I need to write a post about what I've been going through the past few weeks, and I would love to hear some feedback from you wise moms.
I have 2 bio children, and don't have fertility issues. We want a large family and just felt struck by, called to, led to, whatever you want to call it, adoption. We felt really strong about this, and felt very excited. We signed up with an adoption agency and were gathering our paperwork for our homestudy. Then we got pregnant (shock, surprise, wow!). I was excited, even though my heart was really mourning the loss of the opportunity to adopt. I can't really explain that emotion, but although I was excited to be pregnant (well, to be honest, I wasn't excited to be pregnant, because I am a really sick pregnant woman), but I had to be excited about the outcome, the baby, because that's all I could be. So, I figured we could always adopt in the future. Then I had a miscarriage. It was sad, but now that it's all over, I am more excited than ever about adoption. And I also feel guilty about that. I don't think I subconsciously caused the miscarriage, because I was truly happy to be having another baby, but I do feel guilty. I'm trying not to read too much into the fact that we had a miscarriage, but I have always felt that I have a spiritual connection with some spirit out there that is not my bio. child, and that child is going to be our next child.
I know this is not a post with a question at the end to reply to, but I just wanted to post. I am feeling very happy, sad, guilty, euphoric, and I'm hoping it's because my hormones are trying to get themselves balanced out after being pregnant.