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Can I just share that my brain feels like mush as I struggle to come up with the best custody schedule for my boys?? I sware I'm going to have nightmares with calendars chasing after me. This is so hard. In some ways I just want someone else to decide for me...knowing it's in my hands at this stage is a huge responsibility- I want to make the right choices for my boys. When am I being sensible and when should I compromise? I am constantly questioning my intentions.

I'm not really expecting much of a response, just venting! Sending love to all you mama's going through similar difficulties.
 

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I've not had to deal with this, it's all me 24/7/365.

The only thing I can suggest is to check with your conscience as you make these proposals. If the father is good other than being compatible with you, what do you think is fair and best for the children? Just remember it is about them.

Best wishes as you navigate this.
 

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how far does ex live?

what are your work schedules?

who 'wants' to be a parent, who 'has to' do it. this is an important question. my ex is ar good dad but a horrible ex. yet he can only handle parenting a little bit at a time. since we live 10 mins away we do everyday exchanges. dd is in 2nd grade so one drops her to school and the other picks her up and i have her over the weekends. helps ex be the best parent he can. because he is so structured dd can also handle him only so much. yet he IS equally important in her life and she misses him terribly if she doesnt see him in 4 days.

who will do the sick duty?

who has a more flexible schedule at work?

who has the support that gparents or friends can step in and help?

who would be on the emergency list apart from parents?

who drives and who takes public transportation?

how far do you work/live from dc/ps?

how important are the holidays for you? for instance i suck at xmas. so permanently ex has dd for xmas. i get her in the afternoon or evening. i am better at easter so i get her for easter.

so far these are the questions i can think of.

i feel lucky that we havent done the courts yet - even though now we could as we have a schedule set in stone. but it took us 2 years to figure out and work it out as dd grew and her needs and our needs changed.
 

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I'm not sure of your situation or how well you get along or don't get along with your ex.

The 'perfect schedule' seems to me, to be a moving target. What I have found in 9 years of single parenting is that needs change over time and schedules need to be changed.

Of course, there are situations where a strict schedule needs to be set and honored to the tee. But, I can say that our ability to be flexible has been the best schedule for us and our children.
 
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