[alegna]

Figured we needed a new thread. Let it be known- this is the tribes area- arguing, telling us you don't agree, etc are NOT welcome and will not be tolerated.

That said, welcome to all mamas who DO judge and are not ashamed. We state that there are things that are NOT okay and we're not scared to say so! So welcome to all judgemental mamas!

-Angela

 

[embers]

AH! Far less pages.... very nice!

I find that I have to FORCE myself to practice a half hearted attempt at patience and acceptance, otherwise my internal monologue becomes deafening! I have become so upset that I was in tears of rage and sorrow, and arguing with my husband about exactly WHY can't I just take THEIR child and go home?!

So much of my parenting just seems intuative. It is what comes naturally to me... and then, I also read like mad and provide myself content from a variety of sources. I read things that contradict - I scour to the far edges of crunchdom and conservativishness... all to provide for myself a full spectrum of understanding and tools, and therefore also be the ABSOLUTLY BEST MOTHER I POSSIBLY CAN. The other result ("side effect") is that I know too much to just know better... at times I feel that I know best. I can knit pick tiny details of any parent, and that is where the practiced patience and acceptance comes into play. But.... wow. When I see (or read) about the blatent neglect, abuse, or just STUPID PARENT DAMAGING THEIR CHILD - I can get upset because I am flowing with emotion for the child and oozing with the words I have read and the gatherings I have attended, etc all in effort to never be that type of mom.

.... When these people are in a professional field, it is all the worse. Doctors, nurses, teachers, sports leaders, etc....

:

Oh hi, by the way! I am really nice most of the time. Seriously!

 

[AntoninBeGonin]

I totally agree! Sometimes people are just wrong. Heck, sometimes I'm just wrong!

~Nay

 

[alegna]

From the last thread- sadkitty I just have to say I LOVE you!

:

-Angela

 

[alegna]

Quote:

Originally Posted by embers I can get upset because I am flowing with emotion for the child and oozing with the words I have read and the gatherings I have attended, etc all in effort to never be that type of mom.

This is a great description. This is it exactly. I judge because I CARE. Damnit sometimes I wish I didn't. But I do.

-Angela

 

[embers]

I am blessed/cursed with a gross amount of empathy - which makes me HURT for the children, and have fear when the parents feel so selfish or just empty.

 

[CryPixie83]

I'm here...

 

[newcastlemama]

Hello ladies!

I like to think of myself as thoughful/discerning/critical thinker (which are the positive words for judgemental.) I too use intuition and information from all over the map to make decisions. I also have the blessing and curse empathy thing going on.

I really don't like wishy-washyness or the attitude that all decisions are equal. The hardest thing for me is when people seem apathetic and uninvolved in life's many choices (especially when it comes to the well being of one's family!). I am not sure how people ever get throgh life without ever really examining one's decisions! I think when they are challenged about why they are making their passive choices it somes across as being judged....

Hope it makes sense

Jennifer

 

[Robin926]

Subbing to the new thread.

I'm a judgmental mama. I believe that some things are just plain WRONG, like circ or CIO or spanking or formula because BFing is "inconvenient" -- and that's coming from a mama who had to supplement and openly admits that formula is inferior, even though it fed my child when I couldn't make enough milk for him. Some choices have to be made in less than ideal circumstances, such as supplementation due to low supply, BFAR, etc. But I don't want to have to accept that it's "parent's choice" or "better for OUR family" when people do things that are downright abusive or dangerous, like circ.

Looking forward to a less... intruded upon thread

 

[sadkitty]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna From the last thread- sadkitty I just have to say I LOVE you! : -Angela

Aww shucks!

.

I was super tired when I wrote that. I only mention that because of the atrocious spelling and grammer.

 

[alegna]

I gotta say, I love any mama who can step up to the plate and call it like it is.

Robin926- and THAT is what formula is for (though wouldn't it be cool if it were easier to get donor milk? or a wetnurse?) I get SOOO sick of the- "well it didn't work for us" or "this is what's right for our family" No, it's what you think is right for you because you are so selfish that you don't care what the he!! you're doing to your kid....

:

-Angela

 

[alegna]

Oh and sadkitty- I can relate on the veg. issues. I was always very close to my grandmother who was veggie FAR before it was the norm.... so I really get veggie issues, I struggle with myself though because it ISN'T how humans evolved. I do think that as a culture we eat FAR too many animal products. They should be the extra, the condiment, not the main course, when they are used.

-Angela

 

[Robin926]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna No, it's what you think is right for you because you are so selfish that you don't care what the he!! you're doing to your kid....

See, that's what gets me. People try to tell you "Oh, everyone wants what's best for their kids, they're doing their best." That's just not always true! I know people who honestly are just trying to get through the parenting thing with as little effort as possible -- and admit it! They KNOW their choices are inferior but they aren't willing to make even the smallest sacrifice of their own time, effort, or whatever to do the best.

A lot of peope seem to think that having a baby should never change your life or inconvenience the parent in any way ever. Some parents honestly truly have only their own comfort in mind, and I know some of them. It breaks my heart for their children

 

[Robin926]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna though wouldn't it be cool if it were easier to get donor milk? or a wetnurse?

I would've given my right arm to get donor milk! Okay... well maybe not that, but you know what I mean. I wished so hard that I knew ANYONE who was breastfeeding so I could pay them for just a little milk, maybe enough for a bottle a day. Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who was breastfeeding when DS was an infant (or more than a handful who ever BF at all)

:

Next time around, if I have problems again (which is quite possible), I'm going to track down every nursing mom I can while I'm pg

 

[alegna]

Don't know if you're anywhere near me, but I'd be willing to try to pump for a mama that needed it.

I almost offered for my sil for her preemie twins, but she couldn't be bothered to try to get them on the breast (she tried for one week. yep. one week) and needless to say pumping 4 times a day doesn't cut it for long.

-Angela

 

[ndunn]

Ooooo good thread.

I use the term "care" instead of "judgement" when I talk about myself because, like the pp said, that is my problem! I care so much....I can't help it when I see little babies not getting the best that they deserve. Lots of people say its none of my business, and yes, perhaps thats true, but if there is a mom who I KNOw is doing what she is doing simply because she doesn't know any better, whats so wrong about educating her or offering some of your knowlege to help?

Anyway, hey ladies.

 

[SleepyMamaBear]

totally joining!!!!!!

i havent read the old thread. dont think i will. just wanted to say i too am enraged when i see parents making terrible neglectful and downright hurtful and abussive decisions for their children, out of ignorance, stupidity, lazyness. etc.

and i have a big enough mouth to call people on it.
i am the type of person who when hearing a baby cry in the store i tell DD loudly "oh that poor baby, that baby needs a booby! i hope that baby gets some milkies" etc.

i am going to be a BFAR mom. i was BFAR with ym DD for two months before she decided she liked the bottle over the breast because the breast didnt make anything, and the bottle flowed... i HATE not having known there were at the breast supplimenters and knowing that the three "LC"s that i saw didnt even bther to mention them to me.
i want to get as much donor milk as possible and use an SNS (in public too!!) to suppliment my almost non existent supply.

hi, my name is Tiffany, and i judge.

 

[sadkitty]

And, just so we don't bring ourselves down to much...

I think judging can be GOOD too. After all, who doesn't like to "use their good judgement?"

I think its great when i see daddy's slinging babies, especially when they are toddler-babies. I judge them to be doing a good thing for their babes!

Tiff- i would totally pump for you if i couold ever figure out why the skin peels off my nipples. Oh, prolly don't want wine in the milk either

.

yup, i drink (a little red wine, sometimes a beer) while nursing! Judge me, I can take it!

 

[AntoninBeGonin]

You're all inside my head, aren't you? LOL

I'm one of those people who doesn't think all choices are equal and should be given equal respect. Some things are just plain wrong! Removing part of your newborn's healthy body is JUST PLAIN WRONG. Hitting another person, especially a small child can't physically defend himself or even offer a decent argument is JUST PLAIN WRONG. Not even attempting to breastfeed (except in true medical cases) is JUST PLAIN WRONG. **sigh**

~Nay

 

[alegna]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sadkitty A I think its great when i see daddy's slinging babies, especially when they are toddler-babies. I judge them to be doing a good thing for their babes!

Saw one today! I was THRILLED. It was a carrier I wasn't familiar with- hip something- (dh saw the label, I didn't) and he scooped up a BIG toddler (probably 3, maybe 4) and just plopped her in without a single thought.

-Angela