[tracyamber]

My ds son is 3 and we are still co-sleeping. Sometimes I feel worried we have been doing it for too long like will it affect him as an adult if he's all"yeah, I slept in my parents bed till I was 10" I dunno..
What is the longest anyone has co-slept with their children? And what are positives to doing it beyond toddler- hood?

 

[katelove]

My oldest DD is only four so I don't have a healthy, well-adjusted adult to show you I do feel that it is great to allow children to co-sleep until they are ready to make the transition if it is possible for the family. I also think that it will have positive affects on them as they grow up. It is part of nurturing your attachment and meeting their needs for closeness and security. You don't have to co-sleep to have a strong attachment of course, I just mean that I don't think it is harmful if they still want it.

 

[stormborn]

My oldest was 7 or 8 when she started sleeping in her own room all the time, the 5 yo is still in my bed. I started sleeping with my Mom after my Dad died, at 8 yo, because I had bad dreams...as far as I know I grew up to be pretty normal.

Humans really aren't hardwired to sleep alone, it's a new cultural practice in human history.

 

[sierramtngirl]

My brother co slept with my parents until he was about 5. He's a very well adjusted PhD in ecology/wildlife bio & teaches/researches at a leading East coast university. He also has a great sense of humor, is a runner & has his own microbrewery operation is his garage. Point is, he's a very smart, well adjusted grown up with diverse interests & hobbies. Not married yet, at 30, but I chalk that up to his career. (Vs co sleeping!). He has a great girlfriend who is in her 4th yr of vet school

 

[tracyamber]

Cool, i feel it's the right thing to do, we love it but when surrounded by so many "go with the norm people" I think I start to self doubt. It's good to keep ties here on mothering with like minded folks.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I remember climbing into bed with my parents at 5. I had to sneak in once they were sleep but absolutely loved it.

 

[Asiago]

As a poster above wrote, we aren't really hard wired to sleep alone. It's true, after reading anthropological studies, there is nothing normal about humans sleeping alone. Children typically sleep with an adult for comfort and protection. Even if we no longer need the protection, it is instinct to seek it.

 

[mumm]

I have a 13 year old who still sleeps in my room. Not my bed, but my room. We've inconsistently tried to wean him to his own room through out those 13 years. His 3 younger siblings all moved to their own beds and rooms but he remains. He is starting to make noises about wanting to be able to sleep alone and I think by the end of summer he'll more consistently be in his own room.

 

[Neonprincess]

Humans really aren't hardwired to sleep alone, it's a new cultural practice in human history.[/QUOTE]

AMEN!

New doesnt always mean better. I think so much knowledge of and connection to the earth and its Creator has been lost with our "modern" practices.

 

[Mylie]

My son co-slept till 5 and my girl is still going strong at almost 7.... I am not worried and know she will move on when she is ready...

 

[OhBaby]

I've been wondering the same thing. My daughter is 5 & about to start kindergarten. Around 2-3 years old, she had no problem going to sleep in her own room & sleeping through the night. Then at 4, she started having difficulty staying and sleeping in her own bed- she would blame bad dreams or scary noises. Now we are expecting baby #2 and she is getting ready to start school, and I feel like she needs to be able to sleep in her own bed so she can be rested for school. However, she is fighting and crying at bedtime most nights, saying she is scared & doesn't want to sleep alone. Dh and I realize it may be the stresses of these 2 big changes coming (baby + school) and don't want bedtime to be traumatic or scary or sad for her, but we don't know what else to try to get her to sleep on her own willingly, if that is even possible?? Any advice is welcomed...

 

[EnviroBecca]

My son co-slept for at least part of the night until he was 7. I had to ease him out of it very gently by having the family bed in his room (that is, he slept in OUR bed only on rare occasions) and gradually spending more of my time in the master bedroom. The final end of having me lie down with him at bedtime came when he was 8 1/2 and his dad built him a loft bed. Now I read his story downstairs on the couch and then stand next to the loft and hold his foot while we say our prayer. Here are more details on our co-sleeping saga if you're interested:
http://articles.earthlingshandbook.org/2011/09/28/baby-sleep-tips/

He is a clingy kind of kid who was almost totally unwilling to be alone when awake until he was 4 and has been gradually outgrowing it since. My daughter so far (3 months old!) seems far more comfortable alone, so I expect co-sleeping with her will not last much past weaning, but we'll see....

 

[tracyamber]

Thank you for sharing that. I suspect my ds is a bit clingy as well. We are moving into our house and now his bedroom will be on the second floor. I suspect he'll want to sleep with us a bit longer

 

[OklaFarmMama]

My DD is only 10mo...but my parents let my brothers and I sleep in their bed/room. Im not sure at what age they put me in my own room, probably 3 or 4. My mom would often stay by my bed until I fell asleep. But she says I would wake up and ether go into their room, or my brothers. I can remember being 10 or 11 and still going into my brothers room if it was storming, just in case the power went off.
If any of us got sick, or had bad dreams off we would go to our parents. It was good to know we could go to them. Sometimes they would take us back to our own bed. But most of the time we stayed. My dad still talks about waking up for work to find 2 or 3 of us in bed, and the rest on the floor. (They had the 5 of us with in 8 years)

I think that is the important part, knowing they can come back to you as often as they need, no matter where they sleep.

 

[mrsbonjangles]

I tried to get my oldest to sleep in his own bed since he was about 5, when my hubby is home (which is only a handful of times a month) he is generally good at sleeping in his own bed but still creeps in with us in the middle of the night. I have pretty much given up this summer though (he is now 7) and sleeps with me and his brother every night. I don't believe for one second it will affect him as an adult; he is not needy, he is easily left alone when being dropped off for extra curricular activities, etc. I'm sure once he is ready, he will start sleeping in his own bed. I mean from a child's perspective, I bet it is a little scary for them to sleep alone, especially in my case when myself, his younger brother, and sometimes his step-dad are all in one bed, and he's alone in his. If anything I think it creates a stronger bond, a closer relationship and builds trust in relationship.

Growing up, my dad was gone a lot to, and when he was away, my younger brother slept with my mom until he was at least 10 years old and he is also a well-adjusted adult.

You know your children and self better than anyone, if it's working well, no sense trying to change that.

 

[annjo]

We have 2 girls, 9 & 6 years old. We still co sleep. Every once in a while, I forget that other people don't do this and think it's very strange! It still feels very natural to us. We spend a lot of time talking about the day before bedtime and reading together. We have done this from the start, never had a crib. The girls do just fine with overnights away, but I think we all enjoy the time together. Another reason that they likely haven't gravitated to their own rooms yet is because their rooms are on a different floor. My husband's niece and nephew were also long term co sleepers, and are now wonderfully well adjusted and thriving in college. My advice: Do what feels right, but make sure that both you and your husband are on the same page.

 

[JordanKX]

I am single, so that's probably a bit different (no competition in the bed!). But my ex was all about co-sleeping so from DS's birth, my son never had his own room, and certainly I kept that up once we divorced. I slept with my single-mom until I was 10, but I had a bed in my room. I think about that now because my son does Not have a bed in his "play room" and this summer there have been some social moments where kids are over and asking where his bed is... "I sleep with my mommy" is still an OK answer, but I wonder if that will change... even if he still chooses to sleep with me, he might want a bed in his room so it Looks like he sleeps alone (I remember feeling that when I was young... and it gave me a place when I had sleep-overs).
My movement to my own bed at 10yo was very natural... I think one day I just wanted the space to myself. I crawled in her bed for a few more years in the morning or on nights with bad dreams.

My focus is on his Going to Sleep triggers - I do not go to bed with him. That is his time to be alone and if he's scared, he calls for me, just like an alone-sleeper would be. So really the co-sleeping just eases any night wakings, and certainly snuggle time in the morning.

 

[stormborn]

My neighbor just mentioned today that her 12 yo still sleeps with her; I've known him since he was 3 and never knew it. He's one of the most well adjusted kids I know.

 

[tracyamber]

Thanks for sharing these stories. I feel a bit better especially with number 2 coming in January. My mother called yesterday and said" don't kick your toddler out of the bed when the baby comes. Do it before" I was like " we are not kicking him out at all" she just laughed an annoying laugh as to say we are wrong for co-sleeping* sigh*


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[mommy68]

My ds son is 3 and we are still co-sleeping. Sometimes I feel worried we have been doing it for too long like will it affect him as an adult if he's all"yeah, I slept in my parents bed till I was 10" I dunno..
What is the longest anyone has co-slept with their children? And what are positives to doing it beyond toddler- hood?

My son is 19 now and he co-slept until he was 6.5 years old and I was pregnant with #2 at the time and he just naturally went on to his own bed before she was born. He is a completely normal 19 yr old

My middle child is 12 now and she co-slept until she was 7 and also stopped right before #3 was born just like her brother did. Another normal child.

My youngest is about to turn 5 and still co-sleeping and I will encourage it for as long as she wants.

I have also home-schooled over the years, breastfed, child weaned, my 12 yr old slept on the couch for a whole year when she was afraid to sleep in her room, my son slept with his t.v. on with a movie in every night for almost a year when he was younger, etc. There have been many SLEEP scenarios in my home over the last (soon to be) 20 years. Kids are normal.

 

[adoremylovie1]

I'm a SM with a 3yo that still co-sleeps. Maybe I'm horribly selfish but I love having that time with him. One day it won't be "cool" to cuddle with mommy, so I plan on keeping this up for as long as I can. :grin: