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how is it that i've been deluding myself into thinking i want to be a single parent when it is possible that there is a 'right' partner for me?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
how pathetic. dare i dream of a different life someday? i feel stuck forever b/c of the little ones, but i'm utterly tired of him and his holier-than-thou attitude, the total inability to say 'i'm sorry, i was wrong, i'll do better'.<br><br>
i don't like his values, i don't fit in with his family. i want something else. how weird that i've convinced myself that partnerships must all suck for me just because this one does.<br><br>
*sigh* pity party in my house tonight.
 

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I think it's a common thing. It's easy to get jaded. Honestly, men haven't been a very impressive force in my life...most have been liars, cheaters, wastrals, etc.<br><br>
I was a single mama, and enjoying dating for the companionship. Then along came DH. He seemed to perfect for me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> and I almost thought he'd be good for my sister. But mostly I was afraid, what if there was someone who was so wonderful, who truly appreciated everything I did, who could give me his total attention and devotion? How hard is it to break down your barriers and belief systems? (and trust me, my feelings about men were so strong I was dreading during both my first two pregnancies that I might have a son...)<br><br>
Well, I was swept off my feet, and DH was too. Our lives will never be the same, and we're both really thrilled with what we have together. Right now he's out of town for a week, and out of touch as well (sailing on a charter trip), and it's kind of shocking how much I long for and miss him! I didn't even know him a year ago, and now I can't live without him. And my life is so complete. We don't know if this baby is a boy or girl, but I know that HE would make a wonderful father to a son, and I'd be thrilled with either. I feel so healed and fulfilled.<br><br>
BTW, during my divorce, I struggled a lot. Basically, my ex left me for another woman. I was angry, frustrated, feeling so hurt and foolish. And now I almost want to thank him for freeing me. Not to say you're in the same situation, but having the perspective of having been there and back, now I know the difference.<br><br>
I hope you find some internal peace, some faith back, in whatever form will help you the most <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I feel your pain, really.<br><br>
The man I dated after my ex cheated on me shortly after I miscarried our (unexpected) baby at about 9 weeks. He called me up crying and confessing and I forgave him... it really didn't bother me at all. I figured "people make mistakes and he loves me" blahblahblah.<br><br>
But then I thought... Is this really the best I can hope to expect? That the supposed love of my life cheats on me? I broke up with him not long after I had that revelation (there were other issues too).<br><br>
Now I'm with a man that I couldn't possibly rave enough about. He is everything I could ever ask for in a partner, in my wildest dreams. A few people have asked me "where did you find him" or "what planet is he from" but the way he is shouldn't be some rare occurance. We're talking basic things here, not superhuman attributes. There is no reason why any of us should expect less than we deserve, and we ALL deserve kindness and respect and courtesy etc...<br><br>
I have come to believe that if you don't settle for less, you wont end up with less... in terms of relationships, anyway.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
one thing i know is that you DO deserve better, you're NOT stuck and once you can move past this and through to the other side, life does seem much better.<br><br>
i never thought after my ex cheated i would see happier days but my life is sooo much better now than i would have ever imagined.<br><br>
it can be the same for you too.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
for the hugs and encouraging words.<br><br>
hard to imagine that someone would actually walk in the door and be truly glad to see ME.<br>
someone that actually finds me intelligent, beautiful, powerful, mostly cool. damn. not someone who is stuck and too unimaginative to help work on other possibilities.<br>
maybe just starting to dream a different dream is the first step. i'd be his buddy until the end of time. no doubt our time together has been one of me growing up , growing out, getting wise and doing a lot of self-help. but the idea of a passionate relationship with someone who likes what i have become is less and less deniable all the time.<br>
sigh.
 

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Wow. I'm here. It is so nice to read about fulfilling relationships. Thanks for sharing, and OP, I'm grateful to read about your stuff. I'm getting there, too.
 
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