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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For starters, my kids are in their second year of a WONDERFUL school. They had a very positive year last year and the teachers and staff is wonderful, loving and caring. Ds is in 3rd grade, he attended a charter school and was home schooled in 1st grade. Dd is in 1st grade.<br><br>
That being said, I have MAJOR issues with the music teacher. Tonight was open house and it took EVERY ounce of dignity in me NOT[/] to slap her in the face!<br><br>
Ds lives for music and wants so much to like music class. He's been taking guitar lessons for over a year and is very talented and knowledgeable about about music. His guitar teacher has been teaching for 20 years and said he's never seen a student like ds.<br><br>
Last year we had several issues with her. To make a long story short she wrote some pretty harsh things on his report card and when I called her she never returned my call. I spoke with her 2 weeks before school got out and she told me everything was fine with ds and he was doing well.<br><br>
On the last day of school I opened his report card and to my shock she'd written, "K is a very angry boy and has no respect for others" I couldn't even show ds his own report card - he would have been devastated!<br><br>
I toyed all summer with writing a letter to the principal and now could kick myself for not doing so.<br><br>
On the first day of school I saw her in the hall and she completely ignored me.<br><br>
Tonight was Open House and when we went into the music room the teacher BLATENTLY ignored us! Finally it got really crowded and I decided to go see some of the other teachers. I decided on the way out I was going to say hi with a BIG smile on my face - I'm not letting her intimidate me and I want her to know I'm here for my kids and to get in her face.<br><br>
Again, she tried to ignore us. When we got up to her, she saw a student with crutches and RAN over to her and spent several minutes obviously hoping we'd leave. I then walked up and said "Hi, I just wanted you say hello and let you know that I'm ALWAYS available if you need me" with a HUGE smile on my face. She could barely speak. She then told me how sweet and obedient dd is. I put my arm around ds and pulled him close and she STILL ignored him! Then finally said "still playing guitar" He looked at her and said "of course" and she bopped off on her way.<br><br>
There’s more, but I don't want to bore you more than I already have. So, here's what I think I should do. I'd like to call the principal and ask for a moment to talk. I want to bring the report card and then explain the situation. How I had talked to her just 2 weeks before and she told me things were fine. How she's treated ds and he DREADS music class and ask her what her thoughts are.<br><br>
Anyone else dealt with a teacher like this? This woman is so nasty and I don't like how she treats boys. I found out this summer that she wrote on one of his classmate’s report cards that she thinks he has physiological problems! I can't believe A MUSIC teacher would do this.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> She sounds nasty, alright. I wouldn't let anything she does slide by. Sounds like she may have some "control issues" and may not be in her job for the right reasons. I've known teachers who really cannot handle a kid who is as comfortable with themselves as may AP'd kids are. They feel the need to "put them in their place". Or maybe I'm projecting my own experiences onto your situation....<br><br>
Either way, I think you should definitely stick up for your kid. I would give one shot at an honest and open conversation with the music teacher (you know, use lots of "I" statements, don't accuse her of anything, be unemotional as possible, stick with the facts - like what exact behaviors caused her to write those things on ds's report card). If you don't get anywhere, and my guess is you won't, then go straight to the principle with your concerns. Your son is being affected negatively by this woman, and he needs to know that you believe in him. If he dreads music class, it might start to stifle his wonderful, special talent for and love of music. It breaks my heart to think of any kids' spirit being damaged by people like her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
Can you tell this almost happened to one of my kids?
 

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Oh my son and your son should get together. He is in 3rd grade too. He hates music!! The teacher dislikes him! My son is a pretty free spirit, but thinks it's just dumb to sing Farmer in the Dell type songs in 3rd grade (even in preschool he was resistant to cute songs!) Anywya, he wants to do something RELEVANT in music, so he acts up, because he feels so stupid with the stupid cute songs! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> He frequently gets rude comments on his report card, though not as abrasive as the comment you got.<br><br>
I think meeting with the music teacher would be a good idea for both of us. They need to get with the times, and adjust music classes to what kids are really interested in--not old songs and just classical. They should be teaching kids to be passionate about music!<br><br>
I don't know if it would help your son to know there is another 3rd grader out there who dreads music class!!
 

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This woman is a mental case. I definately think its time to get the principal involved. Doesn't the principal check the comments to make sure they are appropriate? I know they did at my kids former school.<br><br>
Your ds is a wonderful kid and its too bad she's got so many issues she can't see that. Has she singled out dd as well?
 

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I have not had problems like that yet (knocks on wood) but I agree, it's time to go to the principle.<br><br>
From what you have already stated you have already made the initiative to listen to what she might have to say, and by her comments and actions, she is obviously avoiding you and she obviously knows that her statements were out of line.<br><br>
Maybe if things continue on this way you should talk to the mom of the student "who needs phsycological help" to see where things have gone with her situation. It may be possible that she would like to confront the principle with the statement she recieved about her child.<br><br>
It is totally understandable that some students and teachers clash, but she is an adult and should be a role model to these children, and instead she's acting like the child and could cause long term damage to your child.<br>
Maybe she needs phsycological help. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
My advice is that if you do decide to attempt to meet with her, to listen first to what she has to say and then ask questions after.<br>
We all know that children act differently when we aren't around.<br>
Also, if she says your child is doing "fine", ask her what "fine" means to her. She should be more specific and provide explainations when she is reporting your childs progress to you.<br><br>
Here are some things you might want to take down for when you have another meeting- Although I don't always agree with iParenting magazine, I get it for free as a gift and some of the articles are helpful and give me ideas.<br><br>
The crucial questions:<br>
How does my child work and play? This slightly vague umbrella question might yeild the teacher's first impression of your chhild.<br><br>
Can he follow instuctions? and Does he follow instructions? You'll not only get a sense of how cooperative he is when you're not around, but the teacher's answer may reveal something about how tolerant of kids she is.<br><br>
Does he raise his hand and express ideas? Provides an idea of his level of classroom involvement.<br><br>
Does he share? Gets basic social ease. Follow up with "how does he approach a group?"<br><br>
Does he finish what he starts? Yields details on his attention and focus, and the teachers standards.<br><br>
What are his strengths? Go ahead, fish for some compliments. May also make the teacher pause to think.<br><br>
Whom does he play with? Useful playdate info; also illuminates the teacher's grasp of students social swirl.<br><br>
and here was something kind of funny:<br><br>
translating teacherese<br><br>
What's said: It may mean:<br><br>
Challenge -> problem<br>
insecurity -> incompetence<br>
in need of approval -> clingy<br>
benefits from supervision -> destructive<br>
angry -> bullying<br>
works too quickly -> messy<br><br><br><br>
HTH, I will be taking some of these questions with me on the 24th for meet the teacher night.<br><br>
I really do hope that all works out for you and your son. Best of luck to you and let us know how you make out!<br><br>
Jessica
 

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Oooh girl! That just gets my mama hackles all up. I have raised holy [email protected]%% for far lesser offenses than that. Subjective commentary like that is hurtful & even abusive to a child IMO. If she thinks a child has psychological or emotional problems, then she needs to refer them to the counselor & refrain from making assessments that she's not qualified to make. I would be concerned that children in the class are being subjected to far worse emotional/psychological abuse if that is what she allows parents to see. And the fact that she refused to meet with you or return your calls is outrageous! I would most definitely meet with the principal & in no uncertain terms tell him/her that such behavior is not appropriate or welcome in your school. In fact, if the principal doesn't do something about this woman I'd take it to a higher authority.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks ladies, what wise women you all are <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Jessica, what sound advice! I'm going to copy that.<br><br>
I meet with the principal on Monday and we'll take it from there. She was very concerned and egar to talk to me and resolve this. I do like the principal. She's helped me with some other issues last year and really extended herself to ds.<br><br>
The child 'with phychological' problums moved this summer to another school district. By the way, he's spent the night at our house and even attended family gatherings with us. My family adores him and I think he's an awesome little guy! He's intelegent and FULL of energy, but a NORMAl and loving little kid.<br><br>
My ds is very social and I know there are times he talks out of turn, expresses his opinions, or dosn't pay attention. I've worked in his classroom last year and observed this. But, as you stated, SHE is the adult and I'm MORE than willing to work with her.<br><br>
Thanks again, I'll update you on Monday.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Ms. Mom</i><br><b>To make a long story short she wrote some pretty harsh things on his report card and when I called her she never returned my call.</b></td>
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Wow. Not returning a call from a parent would be cause for serious reprimand from the administration at my husband's school.<br><br>
It sounds like this woman, given enough time, could wreak havoc on your ds' love of music. I'm guessing she's intimidated and perhaps even a tad bit jealous of his talent? I hope you all can come to a happy solution... Good luck tomorrow. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Things went ok. After a talk with the Principal we sat down with her. Of course she denied her 'attitude' toward myself and my son and appologized for us feeling that way <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: The principal did say that her comments on the report card should not have been made without first contacting us and that in the future she needs to make more effort to work with a family when there is an issue.<br><br>
Dragonfly, the problum there is that I got busy and forgot to follow up last year. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Trust me, won't happen twice <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
Ds has music on Thursday and Friday. I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes. I expect her to be down right 'gushy' with him like she was with me - I can't stand people like that!<br><br>
I asked a lot of questions about ds and she said he was doing fine this year. All I can say is that if his report card reflects different she'll be in deep doo doo!! I'm documenting EVERYTHING and I won't think twice before going to the Board of Education about her.<br><br>
Thank you all again for your support. This issue has really weighed heavily on me. I just like the school so much and the teachers. Also, my kids LOVE it there. They actually look forward to going to school.
 

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I have one word for that teacher and it isn't nice! I have an issue with the principal too, what is this business about not writing those comments on the report card without contacting theparents first? She should not use that kind of language at all!! I am getting the feeling that she is older, tired, and can't deal with boys who are much more energetic and feels threatened by a talented student/
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I think the pricipal was just trying to make a point without repremanding her. I'm ok with it because the point was made that she needs to communicate with the parents.<br><br>
Actually, she's about 25 or so! I think she just dosn't like guys at all!<br><br>
Yesterday she told the class that she was the hardest teacher ever because that's the only way to learn. Ds raised his hand and said "my guitar teacher is really patient and I learn from him" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> I asked if he really said that and he gave me a blank stair and said "yeah, why? was that ok?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"><br><br>
Ds did say she mimiked a kid yesterday to poked fun at him for acting up. I was proud when he also told me "she thought we were laughing at 'A', but we were laughing <b>AT</b> her".<br><br>
Trust me, I'm drilling my poor son on Music days. I've asked dd as well and she seems to like music because she get's to sing silly songs.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Ms. Mom</i><br>
Yesterday she told the class that she was the hardest teacher ever because that's the only way to learn. Ds raised his hand and said "my guitar teacher is really patient and I learn from him" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> I asked if he really said that and he gave me a blank stair and said "yeah, why? was that ok?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bouncy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bouncy"></td>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> Good for him!<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Ds did say she mimiked a kid yesterday to poked fun at him for acting up. I was proud when he also told me "she thought we were laughing at 'A', but we were laughing <b>AT</b> her".<br></td>
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LOL Kids are smarter than the teacher. I suspect (hope) her job won't last too long if she keeps up like this.
 
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