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The return of "normal sex"

946 Views 23 Replies 20 Participants Last post by  Galatea
How long after you had your baby did it take for sex to be "normal" again? i.e. not painful or uncomfortable, interest and desire returned, etc...

Just wondering because while I would not consider DD's birth traumatic, she was vacuumed out rather quickly and I tore as a result. It took about 3 months before I didn't feel like I was going to split in half every time we had sex.
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sounds like a painful birth
ouch. for me, it took about 9 months pp before i felt ok physically; i had an episiotomy and tearing to heal from and it felt weird and painful for what seemed like forever. i really havent felt like initiating sex, or like i really wanted it, until just in the last months-dd is now 21 months.
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I had some minor tearing that required a few stitches. I think it took about 6 months before I didn't want to wince every time. During this phase certain positions were better than others b/c they put less pressure and there was less friction on the sensitive spots, so try a few to see which feel best.

As for wanting it like "normal", that still hasn't happened for me. Sometimes I'm really in the mood, it's just not as frequently as pre-baby.
with ds - it was at least 6 months before it felt "normal." i had an episiotomy with him. desire didn't return until AF did at about 18 months pp. which apparently was the way nature intended it, as i got pregnant with dd when he was 20 months old :LOL. with dd, we didn't even try until she was 12 weeks or so, and by then it didn't hurt at all. i did have an episiotomy or tearing with her at all. desire still hasn't come back though. sigh.
I was blessed to have no tearing either time. Sex was painful though unless we used some kind of lubricant. With lubricant things felt GREAT! Without thing were PAINFUL! I often think the dryness of postpartum hormonal shifts make for more roughness than any minor tissue trauma.

ETA add the info about when I was mentally into having sex again. With my first, it took about 2 months or so. With my second, it took two weeks. My sex drive has never been, cough, cough, lacking I should note.
As for me, it just started to get normal again. Dd is a little over 5 months. I had an episiotomy also, but that's not where it hurt. The pain was more inside and on the side. I guess it was some tissue damage that took time to heel. The mood is starting to come back also. I think that was the hardest part - I was in the mood all through pregnancy. I think that's how we got labor started! I'm just happy that my husband and I are finally back.

Kristen, mom to India 01/03/04
i thought of something i wanted to add-that sex is now SO. MUCH. BETTER. after having a baby! i'm much more sensitive now, and it's really really good. way better than before having a baby.
Erin, me too!!!! Even though I don't want sex as often, it is more enjoyable than ever. I guess all that trauma woke up some nerve endings I didn't even know I had! The only prob is that it can get over-sensitized sometimes, so dh has had to adjust. But overall it has been a real improvement.
My oh my! I'm not the only one!! I don't initiate the sex, but once it's over I keep telling my dh that sex is WAY better after dc#2. Words can't describe. Now, back to the question at hand....with ds I know it was at least 6 months until we were able to have sex. And it hurt. We used a lot of Astro-Glide. I think that's what it's called, not jelly, but more like a liquid. Worked great. I had a few stitches from tearing naturally w/ds, but now w/dd we were able to have sex w/minimal discomfort after 5 weeks. Because of nursing I'm still not real lubricated, but definitely bearable. However, the DRIVE isn't there to initiate sex. I think a lot of times the discomfort for me is that I'm sick of giving all day long. When both dc are in bed the last thing I want is some other person wanting/needing me physically.
Hey, we haven't "done it"
yet, but I'm wondering *which* positions are best? (especially LoveBugMama, because you mentioned it)
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For me, good old missionary was the best b/c it put the least amout of direct pressure on the perineum (although if my hips were raised too high, this position was also uncomfortable). "Doggy style" used to be our favorite, but this was the worst one for us after ds.

I think it will vary from person to person depending on where you are sensitive. Think about the angles and where the friction will be occuring.

Good luck ladies! I hope this wasn't TMI.
we are at the 6 month mark, and it still isn't perfect. I had a 3rd degree tear, and I swear I can feel the scar tissue when we are 'you know" It was horrible the first couple of times, now it is much better. I am curious how long till perfect?
6 months also seemed like the start of a transition back to my usual self sexually. I had a 2nd degree tear and it seemed to take forever to heal and then formed scar tissue, so there was a ridge in there that was very tender whenever we had sex. On top of the 'physical' side I just felt all touched out by the end of the day didn't have it in me. I still haven't initiated it since dd's birth, but I'm a willing participant these days, and I must say it does feel real good!
2 months pp we started having it like before....
9 mo postpartum here and still not really interested. DH and I have done it once, and it wasn't worth the trouble and stress of being distracted by wondering if DD would wake up. I'm happily celibate for the time being.
we couldnt even wait till my 6 week apt. at 5 weeks we fooled around...albeit a lil painful since i did tear at the birth. i am with oneotamama astro-glide! lube it up!!

the one thing that i had was a really painful pubic bone that lasted for a while..still hurts sometimes after almost 4 months son came so fast he hit his nose on my pubic bone his lil bitty nose was black and blue for a lil while.
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11 months PP here, sex still hurts. I had no tears, and a natural, trauma-free birth. Sex hurt before, too - so I doubt it has much to do with the birth and more to do with my previous issues.
I also think a huge amount of my frigidity has to do with fear of conception. I just had an IUD put in and am waiting for the month to be up (I have a retroverted uterus and doc said to wait 1 mn just in case it expells). With hope, I feel more passionate after that.
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at first the only way it felt good was "missionary" pos., with my bum propped up on a pillow
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We did not even attamped to have sex until I was 4 months pp and it was worth it. It did not hurt at all and was very romantic and beautiful. Little worse with the frequence of having sex.....:LOL


Originally Posted by Jordansmommy
It took about 3 months before I didn't feel like I was going to split in half every time we had sex.
WHY do you have sex then if it's so painful? I don't get it!
: Isn't sex suppose to be pleasent and comfortable? Isn't what it's all about?
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