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Mods, if this needs to be moved, please put where you feel appropriate.<br><br>
It's been mentioned a few times in some recent threads that there are a number of us mamas who are the wohp's and our dh's are sahd's. Perhaps we could tell our stories here, share some of the challenges for us and our spouses, etc.<br><br>
Here's ours.<br><br>
Dh is a carpenter, has been pretty much all his life...and a darned good one. He LOVES designing and building things. I love to watch him get fired up about this, his passion. While being a carpenter is incredible, it's also very physically hard on the old body. He fell off a roof about 7 or 8 years ago and since then has had back problems. Last spring, soon after we found out we were pregnant with #2, he had an MRI which uncovered two ruptured disks in his neck and a spine full of arthritis.<br><br>
This confirmation that all the pain he'd been suffering over the years was real made him decide it was time for surgery. The timing was perfect in many ways. He could have the surgery just after the baby came, then stay at home with the kids, then go back to school...start a new career. He worked until the pain wouldn't allow him to work anymore, and until a third disk completely ruptured, about a month before the baby was due. He closed his business and we pulled Bilal out of day care.<br><br>
Bella was 2 weeks late making her only 2 weeks old when he had surgery. It was a rough rough time for us all but I'm still glad we did it when we did. I was able to be home and care for them all. Fortunately, I had an easy birth and fast healing. We got to spend my entire 3m maternity leave all together. What a wonderful gift!<br><br>
It was going to be tight with only me working but we were truly blessed that I got a significant raise the week I returned to work! We also took over as the managers in our apt building a couple of months later. We are so thankful that we are now actually in a better place financially than we were when he was working!<br><br>
It wasn't an easy transition for him. As much as he doesn't agree with the idea that the man must be the bread winner, it was deeply ingrained in him from his childhood. He tried to get a SAHD's group going with no luck. The other dad's were more interested in doing activities sans kids. He hung out with some SAHM's but so far hasn't really felt that comfortable with any one group.<br><br>
Some people still don't get it when I tell them that he is home with the kids. They often say, "Oh , he works from home." .... well yes but not the way they think.<br><br>
I try hard to be as supportive of him as he is of me. I'm lucky in that I can take the baby to work...and the 4yo too but not as easily. I can work from home as well. We are in agreement that we BOTH work all day and when I get home, neither of us is off duty. Evenings are for teamwork.<br><br>
I try hard to give him plenty of adult time. Afterall I get 40+ hrs a week. The kids and I do something together, sans dad, every weekend. He typiclly plays his guitar or hangs out with friends. He also spends time each evening playing guitar...sometimes with us and sometimes alone.<br><br>
He just got a job cleaning the neighbors house once a week. This has made him feel better in that he has his own spending money - he HATES asking me for money.<br><br>
He originally was planning to go to cooking school in the fall but now he wants to stay at home longer. He can't imagine leaving B2 now that he's really gotten over his dad = wage earner hang ups and is fully *in* to being a SAHD.
 

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Just a quick hi to all you SAHD/WOHM/WAHM families out there! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
I'm off shortly to check out a back-up care facility through my work, as dh has begun working on a casual basis a couple of days a month, so can't stop to chat at length now, but I'll definitely return later.<br><br>
Brief synopsis: I work full-time o/s the home, had dd while still in school. The first two years, I was a full-time student while dh stayed home more or less full-time (sometimes working a bit from home or teaching one evening a week). Then I transitioned to full-time work outside the home. We initially planned just that he would take a parental leave then return to the work force, but it worked so incredibly well having him caring for her full-time that we've never gone back. We're now toying with homeschooling, but we'd feel more comfortable with that if we were both able to participate (i.e. I work fewer hours and he works more) - we need a bit more balance than we have now, with my crazy hours taking a toll on both of us.<br><br>
See you soon...
 

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I was just about to start this post, but then I saw yours!<br><br>
I am the proud wife to a SAHD.<br><br>
I really think a lot of the decision had to do with the way we were raised. My MIL is an amazing woman, and I love her so much. She raised DH to be a warm, nurturing, caring man - and really showed him how to take care of a kid. My parents, well, they clearly loved my sister and me, but they didn't do the best job of showing us how to treat other people, how to care for ourselves and especially how to care for a child. For me, the focus was always on school and money. At the end of the day, it made me a well-educated successful businesswoman, who figured out on her own that there was a lot more to life than money, but realistic about what you need to live the way you want to in the city.<br><br>
When DH and I got together, we were both working. He was in the restaurant industry and I was in publishing. It was very clear that he wanted more domestic responsibility, so he stepped down from managing business to doing regular waiting tables, etc. I was making enough to support us, so it was fine.<br><br>
Around the time we got pg with Sam, DH was opening a business. So he was working crazy hours, but since the bar was open on weekends only, he was able to be home with Sam every day except Friday. My aunt would care for Sam on Fridays - it wasn't great, but it worked for us. My aunt isn;t in the best of health, but she sure adores her great nephew and took very good care of him.<br><br>
The business didn't work out, so DH became a full time SAHD. He loves it. I've since changed jobs and am making more money, so we can afford to continue this way when the new baby comes. DH is loving, caring, patient - he does a wonderufl job with Sam, who is obviously blossoming. THey do great stuff together during the week.<br><br>
I am sure to give DH adult time - he goes out every couple of weeks with his friends, and golfs on Saturdays (which are my day with Sam). My biggest challenge is that I don't have quite as much time as I'd like with either of them! Especially right now, since i'm tired at night and tend to fall asleep when Sam goes to bed. Every other sunday, Sam sees my FIL and that is like a date day for me and DH, so that is very nice.<br><br>
It can be very hard to raise kids in NYC, but there is nowhere else we want to be. Sam was breastfed exclusively for over 6 months (either direct or EBM with DH), eats mostly organic food but does love his veggies and fruits, nursed until he was done around 2.5 yrs, was cloth diapered and fully potty trained soon after he turned 2 yrs, co-slept until recently and still sleeps in our room, is well adjusted and well attached to both me and DH. We feel that we have practiced AP in the way that is right for our lives.<br><br>
We are certianly excited for Sam to start public school (pre-K) in Spetember so he can start meeting more kids and branching out on his own. We are both products of NYC public schools and believe that it is the way to go.<br><br>
Definitely looking forward to being able to speak with more of you about this!<br><br>
Have a nice long weekend!
 

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This is a great thread. I have two SAHD’s in my life- my own father and my husband. When my brother and I were babies my mom left the job she loves, nursing, to take care of my brother and I. She was very happy doing so, but this was the late seventies and the economy was very bad and my parents had a hard time making ends meet. My mom went back to work when I was 6 and my brother was 4 and we went to a home daycare across the street which we loved. My memories of this daycare are of sunshine and building blocks and the smell of fresh baked bread. When I was 8 my dad was laid off- and he could not find another job no matter how hard he tried. My mom started working nights because it paid more and my dad was home with us for almost 4 years. I am so grateful for that opportunity to know my dad and spend time with him. I think my brother and I have a much closer relationship with him than if he had never been a SAHD.<br><br>
My own DH is a SAHD. We met in college and he is a few years older. We married the spring before I graduated from college and moved to the Bay Area for me to go to grad school. He worked and supported us the whole time I was in school. Three months before I earned my MA our DD was born. When we were TTC we had planned on me taking a year off from school and then going back to finish a PhD. I changed my mind about wanting an academic life and when DD was born we decided to move back to Seattle to be closer to our families. When we moved back we realized that all our expenses were the same in Seattle, but the wages were much lower than in the Bay Area. We hadn’t really made any plans about me working or staying home- we were just getting by day by day and we were going into debt to buy groceries and pay rent. I started looking for a job because I could get an entry level job in my field of interest that would pay the same that my husband was making, my job would have better benefits, and it would have better advancement potential. When DD was 12 months I found a PT internship and we worked opposite shifts- me in the morning and him at night. This was exhausting, but the internship was my ticket to a permanent FT position. That FT job paid just enough and the cost of living was just low enough where we were living to have DH stay home. We had to move to a rural area for my job and there weren’t many jobs for DH. After a few months of staying home he realized how much he loved it- he has a patient and nurturing personality. He was basically shunned by SAHMs in our small town and told he couldn’t bring DD to playgroups because he was a dad. Now that we live in a more urban area he doesn’t get that treatment at all. I must admit that I missed my daughter during the day when I first went to work, but it was so energizing and rewarding to be working and doing a job that I loved. Everyone in our family was happy. When we had DS, it was nice to have all four of us at home nesting together and becoming a family. I had to go back to work at 8 weeks, which was hard, but we made it work and my office was only three blocks away so I could come home to nurse much of the time.<br><br>
I consider myself lucky to be a WOHM with a DH who SAH. Although I wish I did have more time to spend with the kids, I really do love my field of work. It makes me feel smart and energized and satisfies my (perhaps a bit neurotic) need to focus on details. As a result when I get home I can focus on enjoying my family and playing with kids and letting go of housework. These are things that were difficult for me as a SAHM because I had no where to focus my perfectionism except on my house and child- and I don’t think that was a healthy arrangement at all. Plus, I never have to worry about my kids, I always know they are being cared for someone who loves and cherishes them and someone who is happy to be there.<br><br>
I know I have written far too much, but I actually feel quite passionate about this subject. SAHD’s have been a huge factor in my life.
 

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Great thread!<br><br>
My SAHD hubby posts here at MDC too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
We actually made the decision for him to be a SAHD with lots of planning. We moved from the Bay Area, CA 2 years ago. When we lived there, we were both in high tech with similar salaries. He was a senior network administrator, but really was sick of high-tech. We decided to relocate to a less expensive area that we felt would be more desirable to raise kids. I kept my job and CA salary and now we live in the Triangle area of RTP.<br><br>
He has been a stay at home husband since we moved to NC so we would get used to living on my income. He just finally got his promotion to SAHD 3 weeks ago when we brought our 8-month old daughter home from Guatemala.<br><br>
I actually am a full-time telecommuter for a large tech company so I'm around during the day, but he is definitely primary care giver. He admitted the other day that this is the hardest and most rewarding job he's ever had.<br><br>
We don't plan for him to return to the corporate world. He is hoping to homeschool. He may do some personal chef work on the side; that is his other love. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Holli
 

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In all the nearly 3 years of having our SAHD arrangement, I have never met anyone IRL or online who is doing it. Now, being new here, I suddenly find so many of you wonderful parents and families. I am just ecstatic to know I have found some who understand and who share my family's values and challenges.<br><br>
I had my first child in daycare from when she was 5 until she was old enough to be home on her own. I loved the daycare we had; it was well-known to be the best in the region, the teachers were great, etc. But I got so stressed everyday at the end of my workday, trying to make sure I got to the daycare on time and so she wouldn't be the last child to be picked up. She was 15 years old before I ever contemplated having another child.<br><br>
When my husband suggested that we try to have a child, I explained to him my stress about getting her from daycare and her getting sick and being home sick and me having to coordinate work and caring for her and he stopped me. He said, "What if I quit my job and stay at home with the baby?" Well, I was ready to jump into the sack and TTC with him then and there! Turns out, it had always been a dream of his to stay at home and care for the house and children. Having been a SAHM for my first child until she was 5, I knew I was not well-suited to that job. So it was the ideal arrangement for us. It also so happened that I had a higher salary than he did, plus we had considerable savings and no debt.<br><br>
He has been SAHD'ing for nearly 3 years now. People are always so curious; they always ask him "Do you like being a SAHD?" and he always says yes. People at work ask me, surreptitiously, as if I'll want to whisper the answer, "Does your husband STILL like being a SAHD?" Absolutely. And my girls love it too. He makes the most amazing lunches for them; gourmet vegetarian works of art. He ponders over cookbooks and nutritional guidelines. He involves them in every task he does around the house, teaching our 2 year old how to use a spade to dig a hole for the vegetable seeds for his organic garden in the backyard. He takes our toddler to a playgroup for 2 hours twice a week; once a month he has to be the parent supervisor of the playgroup, the rest of the month he gets those short breaks for himself (though now we have the new baby so he has her to look after).<br><br>
I am so proud of all he accomplishes and whenever I accomplish anything at work I think of it as "our" accomplishment. When I get promoted and/or a raise, it is "our raise". We never quarrel about money because my salary is "our salary". When I get home after work I take over the kid duties and he goes out for a run with his friends or he gets uninterrupted time to work in his garden. Same with weekends. My teenager babysits the younger girls one night a week so my husband and I can go out on a date.<br><br>
I wouldn't trade our life for anything.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nonconformnmom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">In all the nearly 3 years of having our SAHD arrangement, I have never met anyone IRL or online who is doing it.</div>
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DH was a SAHD for about three years and had never met another. People generally treated him as if he was unemployed, not SAHD by choice. He was lucky that now that we live in a more urban area there is actually an organization for SAHD's! He gets together with them about once a week and they all take the kids to play at a playground, hike a trail, or some other fun thing. There is also another SAHD in the local homeschool group he joined. It has made a world of difference to him to know other SAHDs.<br><br>
Also, a friend of mine wanted to go to an AP Int'l meeting a couple weeks ago and I somewhat reluctantly agreed to go with her. I was a bit worried about the WOHM thing and how that would be received. There were only five families at the meeting, but three were WOHM and SAHDs! I was amazed. I think it is becoming more prevalent.<br><br>
Plus I have to say that one of the best ways to get people to understand the value of what is traditionally known as "mother's work" is to get some non-mothers out there doing it. Gender equality can only go so far with women taking on traditionally male roles in our society. Males will need to take on more traditional female roles to acheive true equality in choice for men and women.
 

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So glad to see this thread! My DH has been a SAHD for 5 years now. Actually we know several families around here who have this arrangement, but maybe that's because I work in higher education rather than the corporate world? He does work one or two days a week so he gets out of the house, brings in a little bit of money and keeps his hand in his profession. Overall it's been a very positive situation for us. We really only intended to do it for 6 mos but realized we were a lot better off financially that we thought we would be. Having him be the one at home rather than me is a definite advantage with regard to the finances-- he's a bargain hunter, coupon clipper and keeps both of our old cars running (mine's a '90 and his is an '87) so our living expenses are very low. We've also refinanced our house 4 times in less than 4 years because he keeps finding better deals with no closing costs. On the down side sometimes I think he spends quite a bit of time on the computer and other hobbies, and sometimes I wonder if the kids end up in front of the TV for a long time on those days? Though sometimes I think I may be overly critical and if I were the one at home I wouldn't hold myself to the same standard? Anyone else have that problem?
 

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My dh is a PT SAHD (and I am a PT SAHM). Hope it’s okay to post here! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Our family is really lucky. I WOH PT (about 25-30 hours per week), my dh WOH PT (about 20-25 hours per week) and we have a PT babysitter in our home. This has been our setup since our son was 4 months old (he’s just over 2 now, happy and healthy and a joy).<br><br>
We are trying to replace the sitter with a few hours at a Montessori preschool, and the transition is kinda bumpy, so we may hold off on that for another year or so if it doesn’t get better soon.<br><br>
Neither my dh nor I felt we could be home FT even if we could afford to do so financially; neither one of us has the constitution to do that and stay psychologically healthy. But neither did we want to be working FT (for us, that would mean too much time away from our ds). Our arrangement works well for everyone—I really hope that we can continue it. I have a better salary, and my job comes with health insurance, so it is the one we really need to keep in order to stay solvent.<br><br>
I think my dh doesn’t get some of the unfair, negative reactions that FT SAHDs because he does work PT. But he does have to struggle against some of the sexist assumptions about men because I am the primary earner. :sigh
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KalamazooMom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">On the down side sometimes I think he spends quite a bit of time on the computer and other hobbies, and sometimes I wonder if the kids end up in front of the TV for a long time on those days? Though sometimes I think I may be overly critical and if I were the one at home I wouldn't hold myself to the same standard? Anyone else have that problem?</div>
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Some days I know he spends nearly the entire day in front of the computer...he admits it. The thing that annoys me about these days is not the kids. I know that B1 is fine with his imagination and toys on those days. B2 is content to sit on dads lap or roll around on the floor.<br><br>
It's the house. I'm a neat freak, he's not. We have come to an agreement that he cleans the house to his standards before I get home and if I want more, I do it. On these days though, the house is a wreck and that makes me angry. I TRY so hard not to care but my need for a clean and orderly house isnt going to change, I've been trying to lighten up for 20 years with no luck :LOL<br><br>
I'm with you that I just have to put myself in his shoes. Would I have an occassional do-nothing day, yup, i'm sure I would.
 

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My DH was a teacher. He made more money than most people think, but still not enough for us to live on. Once I had Ben, I knew the daycare/babysitter thing was not working for us, I was miserable and so was Ben. So we made a commitment to one of us staying home with him, and financially that had to be DH. So, for almost a year we lived off my income while using DH's to pay off our bills (car note, student loans, credit cards, etc.) The day DH quit his job was just about the happiest day of my life and the change in Ben's personality was instant - he became noticeably happier to have a parent around. So he's been SAHDing for 3 months now and it's been wonderful. I feel like a wait was lifted off me.<br><br>
The only thing is, everyone we know assumes DH is on FMLA leave and that he'll go back to work in the fall when school starts up again. Well, they'll be suprised! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Yeah! I'm so happy to see this thread. Here's our story - my husband is an engineer and worked for a company that has been struggling ever since the tech boom busted. So, when I was 2 months into maternity leave, he came home and mentioned that they were offering a nice package for folks wanting to leave. Well, we talked and talked and talked and talked about it, and finally came to this - My job is very secure, his job (even if he stayed) was very unsecure. I couldn't quit my job with him in his current job because his company was just way to unstable (and we are not risktakers when it comes to not having an income), it seemed unlikely that he could find another job before I'd need to go back from maternity leave, and so where did that leave us? So, we decided he'd take the package and stay home for a while, look for another job, and then I'd quit (I'd always planned to stay at home with my kids). So, I went back to work and then got a promotion and well, then it became obvious that the best "for the family" decision was for me to work and him to stay home. Dh is renovating our house and doing an addition, and he works on this at night and on weekends and also does some contract work at night (at home) for where he used to work. So, we both stay very busy and are in divide and conquer mode right now with Dh handing off Dd to me for most of the night and all weekend.<br><br>
So, that's where we are. DD is a pure delight, so it is fun to be with her all day, and it's been hard on me emotionally not to be. But, when I look at the hours (which I do a lot!) she actually gets to be with me about as much as with Dh. And I know she is growing up with an awesome perspective - she knows Home Depot as well as our house and will probably be spouting stock quotes shortly! So, I'm proud that she is growing up without as many of the stereotypical gender beliefs, and that she will grow up relating to her Dad as well as to her Mom.<br><br>
I echo someone's earlier sentiments about the house - that is the one thing that drives me crazy. I've gotten a lot better about not saying anything (I don't think it will ever not bother me, but I've learned to not say anything), but it still comes flying out after I've had a really hard day. Dh is great about keeping things running, but sees no value in straightening the house. He also isn't proactive - I've finally given up on that and just leave a list every morning of what I want/need him to do. But at the end of it all, I know my daughter is taken care of, and everyone is healthy and happy.<br><br>
But I do have to laugh when people say "oh, that must make it so much easier since your husband stays home." Well, yes and no. Yes because I don't have to worry when I work late, when dd is sick, and I never worry about her care. But I always say "yeah, except you can't fire your husband!"<br><br>
Dh absolutely loves it, which is so amazing to me. If you had asked anyone that knows him if he'd do this, it would have been an absolute no. But becoming a dad has so changed him, and I love it. I especially love to hear him explain to people what he does for a living and watch their reactions. Yes, we are changing the world - one shattered stereotype at the time!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LovinLiviLou</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Dh is great about keeping things running, but sees no value in straightening the house. He also isn't proactive - I've finally given up on that and just leave a list every morning of what I want/need him to do. But at the end of it all, I know my daughter is taken care of, and everyone is healthy and happy.<br><br>
But I do have to laugh when people say "oh, that must make it so much easier since your husband stays home." Well, yes and no. Yes because I don't have to worry when I work late, when dd is sick, and I never worry about her care. But I always say "yeah, except you can't fire your husband!"</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:
 

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Nice to see so many folks in the same place around here, our family is an anomaly where I work.<br><br>
We didn't really plan the SAHD thing, and our story is a little different. I am a neonatologist, and my DH is a surgeon. He finished his surgery residency the month I got pregnant with DS. I still had one year of training to do, and we planned to move across the country when that was done. The "plan" was for him to work PT (locum tenens) while I was PG, and SAH after DS was born, until we moved. Well, the PT thing never materialized, he just kept finding new projects to renovate our old house. Then, after DS was born, he never really looked for a job in the town we were moving to. He still hasn't, and honestly, I don't know when he will. Because he was home, I could work with much less anxiety. If I had to stay late to take care of a sick baby, he could bring DS up for a nurse, and he always did this when I had to work overnight.<br><br>
DH still gets a fair bit of crap, openly or hidden, from his family for his decision. I think his mom is dissappointed that her surgeon son is a homemaker, and completely happy. When he was practicing surgery, my DH was working 90-100+ hours a week, pale, flabby, and closed off. Now he's got healthy color, he's fit, and he's emotionally more there. I can't see that he's doing anything detrimental to himself. No one would bat an eye if I took five or ten years off to be home with the kids, its a shame its different for him because he's a man.<br><br>
We really don't need two incomes to live on, any work he does will be solely for personal fulfillment (well, we'll take the money... :LOL ), and I envison that he will practice, likely PT, once our kid(s) is/are older. If he never wants to, fine. We are very lucky to be able to have one parent home.
 

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Hey,<br>
I was just thinking of starting a thread to talk about SAHD issues and connect with other families in the same situation.<br>
Here's our story.<br>
DH was laid off just before DS was due. He probably would have had to quit anyway because he wouldn't make enough money to cover Daycare anyway. Once the baby was here it became more and more clear that we probably wouldn't trust him to the care of someelse anyway. DH loves doing home projects but can't seem to pick or clean up anything during the day with DS around. He's working on it but it is still driving me crazy. He also is addicted to TV and stays up till at least 12a every night so he is really tired when I get up to go to work and moans and groans at everthing. This really irritates me. Probably cause I am a morning person anyway. Ok, I don't really mean to rag on DH because he is really great with DS. I really wouldn't mind if he stayed home indefinately. As long as he can start picking up after DS and himself. I love DH <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Wow, I'm really enjoying this thread and reading about so many of the same issues we have! The housework thing isn't really so much of a problem for us-- we both have low standards of cleanliness and neither of us likes to clean so when I get home and the house is a wreck it doesn't get to me. However I do like to have a nice family dinner and I get irritated when I get home and there's no plan for dinner, nothing started, etc. and he suggests getting a pizza or going out for take out. I don't mind that once in a while, but it seems like it happens about 3 days a week now. Has anybody read the "Stay at Home Dad Handbook," by somebody named Baylies? It was recommended to me and I'm about half way through it now. I wouldn't highly recommend it, but I am picking up a few things from it. One thing he suggests is having a contract between the two of you to spell out who will be responsible for what. There's a sample in the book. I was thinking of bringing this up to DH and we could negotiate what each of us will be responsible for. I'm curious if anyone else out there has a contract with their partner? Maybe it's not such a good idea since there's no way to enforce it, right? But then again I think it might help us to actually put in writing what we expect of the other.
 

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My dh has a ph.D. and I know that his family is sort of wondering why he isn't applying his education. But his degree is in food engineering and there just aren't any jobs in that field near where we live. Besides, he applies his education to creating wonderful meals for the family and processing and freezing the fresh produce from his organic garden! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
He has become somewhat lax in the housework department also and it does get to me. I do not like clutter and the house is much more cluttered and disorganized than it has ever been. To his credit, he was always a 'neatnik' around the house before we had kids and it used to get on my nerves because he would put my dishes away before I was even finished using them, lol! So I am taking this to mean that it really IS difficult to keep a clean house with two young kids and maybe all of your dh's are finding it equally difficult. I know when I am home with my two young'ens I cannot get anything done!
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I was thinking of bringing this up to DH and we could negotiate what each of us will be responsible for. I'm curious if anyone else out there has a contract with their partner? Maybe it's not such a good idea since there's no way to enforce it, right? But then again I think it might help us to actually put in writing what we expect of the other.</div>
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I think it's a great idea! You know, eating out all the time is a waste of money too. DH knows that's part of his job now, to cook. I think it's important to have a clear understanding so no one feels taken advantage of. He shouldn't feel like you're nagging, but you shouldn't feel like you're suffering either. We don't have a written thing, but we talked about it in detail before we started this SAHDing thing.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KalamazooMom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm curious if anyone else out there has a contract with their partner? Maybe it's not such a good idea since there's no way to enforce it, right? But then again I think it might help us to actually put in writing what we expect of the other.</div>
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We don't have a written contract, but I think you could say that we have an oral agreement. We sat down and talked about things like housework, fixing stuff, yardwork, laundry, homeschool duties, etc. and hashed it all out. That made it clear for both of us what our expectations were and how we would work together to meet them. Our system works well most of the time- and we don't worry about enforcing it- we worked something out so neither one of us has to do the chores we absolutely hate to do. When my DH slacks off on his end of the bargain its usually because he is spending time with the kids, so it is hard to get too mad about it (although I manage to let myself get ticked off about something more than I would like).
 

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Hi all -- Just wanted to jump in. I've really been loving this thread, just too busy to post our story. Here goes...<br><br>
Dh has stayed home with our son since birth. I went back to teaching, full time, after my maternity leave because we need the benfits and the $$$$. He stopped his old job (no benefits), but continues to run his family's beef farm in the evenings and summers (when I'm off of school). He comes from a large family (11 kids) and is wonderful with our son. Although I'd love to stay home, I know in my heart that this is the best situation for us right now. I feel like I'm lucky, because most days I'm home to eat lunch and I'm done at school at 3:30. That with the generous vacations and summers lets me spends lots of time with them.<br><br>
That said, we've pretty much made most of the household things work. He's great about laundry and pulling things out/organizing for dinner. I usually still do the cooking, because he takes a few hours before dinner to do the farm chores. But since most of the prep work is done, I actually enjoy cooking. Cleaning is another issue, we aren't super picky, but I hate when the house gets away from me. So usually I leave a list of things I'd like him to try and get to, most times he does. He and Eli stay busy, but usually its with play time, farm errands or paperwork and housework isn't always as big of a priority as I would like it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
My biggest issue is personal time. I spend all day tending to the needs of highschoolers, then rush home to spend as much time with Eli as I possibly can. I feel like by the time he's asleep I have no energy for me or dh. And Rob just assumes I want to be in charge of Eli all weekend (so he has some full farming days), so unless I have some specific thing planned, I have to schedule me/us time in order to get it all to come together. I'm sure this isn't uncommon, even for SAHMs, but it does irk me.<br><br>
Looking forward to reading more!
 
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