anyone else want to talk intense emotions?
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The Emotions we are feeling as we are all approaching giving birth
This is a similar thread to the one SheBear just posted.
I want us to have a thread to talk about some of the INTENSE EMOTIONS we may be having as we approach giving birth!
Kind of like some of the other threads where we can just get it all out.
So feel free here to just spew it all out and get it all out in a hopefully safe and encouraging space. Be all about yourself and just get it out!
And then we can also reply to anything from someone else or just talk about yourself. Sometimes it helps to read other people's feelings right now!
So here is mine:
I am feeling kind of crazy and weepy and emotional and sad and overwhelmed right now. Also excited. This will be my first time giving birth so I really don't know how it will be.
I have had some people lately telling me about the pain of it and all-and I feel like- do Not tell me that right now that is not a helpful thing for me to focus on.
I am trying to surround myself with peaceful and nurturing feelings around it and calmness.
I am feeling very amazingly well supported by my loving husband. I am leaning hard on him and he is so supportive.
I am feeling annoyed- totally annoyed and kind of sad with my midwives right now though! Not to get too into it- but at this point we are supposed to be seeing them once a wk. But my mw's office is about50 minutes away, and she comes up to a place closer once a month (at the assistant's house). So we always meet there. Now that I am nearly 38 wks pregnant, she is saying I have to drive down there if I want a meeting- and only n Wednesday (which it is going to snow) and not Friday which is a day dh could have off work to drive me, because she is full that day.
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I feel like- I would think they would prioritize people who are so close to birth.
Plus- I have never really dealt with the Emotions of birth- and the midwives' place in it- with them. We haven't really talked about that- which I thought was supposed to be the "midwife model". Plus at my home visit the assistant was rude to me and so I mentioned it later to the mw and now I feel like instead of just support from them I feel tension. Which is so annoying!
So I need to have a talk with them, but now we are going to do it over the [hone where I think since I paid so much money to the midwives for their services that at this one time she could make the effort to come to me.
also, the underlying thing is that I have mostly been inclined towards just having me and dh there and having the midwives only if we need them. And I need to more clearly communicate that but they never even really asked me about the feelings or emotions I feel around birth. So I am feeling tension and distance with them.
Which I think is partially connected to the main feeling I am having- which is that ultimately I am going to have to metaphorically cross that bridge with my own strength, and while others can help it is my thing. And there is a sense of aloneness in it and having to be strong.
And I do feel pretty good about it all- and strong and going into it with a good feeling. But right now- I Am just triggered by running into a new mom yesterday who just had to tell me how majorly painful her birth was, plus then running into another friend today who meant well- a sweet lovely friend, by bringing up how people at my blessingway had talked so much about the pain of birth and how she wanted to apologize for that- which was lovely of her, but I had not been even thinking about it and she brought it up again!
So essentially, I am trying to just bring myself into a deep peaceful and loving strong place. And I feel really good with myself and my baby and my husband and our birth tub (which we are gonna try out tonight probably!). And I know I feel most powerful with just us. And I feel irritated that I feel drama with the midwives especially at this point! But I also want their support if I need it. And I am trying to just fele good and peaceful and calm but am somewhat feeling tired and weepy and emotional and a little sorry fpor myself somehow at the moment!
phew.
Feels good to get that out, especially to other women who are also about to give birth!
So let this thread be a place to get out your own stuff, and also respond to others if we need to - but only lovingly and gently!
I think we all know that we only need to encourage our love and peace right now.
I want us to have a thread to talk about some of the INTENSE EMOTIONS we may be having as we approach giving birth!
Kind of like some of the other threads where we can just get it all out.
So feel free here to just spew it all out and get it all out in a hopefully safe and encouraging space. Be all about yourself and just get it out!
And then we can also reply to anything from someone else or just talk about yourself. Sometimes it helps to read other people's feelings right now!
So here is mine:
I am feeling kind of crazy and weepy and emotional and sad and overwhelmed right now. Also excited. This will be my first time giving birth so I really don't know how it will be.
I have had some people lately telling me about the pain of it and all-and I feel like- do Not tell me that right now that is not a helpful thing for me to focus on.
I am trying to surround myself with peaceful and nurturing feelings around it and calmness.
I am feeling very amazingly well supported by my loving husband. I am leaning hard on him and he is so supportive.
I am feeling annoyed- totally annoyed and kind of sad with my midwives right now though! Not to get too into it- but at this point we are supposed to be seeing them once a wk. But my mw's office is about50 minutes away, and she comes up to a place closer once a month (at the assistant's house). So we always meet there. Now that I am nearly 38 wks pregnant, she is saying I have to drive down there if I want a meeting- and only n Wednesday (which it is going to snow) and not Friday which is a day dh could have off work to drive me, because she is full that day.
Plus- I have never really dealt with the Emotions of birth- and the midwives' place in it- with them. We haven't really talked about that- which I thought was supposed to be the "midwife model". Plus at my home visit the assistant was rude to me and so I mentioned it later to the mw and now I feel like instead of just support from them I feel tension. Which is so annoying!
So I need to have a talk with them, but now we are going to do it over the [hone where I think since I paid so much money to the midwives for their services that at this one time she could make the effort to come to me.
also, the underlying thing is that I have mostly been inclined towards just having me and dh there and having the midwives only if we need them. And I need to more clearly communicate that but they never even really asked me about the feelings or emotions I feel around birth. So I am feeling tension and distance with them.
Which I think is partially connected to the main feeling I am having- which is that ultimately I am going to have to metaphorically cross that bridge with my own strength, and while others can help it is my thing. And there is a sense of aloneness in it and having to be strong.
And I do feel pretty good about it all- and strong and going into it with a good feeling. But right now- I Am just triggered by running into a new mom yesterday who just had to tell me how majorly painful her birth was, plus then running into another friend today who meant well- a sweet lovely friend, by bringing up how people at my blessingway had talked so much about the pain of birth and how she wanted to apologize for that- which was lovely of her, but I had not been even thinking about it and she brought it up again!
So essentially, I am trying to just bring myself into a deep peaceful and loving strong place. And I feel really good with myself and my baby and my husband and our birth tub (which we are gonna try out tonight probably!). And I know I feel most powerful with just us. And I feel irritated that I feel drama with the midwives especially at this point! But I also want their support if I need it. And I am trying to just fele good and peaceful and calm but am somewhat feeling tired and weepy and emotional and a little sorry fpor myself somehow at the moment!
phew.
Feels good to get that out, especially to other women who are also about to give birth!
So let this thread be a place to get out your own stuff, and also respond to others if we need to - but only lovingly and gently!
I think we all know that we only need to encourage our love and peace right now.
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
My thoughts are kind of all over the place but I will try to write them down how I'm feeling them right now.
I am sorta worrying about how my toddler will feel when I go into labour and leave for the hospital without him. He is a pretty easy going little guy and will be with people we trust but I can't help worrying about him feeling abandoned..
He was a 9+lber at birth and while I had a good delivery last time, I did have a significant tear and I would be lying if I said I wasen't worrying about that happening again. I am not totally consumed by the thought but I do think about it. I have a good feeling this baby will be as big, if not bigger being a second baby (also I had an ultrasound at 34weeks and the baby was measured to be in the 95 percentile then) I believe the position I pushed in last time (lying with legs held) contributed to my tear but I was too exhausted to try other positions. I am hoping to stand/squat this time for pushing if I am not too tired. Oddly, other then thinking about tearing, I am not really worried about the other labour pains. I am more excited to experience the birthing process again, get through it and finally meet this new little person growing inside of me.
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I am sorta worrying about how my toddler will feel when I go into labour and leave for the hospital without him. He is a pretty easy going little guy and will be with people we trust but I can't help worrying about him feeling abandoned..
He was a 9+lber at birth and while I had a good delivery last time, I did have a significant tear and I would be lying if I said I wasen't worrying about that happening again. I am not totally consumed by the thought but I do think about it. I have a good feeling this baby will be as big, if not bigger being a second baby (also I had an ultrasound at 34weeks and the baby was measured to be in the 95 percentile then) I believe the position I pushed in last time (lying with legs held) contributed to my tear but I was too exhausted to try other positions. I am hoping to stand/squat this time for pushing if I am not too tired. Oddly, other then thinking about tearing, I am not really worried about the other labour pains. I am more excited to experience the birthing process again, get through it and finally meet this new little person growing inside of me.
Here are some of the intense emotions I'm feeling lately:
-- I'm sad that I still don't feel a close connection/bond with this baby. Nothing I have tried has helped. I was originally not planning on finding out the gender when we did our 20 week ultrasound, but I caved and found out because I thought it might help. While it helped a little to see him and be able to think about a boy rather than "a baby", it didn't help nearly as much as I was hoping. Part of me knows it's somewhat normal for me (I wasn't incredibly emotionally connected during my pregnancy with DS either), but another part of me really wishes I experience what a lot of other Mama's do while pregnant. And even though I had NO problem at all feeling attached to DS once he was born, there is still a small part of me that worries I won't ever feel any sort of attachment to the new baby.
-- I'm
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angry about people in our family really trying to push me to agree to allowing anyone/everyone here while I'm in labour. (I wrote more about this in the weekly chat thread before I ran across this one.)
-- I'm annoyed that I have to keep reminding DH every night that I'm tired (up all night while he's sleeping), in pain, huge... and despite the fact that the nesting bug has me keeping the house looking like a hotel room, that I still need a little more help from him in the evenings when he gets home because by then I can barely get up to use the restroom without intense sciatica pain... and that this won't last forever.
-- I'm nervous and scared about how having a 2nd child is going to affect my relationship with DS. DS is such a sweet, sensitive little boy and I would hate to see him struggle more than the "normal" struggle we go through any time there is somewhat of a larger change around here.
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-- I'm excited and anxious to stop feeling like I'm in limbo and to start this next chapter of our lives. We are all very much creatures of habit/routine (nothing like strict schedules) around here and we've all three been struggling a bit lately with how random everything is.
-- I'm excited about finally having my long desired homebirth.
-- I'm happy that I'm so close to meeting the new little human I've been growing and nourishing for the last 38.5 weeks.
-- While I was really excited to give birth, I'm starting to feel a wide range of different emotions about it. I think it's largely because of everything I've already written here, but also that I feel a huge amount of pressure to "prove" something to the naysayers in the family.
-- I'm sad that I still don't feel a close connection/bond with this baby. Nothing I have tried has helped. I was originally not planning on finding out the gender when we did our 20 week ultrasound, but I caved and found out because I thought it might help. While it helped a little to see him and be able to think about a boy rather than "a baby", it didn't help nearly as much as I was hoping. Part of me knows it's somewhat normal for me (I wasn't incredibly emotionally connected during my pregnancy with DS either), but another part of me really wishes I experience what a lot of other Mama's do while pregnant. And even though I had NO problem at all feeling attached to DS once he was born, there is still a small part of me that worries I won't ever feel any sort of attachment to the new baby.
-- I'm
-- I'm annoyed that I have to keep reminding DH every night that I'm tired (up all night while he's sleeping), in pain, huge... and despite the fact that the nesting bug has me keeping the house looking like a hotel room, that I still need a little more help from him in the evenings when he gets home because by then I can barely get up to use the restroom without intense sciatica pain... and that this won't last forever.
-- I'm nervous and scared about how having a 2nd child is going to affect my relationship with DS. DS is such a sweet, sensitive little boy and I would hate to see him struggle more than the "normal" struggle we go through any time there is somewhat of a larger change around here.
-- I'm excited and anxious to stop feeling like I'm in limbo and to start this next chapter of our lives. We are all very much creatures of habit/routine (nothing like strict schedules) around here and we've all three been struggling a bit lately with how random everything is.
-- I'm excited about finally having my long desired homebirth.
-- I'm happy that I'm so close to meeting the new little human I've been growing and nourishing for the last 38.5 weeks.
-- While I was really excited to give birth, I'm starting to feel a wide range of different emotions about it. I think it's largely because of everything I've already written here, but also that I feel a huge amount of pressure to "prove" something to the naysayers in the family.
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