p.s. yes, I think your fears are normal.
The idea of having twins is causing panic attacks....
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So, tell me that you all went through this too.
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I hit the 20 week mark today. These twins are coming in like 4-5 months. And just the thought of that is enough to cause me to break out into a cold sweat.
I am scared about taking care of three kids on no sleep. I am scared about having enough time and energy to breastfeed two babies at the same time. I am scared that my toddler won't feel as special or as loved. I am scared that they won't ever sleep. I am scared that I will never get time to myself because they won't nap at the same time. I am scared I may have a nervous breakdown trying to care for everyone.
These worries are normal right? Like, I just don't want them to come out. They can stay in there for the next two years or so....
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Tell me it won't be that bad.
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I hit the 20 week mark today. These twins are coming in like 4-5 months. And just the thought of that is enough to cause me to break out into a cold sweat.
I am scared about taking care of three kids on no sleep. I am scared about having enough time and energy to breastfeed two babies at the same time. I am scared that my toddler won't feel as special or as loved. I am scared that they won't ever sleep. I am scared that I will never get time to myself because they won't nap at the same time. I am scared I may have a nervous breakdown trying to care for everyone.
These worries are normal right? Like, I just don't want them to come out. They can stay in there for the next two years or so....
Tell me it won't be that bad.
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p.s. yes, I think your fears are normal.
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Thank you. I do have some help lined up during the day for the first several weeks. I gotta say though, it isn't the day that worries me, it is the nights.
Originally Posted by esaesa
p.s. yes, I think your fears are normal. |
Don't even think about the nights right now you'll just cause yourself a lot of undue stress and, ironically, you'll keep yourself awake at night worrying : )
It doesn't matter what idea/plan you have before the babes are born in regards to daily life/sleep/survival, it's bound to be different, even a little different than even the best laid plan or the worst fears....
When they arrive, just do what works for you guys, for us (at night) it was wrapping the babes together to sleep in the old pram next to our bed, when they fussed I'd wheel them out, change, nurse, change again them (while indulging in late night TV!) then rewrap them, then I'd peek in at older DS's (1 and 11) then back to bed, some nights I did this 6 times or more, some nights only twice.
Take whatever help you can get during the day, and if a kindly old neighbor offers to stroll the babes down the path while you put your feet up and read to your older kids, please, jump at it
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Don't listen to negativity regarding the sleepless nights, the crying, the nursing, the laundry because it will overwhelm you. Focus on your strength as a mother, your own wisdom and instincts, and revel in it, because it's over before you know it! (Save the panicking for when they both start climbing stairs.....)
I hope I don't sound bossy : )
It doesn't matter what idea/plan you have before the babes are born in regards to daily life/sleep/survival, it's bound to be different, even a little different than even the best laid plan or the worst fears....
When they arrive, just do what works for you guys, for us (at night) it was wrapping the babes together to sleep in the old pram next to our bed, when they fussed I'd wheel them out, change, nurse, change again them (while indulging in late night TV!) then rewrap them, then I'd peek in at older DS's (1 and 11) then back to bed, some nights I did this 6 times or more, some nights only twice.
Take whatever help you can get during the day, and if a kindly old neighbor offers to stroll the babes down the path while you put your feet up and read to your older kids, please, jump at it
Don't listen to negativity regarding the sleepless nights, the crying, the nursing, the laundry because it will overwhelm you. Focus on your strength as a mother, your own wisdom and instincts, and revel in it, because it's over before you know it! (Save the panicking for when they both start climbing stairs.....)
I hope I don't sound bossy : )
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I think your worries are completely normal. The idea of twins totally spun me. I'm still trying to catch up and my duo are 15 months old!
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It's probably not going to be as hard as you think. I was seriously prepared for the worst of it. I had a 17 month old high needs daughter, a 3 year old, a 4 year old, and a 6 year old when they were born. I was battening down the hatches! LOL! And it was all consuming and some points were very difficult but overall it was easier than I thought in most ways, they slept well from 4 weeks til 4 months which allowed me to catch my breath, I used the swing and bouncer as much as I had to without an ounce of guilt, I LOVED my double stroller and my buckle soft carrier, and we breezed through. I adore my twins even though I didn't even think I wanted ONE baby when I got an "oops".
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It's probably not going to be as hard as you think. I was seriously prepared for the worst of it. I had a 17 month old high needs daughter, a 3 year old, a 4 year old, and a 6 year old when they were born. I was battening down the hatches! LOL! And it was all consuming and some points were very difficult but overall it was easier than I thought in most ways, they slept well from 4 weeks til 4 months which allowed me to catch my breath, I used the swing and bouncer as much as I had to without an ounce of guilt, I LOVED my double stroller and my buckle soft carrier, and we breezed through. I adore my twins even though I didn't even think I wanted ONE baby when I got an "oops".
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A big yeah that to all of that. It's true, you just never know what kind of babies you're gonna get. You could get sleepers, you might not. You just don't know. For me crying wasn't much of an issue b/c I would just stick a breast in their mouths the moment they peeped. Try not to stress too much now. Just enjoy this time with your family as it is now. Twins are a challenge, but from reading your other posts here it sounds like you have met other challenges in your life with grace. Late night tv saved my sanity. Yes, I was upright nursing through the night, but I was watching Three Men and a Baby! I would tape a show or movie and then watch part of it during one session and then look forward to the rest for the next one.
For the help the biggest help will be hanging with your son and/or doing laundry and straightening up. Meals, etc, too.
You'll get through this and then you'll be able to add it to your list of accomplishments. Not many mamas can say they made it through twins. We are SO COOL!
Originally Posted by childsplay Don't even think about the nights right now you'll just cause yourself a lot of undue stress and, ironically, you'll keep yourself awake at night worrying : ) It doesn't matter what idea/plan you have before the babes are born in regards to daily life/sleep/survival, it's bound to be different, even a little different than even the best laid plan or the worst fears.... When they arrive, just do what works for you guys, for us (at night) it was wrapping the babes together to sleep in the old pram next to our bed, when they fussed I'd wheel them out, change, nurse, change again them (while indulging in late night TV!) then rewrap them, then I'd peek in at older DS's (1 and 11) then back to bed, some nights I did this 6 times or more, some nights only twice. Take whatever help you can get during the day, and if a kindly old neighbor offers to stroll the babes down the path while you put your feet up and read to your older kids, please, jump at it
Don't listen to negativity regarding the sleepless nights, the crying, the nursing, the laundry because it will overwhelm you. Focus on your strength as a mother, your own wisdom and instincts, and revel in it, because it's over before you know it! (Save the panicking for when they both start climbing stairs.....) I hope I don't sound bossy : ) |
For the help the biggest help will be hanging with your son and/or doing laundry and straightening up. Meals, etc, too.
You'll get through this and then you'll be able to add it to your list of accomplishments. Not many mamas can say they made it through twins. We are SO COOL!
Don't forget that your postpartum hormones will help you to deal with the night-wakings. It can be hard to remember that when you aren't experiencing it.
The first 8 weeks of nights were relatively rough for us, but once I figured out side-lying nursing, it seriously was not a big deal. And since you've already nursed a baby, you'll likely be able to side-lie much earlier than that (at least, for me, it was much easier the second time around, I was doing it with my third baby from birth).
I just interviewed my six-year-old twins about what it's like to be twins. They are loving it right now, and I really do feel like we've reached the point where our life is EASIER for having twins. And certainly more fun.
Don't worry!
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Lex
The first 8 weeks of nights were relatively rough for us, but once I figured out side-lying nursing, it seriously was not a big deal. And since you've already nursed a baby, you'll likely be able to side-lie much earlier than that (at least, for me, it was much easier the second time around, I was doing it with my third baby from birth).
I just interviewed my six-year-old twins about what it's like to be twins. They are loving it right now, and I really do feel like we've reached the point where our life is EASIER for having twins. And certainly more fun.
Don't worry!
Lex
It won't be that bad. Really.
It is hard work. But you can do it. You were made to do it!
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It is hard work. But you can do it. You were made to do it!
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Originally Posted by herdingkittens It won't be that bad. Really. It is hard work. But you can do it. You were made to do it!
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First of all, thank you soooooo much for talking me through this. It really does help me to hear this from all of you. I am such an anxious person anyway, and the unknowns are just adding to that. I am in therapy, but sometimes you just need the wisdom of other twin mamas to feel better.
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I am going to respond to everyone, so this will have to be two huge posts.
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I do plan on getting some help with housecleaning and wrangling my toddler. Thanks for the perspective.
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Yes, I do stay up at night worrying about the nights to come. It is really hard not to let others' negativity not get to me. All I hear when I say we are having twins is "Oh wow, are you in for it! You are never going to sleep." Frankly I want to punch the next person that says that! And no, you don't sound too bossy at all!
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Battening down the hatches is a great phrase to describe what I am doing. My husband says that I am preparing for a national disaster.
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Not that national disasters are funny.... And yes, I will make full use of the bouncer chairs and swings. With NO guilt!
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Yes, can I put in an order for the sleeping kind of baby?!
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And thank you for the lovely compliment. Oh and late night TV will save me no doubt. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
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Thank you so much. I am sorry that you were told to feed every two hours.
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What a way to set up a mama for failure and heartache. I'm glad you pushed through that. My mom does live about 20 minutes away and she only works on weekends so I think that she is going to come help every day for the first couple months. Just having someone else here with me will be a big help I think.
I am going to respond to everyone, so this will have to be two huge posts.
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Originally Posted by mamaeliz You never know what kind of babies you will get. My nights with the twins were never that rough. I can count on one hand the number of significantly "rough" nites. Did they wake often to feed? yes. But I slept with them, so I just sat up a little and tandemed them back to sleep. If one wanted to linger on the breast, I'd just lay down with that one attached. It was hard with DD1, but she stepped up to the challenge of it all. Do we still have extraordinarily hard times with her? uh huh!!! But, overall, it works out. Get as much help as you can. People helping were not much substitute for me (nursing babies, older sibling wanting mama), but they fed me and my family, and that was great. I think that it was about the same time as you that I freaked out. It's big. But there are many mamas here to tell you that you will get through it, and life will look differently.... richer in some areas, and lacking a bit in others, but overall, quite good. |
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Originally Posted by childsplay Don't even think about the nights right now you'll just cause yourself a lot of undue stress and, ironically, you'll keep yourself awake at night worrying : ) Don't listen to negativity regarding the sleepless nights, the crying, the nursing, the laundry because it will overwhelm you. Focus on your strength as a mother, your own wisdom and instincts, and revel in it, because it's over before you know it! (Save the panicking for when they both start climbing stairs.....) I hope I don't sound bossy : ) |
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Originally Posted by Intertwined I think your worries are completely normal. The idea of twins totally spun me. I'm still trying to catch up and my duo are 15 months old!
It's probably not going to be as hard as you think. I was seriously prepared for the worst of it. I had a 17 month old high needs daughter, a 3 year old, a 4 year old, and a 6 year old when they were born. I was battening down the hatches! LOL! And it was all consuming and some points were very difficult but overall it was easier than I thought in most ways, they slept well from 4 weeks til 4 months which allowed me to catch my breath, I used the swing and bouncer as much as I had to without an ounce of guilt, I LOVED my double stroller and my buckle soft carrier, and we breezed through. I adore my twins even though I didn't even think I wanted ONE baby when I got an "oops".
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Originally Posted by yogafeet A big yeah that to all of that. It's true, you just never know what kind of babies you're gonna get. You could get sleepers, you might not. You just don't know. For me crying wasn't much of an issue b/c I would just stick a breast in their mouths the moment they peeped. Try not to stress too much now. Just enjoy this time with your family as it is now. Twins are a challenge, but from reading your other posts here it sounds like you have met other challenges in your life with grace. Late night tv saved my sanity. Yes, I was upright nursing through the night, but I was watching Three Men and a Baby! I would tape a show or movie and then watch part of it during one session and then look forward to the rest for the next one. For the help the biggest help will be hanging with your son and/or doing laundry and straightening up. Meals, etc, too. You'll get through this and then you'll be able to add it to your list of accomplishments. Not many mamas can say they made it through twins. We are SO COOL! |
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Originally Posted by Red Pajama Your fears are normal. I was certainly stunned and worried about the complexities of twins. People told me many things about twins, much of which did nothing to calm my fears. My reality was different, and not nearly as bad as people would have me believe. Nursing twins was ... I don't want to call it difficult, because it worked for me, but it was exhausting. Find a comfortable spot with a good twin pillow and plan on spending lots of time there. Having help is almost a necessity with twins. It'd be great if a relative could come live with you for a few weeks. My doctor wrote my husband a "note" so he could take additional time off, although with family medical leave I'm not sure it was necessary. Things that saved me were learning to swaddle, and the realization about 4 days home (so about 8 days old) that if one of the babies cried, feed him! We had a miserable 4 days trying to do as I was told and feeding every two hours. Twins are such a unique blessing. You will find your own rhythm, and define your family's normal. And there is life after infancy. My boys are 4.5 now, and while I miss the baby stage, they continue to amaze me. Good luck! I wish you a long, healthy pregnancy. |
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Thank you for replying! I read your thread about 6 year old twins and it really brightened my day. I hope to get the hang of side-lying nursing a little quicker this time around. With my son it was around 3 months or so.
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Thank you for relating. It is nice to not feel so alone. I am going to start Hypnobabies soon and I hope that helps me.
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Thank you!
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This is how I feel too. Depressed, then panicky. Thanks for sharing that with me.
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I am dreading January too. Which isn't like me because I love Christmastime and New Years. And don't feel bad about your fear. I also fear that I will be so huge that I won't be able to move and will never lose the weight.
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I do plan on hiring a cleaning person to come every two weeks or so during the first few months. My mom also lives close and will be on hand to help out. Thanks so much for replying.
Originally Posted by lexbeach Don't forget that your postpartum hormones will help you to deal with the night-wakings. It can be hard to remember that when you aren't experiencing it. The first 8 weeks of nights were relatively rough for us, but once I figured out side-lying nursing, it seriously was not a big deal. And since you've already nursed a baby, you'll likely be able to side-lie much earlier than that (at least, for me, it was much easier the second time around, I was doing it with my third baby from birth). I just interviewed my six-year-old twins about what it's like to be twins. They are loving it right now, and I really do feel like we've reached the point where our life is EASIER for having twins. And certainly more fun. Don't worry!
Lex |
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Originally Posted by mom_of_steele Wow...reading that makes me realize I have been feeling the same thing but haven't really voiced the feelings I guess. I am 29 weeks, so it's getting pretty close. My daughter was SO hard as a baby (screaming all night long for months, re-hospitalized at 2 weeks in pediatrics, constant illnesses) and STILL does not sleep through the night most of the time (at 23 months old) and is SO needy for mommy, that it makes me a bit concerned for how I am going to do it. I just keep thinking "what if BOTH of the babies are screaming ALL night?!" But up until this point I have just kinda shrugged my shoulders and thought, "well, I will just rise to the occasion like I did with my daughter I guess"...just kinda figuring it will all work out in the end. Hopefully I am right lol. It's really hard during tough times to savor the moment...knowing they grow up so fast, but I hope I will remind myself to just try to enjoy it while it lasts. Listening to my hypnobirthing sessions really helps too. I have a fear release one, and they all really just help me to feel more relaxed and at ease about my current as well as my future situations. |
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Originally Posted by herdingkittens It won't be that bad. Really. It is hard work. But you can do it. You were made to do it!
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Originally Posted by Freeman
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Originally Posted by JenChaffee I, too, find myself frightened. I am about 4 and a half months. It is reassuring to hear from real people. The books get me nervous. I guess I should be aware of the worst case, but it is when I read too much about what to expect that I find myself dreading January! These are my first, so I don't have the added worry about older siblings (the stepkids are enough older that I am not worried about it). But here is my other fear. And I feel selfish for having this fear because my logical side assures me that all will work out fine. I am only halfway finished, and I am already ... very substantial. There is another woman at work who is due two months earlier than me, and I have already surpassed her. I manage to frighten myself by envisioning my belly becoming so huge that I become a pain-ridden, non-functional person. |
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Originally Posted by MamaChicken You just do it. Whatever it is that needs to be done, you just do it. Be flexible, ask for help (might be dishes and laundry, might be counseling), release the mommy guilt when things aren't ideal, and wallow shamelessly in the abundance of love you are about to recieve! Blessings mamas! |
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Yes, I know what you mean. It is hard b/c most pregnant people are just having 1 and so you just feel...huge. I am almost 4 months along but a lot bigger than I was with the singleton pregnancies. Logically, I know that of course I will be bigger, as I am carrying 2, but I am wondering what I will feel like/look like at 7 months, 8 months, etc. Being mobile and active is very important to me, so I also have a fear of bedrest.
Originally Posted by JenChaffee But here is my other fear. And I feel selfish for having this fear because my logical side assures me that all will work out fine. I am only halfway finished, and I am already ... very substantial. There is another woman at work who is due two months earlier than me, and I have already surpassed her. I manage to frighten myself by envisioning my belly becoming so huge that I become a pain-ridden, non-functional person. |
I was pretty darn big but I wouldn't say that I was a miserable, non-functioning person until the very, bitter end. Last two weeks? I couldn't move and I was miserable and I hated everyone. Then they came out and I recovered and I felt like it was all worth it and loved every single second.
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i just now remember that when I found out I was pregnant with twins, I googled "twin belly pictures" and then sat in front of the computer and cried.
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