and am already getting calls from people asking when I think the baby is coming. Do I feel like the "birth day" is soon. "Where's the baby!" I know I will go "late" and my OB knows my plans. He knows and is ok with it. All he wants is a Non stress test at 10 days over and then to check again at 14 days over. I had a friend talking about how 10 days is WAYYYY to far for her and she can't believe I would wait that long or longer. I am grateful that they care, but don't they know that I will tell them when he is here!

* Last pregnancy the OB broke my water early, and I got an epidural about an hour - an hour and a half before my daughter was born, so now this time feels just like the first time all over again. Same apprehension and excitement.

* I am struggling with judging others for their birthing/parenting decisions when it doesn't make a difference to MY life. My friend who is giving up breast feeding because he son isn't gaining enough weight... but she isn't making enough milk for him because she has been supplementing formula and restricting his time at the breast... and then she comes out with this thinking (from a study) that you will fail at BF if you don't nurse within this perfect window after birth. Or my SIL who didn't even try to nurse her son because her losing weight fast was more important.... or the fact that she tried to make herself go into labor at 37 weeks because she didn't want to be pregnant anymore regardless of whether or not it was good for the baby.

* Oddly enough I have strong emotions about getting hemorrhoids, rather that I have them. TMI... Sorry...

I wish all my strong emotions weren't all negatie....

I have a lot of excitement about him being here and also a lot of apprehension about going from 1 to 2 children.
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I am growing worried with anticipation, knowing that I am approaching this wednesday 38 weeks and that may be my last 'full' week before baby comes.....once I hit 39 it could be any day...(I know technically it could be any day NOW but based on my past experiences my babies like to cook almost to due date)....i am getting lots of butterflies, nervousness, worried about everything, hoping things will go as well as I hope......I guess I can summarize I am growing nervous, knowing the inevitable will soon happen and I can only hope I can handle it !
-This is my first, so there are a lot of unknowns for me around labor, but in general I feel optimistic and ready for it. I'm impatient to meet him, at the same time as much as I'm in pain and discomfort at this point in the pregnancy, I will miss being pregnant. I say that now, but if I'm still pregnant in a week I may take that back, LOL.

-Feeling very close with DH, and very loving and positive about our relationship. At the same time, that's led to me feeling a little sad about what we're going to lose - that it will never be just the two of us again.

-A little panicky sometimes when I realize that in possibly less than a week, I could be holding a baby in my arms and what if I really don't know what I'm doing at all?!? Just something as simple as running an errand will never be the same again, and sometimes realizing that throws me for a loop. Also, I don't have any reason to think I will have postpartum depression, but I'm still scared of having it.
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Today I felt weepy and a bit melancholy. And kind of needy- like needing support. And going through issues with my mw's. Usually I am feeling great in the morning and a bit mopey in the afternoon.
My breasts feel sore and warm like they did in the first trimester or like before a period. Something changing there.
I'm upset with the unknown. I'm trying to relax and send positive energy to the baby in case that helps it know it should come NOW.

I'm on the midwives timeline now that I was diagnosed as being pre-e. I was able to work with them to come up with a plan for close monitoring since my numbers seem to be staying stable. But the underlying issue is there could be a sudden induction. Even with stable numbers I will probably be getting heavy induction pressure by late next week.

I am hoping to get in to acupuncture tomorrow (and every day after) to help things along.
I'm feeling good about the uc homebirth I've been planning. Although I feel 'ready' if I go into labor in the next few days, I'm also feeling really okay with going over my edd (Feb 14th) and being able to get some more stuff done before the baby comes. I wonder if I'll miss being pregnant which surprises me because my experience wasn't as romanticized as I thought it would be. I can't really relate to so many of the other women on this forum who are impatient about getting their babies out.

I've been doing lots of yoga the past week which has been really helpful keeping my body open. Although some days I stay in bed all day and watch TV; most days I am out walking a few miles doing errands. I tire easily. I wonder how this will affect labor which so many have described as the ultimate physical fitness test.

I think about what it will be like to feel a person come out of me. If my return of nausea in the past few days is an indication that I will be sick during labor. I wonder if labor will go quickly or last for days... I don't know which I would prefer. A quick labor means usually less complications, and chance of exhaustion. But I wonder if a long labor would allow me more time and space to process everything going on. To watch this very strange, very emotional process. I know I don't get to choose.

I have full acceptance that I am powerless in this situation, when I go into labor, how long it lasts, if my baby is healthy. I realized a few days ago that I do love this baby, which surprised me, because it's this quiet, slow, small sort of love that I didn't realize happened in all this time we've spent together so far. I find that a reassuring indicator that the small love will grow and develop as our relationship does. I also have a lot of faith in the birthing hormones helping things along.

So I guess I am feeling a little timid, walking into this birth. Curious about how strong of an experience is going to be happening in my body. Hopeful about this next chapter. And strong. There are so many moments since May I couldn't imagine being right here, and here I am. I guess that's what I should keep reminding myself, I am strong.
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Had a nice long talk with DH tonight about everything I had written here.
I boiled over in a heap of tears the minute he walked in the door and I finally feel like he was really listening to me instead of brushing me off. Sometimes it takes awhile before he realizes just how much something is bothering me, but he always knows how to balance me back out.

It was nice to get it all out of me and I'm feeling so much more peaceful again. He really helped me get my head back to a normal non-hormonal state where I don't feel stressed out about things and frustrated/hurt by our families lack of understanding... and he reminded me that I am strong and that I don't need to worry so much. "Everything will be ok no matter what and the 'what-ifs' aren't important". Such a simple, cliche thing to say... but so true. Sometimes I just need to hear it said to me when repeating it to myself isn't working.

The weeks of off and on prodominal labour, the hormones, and especially the lack of sleep is waring on me, but I feel good again.
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Hi ladies,

well, I can echo many of you. Right now I feel very isn't even anything I'm thinking, just feeling overwhelmed and weepy and miserable...did I say that? lol

I know how stupid it is, but I really feel as if the baby is NEVER EDD was on the 6th so I'm not even a week over, and my FAM computer software EDD is actually the 13th based on my cycle history and ovulation etc. so I may not even BE late, really. But this past week the skin on my belly is stretching sooo much and it's sooo tight and soo itchy to the point where it hurts. I feel so irritable and then for a while I'll feel great, happy, I'll joke with DH, even dtd as awkward as it was.

I'm also weirdly stuck on the baby coming on valentine's day...other than it being when the zodiac switches to tiger and DH and I both having ox sisters we butt heads with (no offense to you oxen! everyone's different)...there is no good reason why this is important.

the baby has been pushing and putting a lot of downward and outward pressure on my belly today which feels so weird...and I just want to eat chocolate ice cream but then I feel disgusting. I'm starvng but can't eat much of anything, and I feel a bit likle I'm hiding out from certain friends and relatives....ok so this is more like whining.

Really, I do feel good, for a few hours then I feel sooo irritated or weepy for no reason. I feel like I'm going nuts....considering getting induced by acupuncture this weekend or early next week if nothing happens.
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