[LongLiveLife]

I can't stand this. I just threw up a few times... I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight.
We haven't been apart for very long and I just saw him out on the town with this new girl. I was driving a friend home and there he was.
He cheated on me while we were together, so it's no surprise. I actually knew something was going on... but as it turns out, this "new" relationship also dates back to when we were together.
I shouldn't care.
He beat me up, he cheated, he lied. He put me through every horrible pain that there is. So please, can anyone tell me why this hurts so badly?
Can anyone tell me why?
My spirit is in agony. I want my spirit to mend. When will the knots in my gut go away?
When will I be able to eat and sleep again?
When will I be whole and happy? When will I stop shaking and crying at night?
He didn't pause for a moment. It's as if he turned his head, spat me out, and went right on with feeling good and having fun, while I suffer.
I was good to this man. I gave and gave, and now I've given him a child. He'll hurt her, too, and I'll watch in horror as he does it, with no legal recourse.
i am in so much fucking pain I can't describe it.

 

[shishkeberry]

: I'm sorry I have no advice for you--no personal experience to draw from, but I read your OP and I cried for you--I'm so so sorry

 

[Kirsten]

OK, firstly, your children are absolutely beautiful!!!! Beautiful!

Secondly, I am so sorry you are hurting... but it is for the best in the long run. You deserve so much better! And now that he is gone, you can find that. If you give and give and he is screwing you over then something is very wrong. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. I know you don't feel like it now but call a friend who makes you laugh - be around people who are good and love you. It will get better.

 

[L.J.]

I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain.

Even though we "know" things in our mind, it doesn't make it easier in our hearts.

Know that you are an amazing person. You have lots to offer yourself and your kids and it will help you so much if you can figure that out.

Relationships ending is a grieving process. Even though you may know you are better off without them, we still grieve. Even though it is difficult right now, it may help you get some closure to the relationship. His moving on is about him, not you. He will do all those horrible things to another person if he finds one who will let him. You can make the choice to mover forward in your life and having an amazing, wonderful, loving relationship one day and you will be so much better off.

It is difficult watching someone we love, move on. Hang in there. It really does get easier.

 

[keelyandlanie]

Ok girl i hav been there and doen that. i know what it is like to hurt and hate the way that you are right now. But you have to remebr that if he did all this to you then he is most likey going to do it to her and be glad that it is not you going through it again. and trust me i know tha it is hard. I have been with out a man in my life since I found out Iwas having my daughter and that is damn near 2 years. I is really hard. and you will get though this.
Here is what I did...
I went out to the bar or where he was ans most likey with his girl and I found a friend that was a guy and i would stand there and talk to him and dance with him and that is all it really took to get under his skin.
My ex has never even seen his daughter and he has no idea when she was born or what her name is and I think that is the worst thing that he could do bu I think that is good that way becasue I don't have to deal with the idea that he is mean to her the way that he was with me. Over my dead body will my dd going throught that shit that I went thrught with my ex her dad.
You are so better off without him in your life. If he beat you just think that one day that he ould get mad enough to kill you and then your kids would be left wth out a mom and is he more important then that? You need to remebr your babies. They need you.
Let him play his game. he is a little boy that is in a mans body because anyman that pulls the shit that he has is a child that needs help. I have a lot of faith in you. You can get through this and you will.
I am hear if you need someone to talk to. all you have to do I send me a message. I am hear and you can and will getthrough it you have to have faith.
By the wya it will take the pain forever to go way I have not been with my ex for 2 years and I am pver him but when i see him or happen to run in to him and have words I have that gut feeeling come back.
I pray for you.

 

[Seasons]

...

 

[LongLiveLife]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seasons Oh, and then there's the bit about how ex's betrayal has ruined my ability to trust, especially in promises to "love and cherish," but this is *your* thread, right?

No!
Not at all ! The best thing for me is to know that other women have been through this. Not because misery loves company, but because it gives me something to look forward. For many of you there has been some time between your divorces/separations, and where you are, today. It is sooo encouraging to hear you talk about the same kind of pain I'm feeling... and then I go into another thread, and you're all laughing and carrying on about dating, haging out with your friends, moving on, and healing.

 

[Seasons]

Y'know, that's exactly what I get out of this forum: the comraderie of sharing the vents and hurts as well as the pride and happiness.

...and the ocassional vicarious thrill of somebody else's happy date!

Again, I'm glad you're here. (I appreciated your introduction thread, too; there's so many of us here now --

.)

 

[toepea]

Oh yes, I have been there.

And, YES, I am better now.

My X, cheated, repeatedly and then got married less than 4 months after our divorce and is expecting a baby soon. One of his girlfriends started calling me, while we were still married and living together............. ahh, the book I could write.

I cried, I smoked, I ranted, I pouted, I lost weight, I looked for the quick fix, etc. You name it I probably did it or felt it. And in the end, I loved and cared for my children and looked for the light at the end of the tunnel. I didn't see it for a long, long time, but finally I have spotted it.

You can do this, and it will suck. I promise the light is out there and you will find it. One moment at a time. Be patient with yourself and love your children.

AND, I totally agree. Hearing others stories helped me to believe that I too could survive it. We are here.

 

[woobysma]

Just wanted to add a "been there" of my own. While I didn't actually vomit, I did have the feeling I would. Then I remembered all the reasons why I left him, and I actually started feeling sorry for the girl. I remember what it was like when we first met and I know how it ended 4 years later, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

 

[mistymama]

I do have personal experience ... my x cheated on me, lied to me, verbally abused me ... and even though it was MY choice to seperate, the things he did after we seperated hurt beyond belief. I guess I had hoped he would see what he was loosing, and do the right thing. I prayed for God to give me clarity to make the right choice ... and boy, did he make it clear that I was doing the right thing! But even then, it hurts more than words can say. I'm so sorry.

You are in the worst part of it right now. I hated when people said this to me ... but it's true, so I'll say it to you. Time heals. You will not see it right away, but as the weeks and months pass by, you will begin to heal and feel a little better. It only goes up from here.

He'll screw over that new girlfriend just like he did you ... it's like I tell my x ... he needs to come with warning label b/c he can be so damn charming and seems like a nice guy. But that's because he's a damn liar and he'll tell you what he thinks you want to hear.

In the end, I moved on, began dating an AWESOME guy who makes my x look like a monster he's so kind and sweet. Now my x is miserable, whining about loosing me, etc. It's funny how the tables turn. Living well is the best revenge.

Hang in there and vent to us anytime. Several of us have been right where you are and it DOES get easier.

 

[littleaugustbaby]

 

[paloma]

Your precious little girls are so wonderfully cute!

I am right there with you. He has to wake up every day and be - him. The man who cannot do XYZ, the man who gave up the incredible family. Look at all he left. I sometimes feel sorry for my ex.

He is living at the summer house, and I paid for the man's new bathroom.

Forgive him, release him, and find something fun to do. I sit in my kid music class belting out ridiculous little tunes and think, "He will never do this."

Take the kids on a brisk walk so you can work it out of your system physically. Sometimes I drive to a town outside Boston, take the stroller, and park about a mile away from the really cool coffee shop with the venti (I think that means large in normal people speak) soy chai. I smile at people, and I might even start a conversation with someone who poops in the potty without yelling, "Wipe My BUTT!"

Keep us abreast. Oh, the new GF told my daughter that i am the wicked witch of the West. "Daddy say that's you, mommy!"