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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I had a very interesting phone conversation with stbx's girlfriend. I called her to arrange a time to meet, so stbx can take ds for the day. He will not take ds on his own and apparently HAS to have her there and I will not allow him to have her around ds until I meet her.

All in all, she is great! We are so similar in so many ways, it is a bit frightening. Since she is also a single mommy to a 2 year old, she is wonderfully understanding, even more so because her situation with her ex and his girlfriend is very bad.

BUT...she started to ask me things about stbx. She is having doubts and issues with him. The ironic thing is that her doubts and issues are the SAME exact ones I had. She was a bit angered that stbx has not taken ds without her, this definitely did not sit well with her. She feels that "if I give him the space and support, he will grow"!
: I told her..."Yep, I thought the same exact thing"!


She also told me that he said I was "difficult to live with"! She and I both kind of laughed about this one because her ex said the same exact thing about her. For me and stbx, it is because he finds me too emotional, which is funny because he exhibits ABSOLUTELY NO EMOTION!!!!

I did not tell her anything about him that she didn't ask for, nor did I elaborate on anything more than she asked. But, I was chuckling through the majority of the conversation. What a strange, strange, strange situation to be in, but I must say I wasn't hurt, angry or upset. If anything, I was concerned because I really like her and I REALLY want them to work out, because god forbid what the next girlfriend will be like! I will have to start all over again!

So, she is coming over next weekend, Saturday, with her daughter. I told stbx that I did not want him there, because it immediately makes the situation: stex wife meets new girlfriend, instead of just one single mommy meeting another single mommy.
 

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I'm glad for you and your ds that she is a nice person. I'm also glad she's willing to meet with you. I think it'll be much easier for everyone if you all get along.

What you said about being similar doesn't really surprise me. I've read lots of places that says what we don't heal from our last relationship, we move into the next one. Quite often we'll choose the same kind of people all over again because we still didn't get the lesson! He moved on to her pretty quickly, so I'm guessing he didn't resolve a lot of his issues in that short period of time.

Hope your meeting with her goes well.
 

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Wow, I think that it's great that you are able to meet her on neutral grounds without all the ex-wife and girlfriend drama. Sounds like she is sincere and cares about your DS, too. I'd be leary about being drawn into conversations about your ex, though. It would just feel weird to me, but that's JMO.
 

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Holland, I've always thought that you must be mature and loving to the nth degree to be so willing and ready to start up a good relationship with a woman whom your former partner began a relationship with while still "with" you.

You are bigger than most. Your ds is so lucky.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks Mocha, that is a very nice compliment. I truly appreciate it.

I don't know if it has to do with maturity, I think it has more to do with the fact that 1) I am SO MUCH better without him, something I didn't realized until I was without him; 2) stbx will have girlfriends, as he has already shown that he cannot be without a woman, so ds and I will always have to "deal" with these women; 3) regardless of all the horrible, shitty things that stbx has done--to me, he has been VERY understanding and supportive.

I figure the best way I can have somekind of "control" over the girlfriend situation is if I REQUIRE that I meet the girlfriends before they have time alone with ds. Now, if I have bad vibes about one of them, we will see how mature I really am!


I also think it helps because I have absolutely NO romantic, loving feelings for him, at all!!!! It is all very bittersweet, but for the best.
 

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I had a dream about being friends with my ex's girlfriend last night. I think it was because of this thread.

When my ex told me he had a girlfriend, I immediately envisioned us all getting along. At that time my ex & I were getting along great. We all spent time together & did things as a family....and both of us were very clear we did not have any feelings for each other any more, we were simply hanging out so we could all be together. I just imagined that we would all hang out for birthdays or whatever & we would continue our amicable relationship.

I was shocked when he announced that she did not want to ever meet me, she never wanted to be friendly with me & she didn't want him to be anywhere near me at all.

I realize now that because of a bad past experience that she went through, she is scared that we will reunite & terrified of being hurt. As a result, the kids see less of their father and when he is around he's an a$$ anyway.

I let go of trying to be nice to her a long time ago and I really don't care. I think it's sad that my ex would choose someone who would encourage him to create such distance between his kids......but when I really look at him & his emotional baggage, he pushes everyone away too, so he doesn't "get hurt". I guess it was inevitable that he'd push the kids away too (unless he did some serious growth work & changed).

Anyway, I thought it was funny that I was dreaming about it all last night. You are lucky that he's picked a good one.

My hopes are that one day my ex will get his crap together a bit more & find a woman who encourages him to be the kind of father I always thought he could be.

Didn't mean to take over your thread!
 
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