[Essie]

It's that time again; venting about the IL's! They are seriously weird in my book. So they are middle class and I know they are not hurting for money. Usually when they've come here they stay in a hotel (fine by me). We have a 2 bedroom house, 1 bathroom. They are choosing to stay in our backyard in a TENT! this is for 7-8 days folks. Ok, so going pee in the middle of the night? Our back door to the yard goes either to the basement or to the kitchen. It's kind of narrow and there's a door that needs to be opened to get to the kitchen. You then have to walk a little ways to the bathroom. Besides the fact that it will be a pain, I think it's really weird that they would make this choice, and it annoys me because they could spring for a place to stay while they are here. Then, they are bringing their small gross old dog which I HATE. Our neighbors have 2 dogs and one barks at ANYTHING, including me in my own yard just quietly gardening. So, I mention this b/c I think them being back there and in addition having a dog, there will be lots of commotion/barking.<br><br>
I think my take on this is to not mention all these details unless the MIL talks to me about it before they come. I will politely tell her some of my "thoughts". It just seems really strange to not consider these things. They have really only visited a handful of times, and they don't remember all of this and I'm sure my husband is just so excited they are coming that he's not thinking or thinking they will care.<br><br>
My concern is that they will tire of their plan and move themselves into the house. my DH's brother (their son) is staying here at the same time but has claimed the air mattress. So, they could still worm their way in and just sleep on the floor, but again that seems weird b/c FIL has had back problems in the past.<br><br>
Am I over reacting? does this sound weird? any advice on how to cope? I work on call and have only 2 days scheduled to work while they are here! I can only hope I get called in for more hours! To top it off, my MIL stresses me out, as she is phobic about tons of stuff, and is by nature emotionally manipulative. Oh, one last thing; they may be here for July 4th and they were here in the past on the same holiday. She TOTALLY freaked out that the dog would freak out and they didn't even want to go out with us and watch fireworks b/c she had to babysit the dog!<br><br>
Ugh! thanks for listening and please offer your thoughts <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Just tell me I'm not insane too!

 

[accountclosed3]

unless they are avid campers, this is weird.<br><br>
i have friends (one is 73 and the other 56) who are avid campers. they hike/camp all summer long, sometimes even without a tent. they rough it pretty hard core even for my tastes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> it wouldn't be an issue at all for them, seriously.<br><br>
but if you are talking about people like my parents, or my ILs--who are generally healthy people, but do not camp in any regular basis, and certainly not in tents--then, yeah, this is ridiculous.<br><br>
my angle? the neighbor's dog barks at tents. seriously. just say that they won't sleep if they are in a tent, because the neighbor's dog will just carry on all night long. then, they might rethink it.<br><br>
and my ILs can be a nightmare. today is DH's birthday. his parents didn't call him because it would have cost them $10 to do so, and it only costs us $2 per 1 hr. but it was his birthday, so he assumed they would call. then he gets a nasty email "we wanted to wish you happy birthday, but you didn't call!" and then shamed him about it. seriously, they are messed up (and whiel they are retired, they have plenty of money).

 

[ChristyMarie]

This is Weird. Yes, capital W weird. I have always been afraid of my inlaws trying this with their Nasty (capital N) RV.<br><br>
I would tell them that you checked and it is against your town code and you could get a fine so, oh so sorry, but here are some great hotels near you.

 

[HappyMommy2]

I would mention the dog that barks at anything in your backyard, and then I would just let it go.<br><br>
You never REALLY know about money issues with people.<br><br>
So what if they sleep in a tent? So what if they come in your house and pee at night?<br><br>
Do you think that these people are annoying about a bunch of other things, and this is a tipping point for you? This isn't THAT bad or weird. Let them sleep in a tent if they want to, and just chock it up to in-laws who are different than you.<br><br>
Also - I would start telling everyone at work that you want to trade hours in order to be working lots and lots that week!!!!

 

[leafwood]

very odd. what if it rains? pours? are you supposed to watch them march off into a flooding tent? i think it sounds like it may be a situation waiting to go wrong. i think your dh should address some of these concerns with them (speaking from experience in dealing with IL issues...when things come from me it just creates drama despite my best efforts to be nice and polite!).

 

[cycle]

You really never know about people's money situation. Maybe they are having money issues and can't afford to stay at a hotel, you can't assume to know they can afford to stay at a hotel. I don't think its that weird if they are campers. Maybe it is a money issue, maybe they just want to be at your house but know that you don't have a lot of sleeping room. IMO your BIL should be offering to give up the air mattress to his parents and he should be sleeping in the tent given he is a lot younger than them. Really, he would make his parents sleep on the floor because he already "claimed" the air mattress? Unless there are other issues that you aren't mentioning I would just let your neighbor with the barky dog know that you will be having guests camping out for a week with a dog, maybe they will try to be a little accommodating with their dog.

 

[Marsupialmom]

I agree you never know what people's financial situation is like.<br><br>
Also, hotel sleeping can be no better for a bad back.

 

[Purple*Lotus]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cycle</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15436342"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You really never know about people's money situation. Maybe they are having money issues and can't afford to stay at a hotel, you can't assume to know they can afford to stay at a hotel. I don't think its that weird if they are campers. Maybe it is a money issue, maybe they just want to be at your house but know that you don't have a lot of sleeping room. IMO your BIL should be offering to give up the air mattress to his parents and he should be sleeping in the tent given he is a lot younger than them. Really, he would make his parents sleep on the floor because he already "claimed" the air mattress? Unless there are other issues that you aren't mentioning I would just let your neighbor with the barky dog know that you will be having guests camping out for a week with a dog, maybe they will try to be a little accommodating with their dog.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I agree with this. BIL should give up the air mattress to his parents.

 

[Essie]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cycle</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15436342"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You really never know about people's money situation. Maybe they are having money issues and can't afford to stay at a hotel, you can't assume to know they can afford to stay at a hotel. I don't think its that weird if they are campers. Maybe it is a money issue, maybe they just want to be at your house but know that you don't have a lot of sleeping room. IMO your BIL should be offering to give up the air mattress to his parents and he should be sleeping in the tent given he is a lot younger than them. Really, he would make his parents sleep on the floor because he already "claimed" the air mattress? Unless there are other issues that you aren't mentioning I would just let your neighbor with the barky dog know that you will be having guests camping out for a week with a dog, maybe they will try to be a little accommodating with their dog.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Ok, I didn't explain this too well. First, the IL's said they were coming (couple of months ago), then the tent plan emerged about a month ago, then just several days ago younger brother accepted DH's invite to come along as well. When I asked DH where brother would sleep he said "dunno, I guess inside on the air mattress!}

 

[Essie]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>leafwood</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15436330"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">very odd. what if it rains? pours? are you supposed to watch them march off into a flooding tent? i think it sounds like it may be a situation waiting to go wrong. i think your dh should address some of these concerns with them (speaking from experience in dealing with IL issues...when things come from me it just creates drama despite my best efforts to be nice and polite!).</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Yeah, and that could TOTALLY happen cause we've had more rain than usual this year. You are right about the drama and talking about it. Here's the thing; in DH's eyes if I mention these things it's like I'm nagging or thinking of reasons to get annoyed. Just as you put it: if it comes from me to DH it will even cause friction. It's so dumb, b/c I forsee problems and I just don't want the added stress. As other posters said; yeah, let them sleep in the fricking tent. I really don't care if that's what they want, but I can see MIL complaining even after the fact that they chose it!<br><br>
It's almost as if DH is in denial that all this sh*t could go down b/c he's so excited that they are coming. They have rarely come just for the fact that MIL is phobic about flying so this is a driving trip. I also failed to mention that they will have their huge truck and they can sleep in that. Still, there's the dog and peeing issue!

 

[Essie]

Just wanted to thank you all for your input! I really haven't been able to talk/vent about this to anyone so I really appreciate it!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">

 

[Tigerchild]

Why is their dog gross? Does it eliminate indoors or something? If so, that might be why they aren't getting a hotel this time--they may not be able to find one that takes animals when they're constantly having to clean rooms that have been messed in and/or your ILs can no longer afford the extra cleaning charge that they get hit with every time. Or they might have gotten in trouble last time because their dog barked and disturbed other people, ect.<br><br>
I hate my MIL's dog too. He pees in the house and she doesn't notice. I've asked her to keep him leashed so that he doesn't go and hide and pee somewhere, and he still manages to get away sometimes because she thought he was doing "so good" (though at least this does not happen as much anymore, I guess she felt bad saying that as I'm cleaning up dog pee). He snaps at my children, not because he's mean but because he's now blind and getting to be deaf and startles at sudden movement (and my kids are 6,6, and 8, they're not sedate). I feel bad hating an animal, but I really do. He's not even cute, because he can't be groomed without sedation because he is so neurotic (though I can hardly blame him, as he's old and blind and almost deaf!). There is no way that she could take that guy to a hotel. She wouldn't notice him pee, but he would, and she would get that cleaning fee slapped on her CC later.<br><br>
I agree though that honestly, you really have no idea what their finances are like, of that "money isn't a problem". Is there any way you guys could offer to go halfsies on the initial cost of a double hotel room? If you did that BIL could stay with them. ;>

 

[Essie]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tigerchild</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15436905"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Why is their dog gross? Does it eliminate indoors or something? If so, that might be why they aren't getting a hotel this time--they may not be able to find one that takes animals when they're constantly having to clean rooms that have been messed in and/or your ILs can no longer afford the extra cleaning charge that they get hit with every time. Or they might have gotten in trouble last time because their dog barked and disturbed other people, ect.<br><br>
I hate my MIL's dog too. He pees in the house and she doesn't notice. I've asked her to keep him leashed so that he doesn't go and hide and pee somewhere, and he still manages to get away sometimes because she thought he was doing "so good" (though at least this does not happen as much anymore, I guess she felt bad saying that as I'm cleaning up dog pee). He snaps at my children, not because he's mean but because he's now blind and getting to be deaf and startles at sudden movement (and my kids are 6,6, and 8, they're not sedate). I feel bad hating an animal, but I really do. He's not even cute, because he can't be groomed without sedation because he is so neurotic (though I can hardly blame him, as he's old and blind and almost deaf!). There is no way that she could take that guy to a hotel. She wouldn't notice him pee, but he would, and she would get that cleaning fee slapped on her CC later.<br><br>
I agree though that honestly, you really have no idea what their finances are like, of that "money isn't a problem". Is there any way you guys could offer to go halfsies on the initial cost of a double hotel room? If you did that BIL could stay with them. ;></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
The dog is gross b/c I think he's gross. I have never liked it or thought it was cute. I like dogs, but not all of them! I especially hate small yippy dogs and he's one of them. There are small dogs that aren't yippy but he is. He's like 16 years old and it's like ---come on! ugh. I think I may have overheard DH talking to MIL and he did say oh what? ______ is deaf? so now that you've mentioned the deafness and your MIL's dog I'm really starting to worry. The other thing is the dog will hold us back from doing stuff. They are not really active people anyway (which I can't stand) but I'm sure there will be all this babying around the dog where MIL is concerned. Aaaaach!<br><br>
So, in the past they have had no issue with finding a pet friendly hotel around here, and no---I guess I can't say I know for sure about their $ but I do know what they buy, etc. and how much they make. Maybe the dog does poop/pee more uncontrollably now and I don't know. If that is the case, I will be livid if it happens in our house.

 

[MusicianDad]

Honestly it sounds like you just don't want them sleeping the yard and have found a reason for it to be a bad idea regardless of whether it is or not. Sleeping in a tent in the yard isn't so odd. It sounds more like they are wanting to be nearer the family this time around but don't want to have to put you in the position of having to fit three people in your home.<br>
As for rain... People go camping in the rain all the time. Heck around here, plenty of people say it's not camping until it rains.

 

[mmhinton]

I definitely understand about the dog - I love dogs too, but like you said, not all of them (and not yippy dogs who may be peeing in MY house). With that said, sounds like MIL has alot of, um, issues even with out the dog (is she bringing the dog as a comfort to her? ... like a kid with a security blankie or whatever?)<br>
Either way, was the whole staying in a tent thing kind of her / their passive or manipulative way to try to get you to offer to let them stay in your house? As in "well, we *could* just stay in your backyard in a tent...." pause ... unsaid "unless you'd like us to stay in your house".<br>
Are there any activities or hobbies that your ILs like to do when they are at home? Is there any way to incorporate that into their stay with you? (e.g., they like antiques so you take them antiquing...).<br>
FWIW - my ILs each live states away from us. I love my MIL and would love to see her more often. BUT, my FIL (they are not together) drives me CRAZY and I am (sadly) not at all unhappy that we don't see more of him. He rarely visits, but when he does, it always gets me all stressed out (about his visit, then I get stressed about *everything*!). So, if you have issues (dislikes, whatever <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> with your ILs, I'm guessing that ANYTHING is going to cause you stress and that even if they did stay in a hotel, there would be other things to cause you stress regarding their visit!<br>
Good luck though!!!

 

[Essie]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mmhinton</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15437418"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I definitely understand about the dog - I love dogs too, but like you said, not all of them (and not yippy dogs who may be peeing in MY house). With that said, sounds like MIL has alot of, um, issues even with out the dog (is she bringing the dog as a comfort to her? ... like a kid with a security blankie or whatever?)<br>
Either way, was the whole staying in a tent thing kind of her / their passive or manipulative way to try to get you to offer to let them stay in your house? As in "well, we *could* just stay in your backyard in a tent...." pause ... unsaid "unless you'd like us to stay in your house".<br>
Are there any activities or hobbies that your ILs like to do when they are at home? Is there any way to incorporate that into their stay with you? (e.g., they like antiques so you take them antiquing...).<br>
FWIW - my ILs each live states away from us. I love my MIL and would love to see her more often. BUT, my FIL (they are not together) drives me CRAZY and I am (sadly) not at all unhappy that we don't see more of him. He rarely visits, but when he does, it always gets me all stressed out (about his visit, then I get stressed about *everything*!). So, if you have issues (dislikes, whatever <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> with your ILs, I'm guessing that ANYTHING is going to cause you stress and that even if they did stay in a hotel, there would be other things to cause you stress regarding their visit!<br>
Good luck though!!!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Thank you for your understanding! yes, I guess the dog is a comfort to MIL. And yes, she does have many, ahem issues! When they've stayed before and were in a hotel it was pretty ok, and yes there were still stresses for me. The thing you mention about them mentioning the tent as a way to get us to offer the house is one I've thought about. I'm really not sure b.c all of these phone conversations about it are through DH and his mom. I think way back to when this all started and I am sure that I overheard dh offer them staying inside.<br><br>
Thanks for offering the idea about hobbies, but I swear; the step FIL only likes sporting events (baseball, which we are planning), eating and watching tv. In fact, that's ALL he does when we visit them is watches tv! I didn't grow up with parents like that at all, and this in my opinion is gross. They aren't interested in going to museums or anything like that. They are not active. I am not kidding; the last time they were here we didn't do anything in the way of seeing sights, down town or anything b.c they just weren't interested! My MIL is much the same as FIL and has no hobbies and is not into taking hikes or anything. Besides, the dog is going to dictate what she does!<br><br>
I am seriously thinking of begging to work more that week!<br><br>
Again, I appreciate your advice! Thanks for sharing stories! I feel guilty sometimes, but these people are so different from me and the way I was raised.

 

[Caneel]

Like someone else said, unless they are regular tent campers, the tent in the backyard idea seems odd.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mmhinton</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15437418"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Either way, was the whole staying in a tent thing kind of her / their passive or manipulative way to try to get you to offer to let them stay in your house? As in "well, we *could* just stay in your backyard in a tent...." pause ... unsaid "unless you'd like us to stay in your house".</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Interesting point. I could see this happening with a few people I know......<br><br>
Sometimes it is hard to related to ILs when you have nothing in common. It is difficult for me and it just takes so much energy. Add to that the fact that DH really has no interest it putting any effort into the relationship (90% of the planning, talking, etc falls to me) and the thought of a visit just sucks the life right out of me. Thankfully, visits happen only every few years.

 

[Evergreen]

It sounds exactly like they're going to end up in your house the whole time anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I wish I had some advice. I can think of a few alternatives but there are negatives to every situation. You could offer the living room floor, but insist the dog stays outside. You could offer to help pay for a hotel...if you have the money. You could suck it up and let them take over until they leave, this would be the hardest for me to do.

 

[sapphire_chan]

If you have the money for a hotel, YOU go there.

 

[Multimomma]

Omg, it's so cute how excited your husband is. Can you just drop everything else and be excited for him? Be excited that you have a chance to build a relationship in a way that can't happen if they are staying in a hotel. Get past your ideas of "Gross" (which is pretty vague) and try to accept them for who they are.<br><br>
I've read so many posts here from DILs who dislike their inlaws, don't try to know them better and then complain that the inlaws won't build a relationship with their grandchildren. I've already read three posts today about invisible grandparents. Building a relationship now will save you this pain in the future.<br><br>
I guess I'm saying accept them for who they are. They aren't you...they are themselves with all the weaknesses and foibles that every human has. They probably have some great qualities if you could let them show you. Be accepting of how things go could go wrong, but how they could go so right.