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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
you know,<br><br>
I used to think that if a woman was jealous it was her own deal. You know - get over it. You wouldn't be with someone you didn't trust would you.<br><br>
But now I'm in that situation. And it's not my fault. If my husband wanted to tell me he was in contact with old girlfriends I would be fine. But he hides it. He hides it.<br><br>
So now I'm really off my rocker and I'm off to spy on him. I get to cry my heart out and take a hot shower to warm my insides up.<br><br>
He promised. Damn it. He promised.
 

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i'm sorry.
 

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You need to talk to him about this, Mama. In a gentle way so that you can both listen to one another <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I think that we don't give jealousy enough credence. Sometimes it shows us that we are missing something inside of ourselves -- confidence, stability, or an unfulfilled need. Other times, it can be our instincts alerting us to something we should keep our eyes on.<br><br>
I really think that you should bring this up to your DH and tell him how you feel. Sometimes coming at it with a sense of humour is helpful -- "you wouldn't trade me in, now would you?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:
 

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I'd be mad as heck, too! Keep us updated.
 

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Is there a reason he feels he can't tell you maybe? Not that it would be a good excuse to hide things, but if he thinks you're going to freak out...<br><br>
I'm sorry you are upset. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I totally agree you should talk to him. Is this something you have dealt with before as a couple? Did you have some groundrules already in place? (For some couples ex's are a no go, and for others it's just fine to stay in touch, etc.) Gotta air these things out and come to a good place together.
 

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there's a difference between jealousy and suspicion. Hiding things is a very real reason to become suspicious. I wouldn't confront him til I'd been spying for a little while. I'd want some good proof before I confronted him so he couldn't play the "you're just being silly and jealous" card.
 

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Jealous in a person who is generally and largely not one is a BIG WARNING SIGN. It isn't something to be ashamed of - it is something to pay attention to. It is your mind giving you a big push that things are NOT right and you need to do something to change that for yourself.<br><br>
I'm not a jealous person. Pretty much the opposite actually.<br><br>
Everytime that I have had the jealous feeling it was for a good (bad?) reason.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LoveChild421</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9919662"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">there's a difference between jealousy and suspicion.</div>
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Hmm -- good point!
 

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i don't think that this is jealousy about that woman; rather i think it's about how your husband is behaving. it's not about "not communicating <i>with her</i>" it's about <i>not communicating</i> with you!<br><br>
the person doing wrong here--i assume--is not her or you, but <i>him</i>. what is he hiding? why is he breaking trust/faith with you? what is really going on?<br><br>
these would be my concerns. jealousy is different because it is about her. if she is demanding his time (and he's giving it), then jealousy is the right way to go and it is about her.<br><br>
but i dont' think this is jealousy. i think it's anger/disappointment with DH. confront him on his sneaking--ask him why he feels the need to do it, etc.<br><br>
because this is about his behavior--not hers--you know?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
X's are fine. I'm in touch with mine. I encourage it actually. Everyone in your life makes you who you are.<br><br>
A month ago he got in touch with an ex and said something along the lines that if things had turned out differently they would have been together.<br><br>
This time he just led on this poor ex girlfriend who is in the midst of a divorce - not saying anything, just toeing the line. Hiding her emails - reminiscing about being intimate together...ick.<br><br>
He's sad. He's depressed. But he says he doesn't want to break up. He wants to be with me. He realizes NOW that it wasn't right - but he didn't then.<br><br>
He isn't cheating on me. Just killing me on the inside.
 

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