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Ok so we were at an adults and kids party with a bunch of friends who know we recently adopted our daughter.<br><br>
One of the "Girlfriends" who we didn't know started a conversation about how our Son looked just like both of us but our daughter didn't look like us at all and how weird that was. "She has dark hair and you are all blondes weird".<br><br>
Well we usually let this comment kinda drop on the floor because there is no response that doesn't change the mood in the room. (We love talking about our adoption, but it tends to completly take over the room when we talk about it). Well usually people just let it go but this woman went on and on to the point where it would have been embarasing to her if we did finally say "she is adopted" So we felt kind of bad that many people at the party ended up secretly having a chuckle. But it was still funny.<br><br>
Ok so that was a few weeks ago.<br><br>
Two days ago we were at the hospital waiting room (yay a new nephew <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> ) and this couple came in with a son near DS's age so they played together while I held DD (she is 2m old). After a while the dad said "Aww she is so pretty and she looks just like you".<br><br>
It is just kind of funny how people's perceptions can be all over the board.
 

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Oh for funny, we get that too. People usually think DD looks like DH but I don't see it. I have blond hair, blue eyes, and am very fair. DH is brown hair, green eyes, and a little tanner. DD is jet black hair, black eyes (you can't see her pupils) and olive skinned. We get some confused looks now and then.
 

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Been told numerous times dd looks like me but has dh eyes. Which she does have his eyes, but can't see the resemblance between she and I. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I was once at a reception <i><b>to celebrate National Adoption Month</b></i>, and a lady came up to me, holding my ds, and said, "Wow, he sure must look like your husband because he sure doesn't look like you!" The look on her face was priceless when I replied, "Oh, actually, he's the spitting image of his birthmother." Then, not 5 minutes later, another person commented on just how much he did look like me.<br><br>
I get really sick of all the people who do know we've adopted going on and on about which one of us each of our children look like. I guess it's not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it seems like virtually everyone has to comment on it. With both my ds and my dd, some people say each of them looks like dh, others say each looks like me. In reality, they don't look either one of us. Ds does have bushy eyebrows like me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> and a high forehead like dh. But that's about it.
 

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I have to add that I think this is hilarious. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Because I always thought that you and my dh resembled each other a lot. Plus you're dw and I have a lot of the same coloring it seems (the blond and light eyes).<br><br>
Not to mention, not everyone looks like their parents anyway. I know I look nothing like mine (everyone used to ask my mom if I was adopted).<br><br>
I guess sometimes people just feel the need to say <i>something</i> when they're among others. So sometimes the stuff that they come up with to fill in the silences can be quite amusing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Well, your kids (or anyone) can look like you even if they aren't biologically related.<br><br>
One of the first things my mom said to my new boyfriend was "You look the way I always imagined my children would look" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: (he is tall and lanky, like my mom and my grandfather).
 

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I've had several people say how much DS looks like me. I am caucasian, very pale with light brown hair. DS is african american <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao">
 

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the playground and say huh, is your dh asian? I wanted so much to say no but her father is and leave it at that. LMBO. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> People are just goofy.
 

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My adopted, hald Asian sister has occassionally been assumed to be my bio daughter's mother. When I am standing right there!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kannon1004</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6385648"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I've had several people say how much DS looks like me. I am caucasian, very pale with light brown hair. DS is african american <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I often get the confused look and people say things like "Hmmm I cant figure out who the little one looks like!" I ignore it and let them squirm.<br><br>
I also get the "do your girls have different daddys?" question alot. I smile and say nope, same daddy.<br><br>
I am fair, green eyes, lt brown hair. DH has darker brown hair and eyes, also fair. Older (bio) dd is <i>very</i> fair, blonde hair blue eyed. Baby dd has gorgeous black curls, dark almondy brown eyes, and latte colored skin. She is hispanic, and the funny thing is, so is my side of the family. I happen to be the odd ball. When she is with anyone else on my side, she looks like she could be one of thier birth children! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> Our bio kids could very easily look like her.<br><br>
Although I do have to say, I know a family who has two adopted girls. The youngest looks SO MUCH like her adoptive mom! I think she used to get annoyed when I mentioned it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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BNAK<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sesa70</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6389459"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Although I do have to say, I know a family who has two adopted girls. The youngest looks SO MUCH like her adoptive mom! I think she used to get annoyed when I mentioned it</div>
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ds looks very much like me, but I think he looks like dw too. We didn't plan it that way, it's just how it happened. We had no idea what ds would look like when we walked into the special care nursery. We knew only that he was a boy, and his name. We didn't know his weight, race, ethnicity, height, hair color, features, or anything else.<br><br>
It's funny because my dw has latte colored skin with olive tones, dark curly hair, and brown eyes. When ds was first born, he looked just like her: dark skin, deep blue eyes that looked like they'd turn brown any minute, and dark brown hair. Then, when he was maybe four months old, his skin and hair started to lighten, and everybody kept on commenting how he was looking more like me. He now (at 18 months) has blonde hair, like me, brown eyes, like dw, light skin, like me, olive tones in his skin, like dw (I have pink tones), and curly hair, like dw. His nose is wide, like mine. He has a tendency toward dark circles under his eyes if he is lacking in sleep, having allergies, having an asthma attack, or doesn't feel well, like dw. Everything else is unique to him and his birthfamilies. When we go out, because we are two women with babies, sometimes we come across people trying to figure out "which one is the mommy." Whoever is holding ds will be assumed to be mother. It could go either way...so as much as some people comment on how much he looks like me with his blonde hair and light skin and wide nose (which is really the only stuff we have in common...but still, people say he looks most like me-- just goes to show how many assumptions people make based on skin coloring and hair), obviously he looks equally, if not more, like my dw.<br><br>
I think it is sort of funny how much dw and I *both* look like our ds. I don't get annoyed when people comment on it (when it is in moderation), though if people comment on how beautiful he is, I have been known to say on occassion, "It's a gift from his birthmother," or "I can't take any credit for that," or "Yes, his birthmother is rather beautiful herself." I never feel comfortable giving the natural response of, "thank you," because it really is a comment that has nothing to do with me. Sometimes I say to pre-verbal ds, "Say, thank you," just to ackowledge the proper ettiquette of the situation for the person giving him the compliment, without accepting it as something having to do with me.<br><br>
Having said all that, when dw's family saw that dfd (foster-adopt) was light skinned and blonde as well, one of her brothers said to me, "Why do they always look like you?" It was said in a light-hearted manner, and I know he wasn't trying to be insensitive or anything, but it rubbed me the wrong way. First, they look like their birthfamilies first and foremost...it doesn't really matter who they look like in our family, or if they look like any of us. Second, ds does look an awful lot like dw and not quite as much like me, and if it wasn't for the fact that he no longer has dark skin and hair like my dw, I think people would see that.<br><br>
dfd does not look much like the kids in my family of origin (and definitely not like anybody in dw's family, including dw), but I could see how people who haven't met my extended family might think she looks like me. She has pink tones in her skin, chubby cheeks, blonde hair, and a wide nose like me, and although my eyes are grey, not blue like hers, they are within the same range of colors. I think when people see my dw and me with her, they are more likely to assume I am mother and dw is nanny or something-- urgh (that is where some prejudice comes into play)!<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">the playground and say huh, is your dh asian? I wanted so much to say no but her father is and leave it at that.</td>
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I have a friend who adopted her daughter from China. Though she is not Chinese herself (and in fact, has very fair skin and light hair), she and her daughter have similar dainty features, a very similar body type, and lots of the same mannerisms. She could "easily be" her birth mother, depending on the other half of the genes.<br><br>
Actually, funny story. This same friend above introduced me to another woman and her child. The other woman is also fair skinned with blonde hair. Her son is Korean. I just assumed these women knew each other from adoption circles, but I quickly got a lesson to correct my own assumptions and ignorance. I met this woman's husband, and lo and behold, he is Korean. Ooops. Learned a big fat one with that experience. But, what is funny, is that I came to find out that this couple's son was indeed adopted and not their birthson.<br><br>
Of course, what is rude is people assuming they can inquire about somebody's husband at all when a mom is alone with her daughter on the playground.
 

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I love reading these threads. I'm always amazed at the kinds of crazy, personal questions/comments strangers, and even friends, come up with.<br><br>
I hope I am prepared when/if I encounter such folks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sierra</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6390082"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">if people comment on how beautiful he is, I have been known to say on occassion, "It's a gift from his birthmother," or "I can't take any credit for that," or "Yes, his birthmother is rather beautiful herself." I never feel comfortable giving the natural response of, "thank you," because it really is a comment that has nothing to do with me...</div>
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When people comment on how beautiful dd is, I usually respond "yes, we think so too" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I have a friend who adopted her daughter from China. Though she is not Chinese herself (and in fact, has very fair skin and light hair), she and her daughter have similar dainty features, a very similar body type, and lots of the same mannerisms. She could "easily be" her birth mother, depending on the other half of the genes..</td>
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I get this a lot too. I'm primarily English and Irish descent, and dd is Chinese. But we do share similar facial features, I believe (she's one of the fair eurasian Chinese, with oval eyes and silky reddish brown hair). I've had folks assume my husband must be Chinese or that she had a different father than my dh.<br><br>
I think she really mimics my facial expressions and mannerisms a lot, and that probably has much to do with it as well.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>blessed</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6391287"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">When people comment on how beautiful dd is, I usually respond "yes, we think so too" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.</div>
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Oh, yes, when I posted, I forgot about that, but I say it a lot as well: "He is, isn't he?!" or "Isn't he, though?" or "Yes, we think so too." It might be my most common response.
 

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DD looks just like me, and we have a lot of the same personality traits and same sense of humor. One of her teachers called to talk to me about my dd "lying" because dd told her that she was adopted! We've also had people say things like "oh, the apple didn't fall far from that tree!" or "it's so easy to see who your mom is".<br><br>
My oldest brother is adopted and when I was growing up my friends would say that my brother and sister look so much alike...and ask if *I* was adopted!!! Now when I look at my brother I see so much of our dad in him...but my brother has also met his birth siblings and when they are together I see the resemblence there too.
 

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My parents adopted me when I was 3, and we used to get comments like that all the time. People would insist that my dad and I "had the same nose" or "had the same eyes".<br><br>
I have to say that as a child I loved hearing things like that - even though I knew how absurd it was.
 

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We are caucasian and our daughter is Chinese and I had someone ask me if we would tell our daughter that she was adopted. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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usually, I get asked the "where is he adopted from?" , especially if dh or ds1 (bio) is with us. But several times, when by myself with just Connor, I have had people ask me if my dh was Korean (or Asian). Looking objectively, I can see some similiarity, mainly in that my eyes are rather almond shaped for a "typical caucasian", and ds2 is, for a Korean, very fair complected, althogh darker than me (think glow in the dark<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ). I have never really taken offense to the questions; often I find teh "is your dh Asian' question a way that people politely dip into "is your son adopted" and have always had positive interactions. I had a very interesting discussion with one lady who felt that adopted children grow to look their adoptive parent, because of facial expressions, interactions, reactions, etc. over time. I think there is probably some truth to that, thinking of several families with adult adoptees that I have known. While there may not be a specific feature that you can say "he's got my nose" for example, the general "he looks like you" may be true when you just can't quite put a finger on it but see the resemblence due to habits and microexpressions.
 

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I’m adopted, and people have always told my mother and I that we look alike. Actually, we really do! My mom when I was younger, and then both of us as I got older, always just said “Yes, we do, don’t we?” or something like that. We rarely felt the need to get into the whole explaining I was adopted thing.<br><br>
My mom told me once about something odd someone said to her: I have a brother who’s adopted too. Once, after my mom told a man that she had adopted us both, he then said “Oh! Are they brother and sister?” Ummmmmm, yessssssss… <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
And along the same lines, my DD is not adopted but my DH is Japanese, and you can really see it in DD’s appearance. I’m a very light Caucasian. I can’t TELL you the number of times people have asked me, about DD, “Is she yours?” Hell yes, she’s “mine”. She’d be mine if she was adopted, for heaven’s sake. Maybe as an adoptee myself I’m more sensitive to that question than others might be, but it really steams me when people ask it like that.
 
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