[Holland73]

Well, stbx is making appointments to meet with the mediators to discuss our inevitable divorce.

Why is it that even though I know I WOULD and COULD NEVER be with this man every again, my stomach still goes into knots just thinking about those appointments and signing those papers???

Why does it still make me sad?

I know it is all a part of the process, my therapist tells me this constantly during out session, but I am so tired of my life being just a BIG process!!!

 

[wemoon]

Can't you file a divorce without a big process? My X and his wife (they are actually still married after not being together for about 10 years!) started doing the big drawn out process with lawyers, but stopped cause money ran out. Now his wife has just had some simple papers drawn up that he just has to sign and it is like $100 or something.

But I spose that is only going to work if you two get along and can agree... there are resources for self-mediation though, but again, he would have to want to do it too.

 

[Holland73]

Sorry, I should have been a bit more specific. I mean the "emotional" process, not the actual divorce process.

Stbx and I do get along pretty well for the most part and we do agree on everything, believe it or not. That is the nice thing about divorcing someone who has no opinions, thoughts or brain of his own! Although, that could change, I never know with him sometimes. We will see.

As I live and married in the Netherlands to a Dutch man, we have to go through the Dutch court systems...if you can call it that. Plus, we have to deal with immigration also, as I am an American with a residence permit based on his sponsorship. Long story short...it will take awhile, even though we agree on everything.

 

[wemoon]

Ugh, sorry to hear that.

 

[brusselsprout]

I am so sorry

I know it sucks, but you really do need to go thru the process and let yourself grieve...it doesn't matter intellectually you know that this is for the best, your heart still feels it. My mom left my dad and she told me even though she was the one that left she still grieved for more than a year.

 

[L.J.]

I think that for most the papers are a finality....and that even though we've made the separation or decisions long ago....it's just that final farewell. The point where we must say goodbye to our hopes and dreams for the "perfect" family....the love we thought existed......the future we planned for, etc. I think it's very normal, no matter what the circumstances have been, to have the last little emotional ride as the papers are finally signed. Like you said, it's a process. The good news is that you're near the end!

 

[Holland73]

You know what is really difficult...here is a man that I was so incredibly close to...best friends, completely in love (for the first time), and when he did speak I knew exactly what he was going to say. Now, I look at him and he is a complete stranger. I don't know who this person is that is the father of my beautiful son...he is not the same man that I so badly wanted to have a child with, to share the ups and downs of parenthood with, etc.

Although things are amicable between the two of us and I will NEVER take him back into my heart or home, it is just sad!

 

[maemaesmama]

((((

)))) I read once that a wise man welcomes pain because from pain comes growth. I know I have mentioned it here before, but it always what comes to mind when I start feeling low. My therapist asked me over, and over "What is within your control?" I do not know that I can say it helped then, but it does help now. My ex, and I lived together for a while while waiting for our new homes to come together. Any transition is hard. I am so sorry you hurt. I can only hope you, and al who are deserving find love someday. ~Jess
Also KUDDOS for all the strength you have found within you to back out gracefully with your son

I made my divorce as simple as possible, and had to swallow my pride, and suck it up soooo many times! I just know it is better for my children this way. NOTHING was worth their suffering I know you KWIM!