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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm sick of it. God forbid your s/o is gone for awhile and people think you are a single parent! Oh, the horror! What kind of person would leave their awful situation(s) and nonsupporting partner to raise the kid(s) by them self? What would the neighbors say? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br><br>
I'm angry this time because the bad stigma was implied on THIS board. Anyone else sick of hearing/reading the negative intonations made towards single parents?
 

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Yeah, I know. I read it here all the time: pregnant mamas with swollen fingers that can't wear their wedding ring and whatnot. God forbid someone might suspect they are *GASP* single. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br><br>
Whatevs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Let's start a revolution! I'm bring my PSA to every thread in this place. *OK, so maybe not every thread*<br><br>
Seriously, I feel like I should be allowed since the offenders aren't being chastised for what they say.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>incorrigible</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9032094"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What's PSA?<br><br>
People don't have the nerve to say anything so blatant to me, even online. I have it on good authority that I'm rather intimidating. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> It gets me anyway, though. We just had another incident this week. =/ We were going door to door selling cub scout popcorn and met a family just one street over that is just starting to homeschool. Her kids are the same gender and ages as mine (like within a couple weeks!), and they hit it off right away. Everyone was very excited and we started setting up playdates and what not. Then, it came up that I'm a single mom and poof. All of a sudden they're really busy and don't have time to get together and won't return our calls. Hot to icy cold in about 2 seconds flat. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: wth?</div>
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What? You didn't know that being a single mama is contagious? They wouldn't want to catch it!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry that happened to you mama!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Shonahsmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9032453"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What? You didn't know that being a single mama is contagious? They wouldn't want to catch it!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry that happened to you mama!</div>
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ITA - I feel it all the time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>incorrigible</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9032094"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We just had another incident this week. =/ We were going door to door selling cub scout popcorn and met a family just one street over that is just starting to homeschool. Her kids are the same gender and ages as mine (like within a couple weeks!), and they hit it off right away. Everyone was very excited and we started setting up playdates and what not. Then, it came up that I'm a single mom and poof. All of a sudden they're really busy and don't have time to get together and won't return our calls. Hot to icy cold in about 2 seconds flat. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: wth?</div>
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For real?? I can´t believe someone would do that! Well, anyway, her loss!<br>
I can´t really say that I recognise any of this, but I don´t live in the US, I guess it´s different here.
 

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That is unbelievable! I have felt the stigma, too, but not in that way. Basically whenever people find out I'm a single mom they start offering me "stuff", like their kid's hand-me-downs or coupons. And mostly I just smile and take it......
 

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BTDT. As if I wanted their husbands or something.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I have noticed that now that I am <i>not</i> single other mommies are much nicer to me. That really sucks, mammas. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I guess I'm a revolutionary troublemaker <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
I feel ya.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>incorrigible</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9032094"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What's PSA?</div>
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PSA=Public Service Announcement<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Sorry to all you mamas who have to deal with this s*** from people.
 

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Here's what I've come up with as to why married couples back away from single mothers. I've been around and around this block, for twenty years when I was single, childless and free, and for the past nine years, when I've been a single mother. Of course, there are wonderful exceptions to this theory, but as far as the marrieds we're talking about here, the ones who "reject" socializing with single mothers.<br><br>
It is my opinion that of these type couples, the <i>woman</i> is afraid of her man magnetizing to our sexual availability, and <i>the man</i> is afraid of his woman learning how wonderful it can be to be a single mother. They're each afraid of being rejected by each other, basically. Unfortunately, in many cases, one's worst fears come to fruition, and such is the human race.<br><br>
They're not bad people for their insecurities, but, it really just points up the fact that they have them, too, even within the "security" of marriage.<br><br>
I think it would be interesting to have a discussion here about the bigger picture: If there is a reason, a higher purpose behind our feeling rejected by marrieds, what is that purpose? Why do we attract that energy to ourselves, metaphysically speaking? There's gotta be a reason.<br><br>
For me, I'm sure part of it is having to prove that I can do it alone, that a woman (my mother--childhood issues, of course) doesn't have to be dependant on a man at the cost of her children's well-being and happiness.<br><br>
I often wish I had that dream, happy family, mom, dad, white picket fence, etc. And as long as I'm dreaming, I'd really like for him to be ten-fifteen years younger than me, hot, hunky, smitten with me, etc., while I am independantly wealthy and do not need him for anything but love and sex.<br><br>
On the other hand, having to be "both" parents does challenge me to be ALL of who I am, which IS, in fact, a person with both masculine and feminine energy and characteristics.<br><br>
VF
 

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I've never noticed any kind of stigma. Maybe it's just not apparent where I live, or maybe it's here but I just don't "see it".<br><br>
Anybody who would stop wanting to be my friend because I'm single isn't somebody I want to befriend anyway.
 

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I also have found that it varied with <i>where</i> I lived. I was more ostracized in rural KS than in CA, for example. Ca has a much more <i>live and let live</i> attitude about most things.
 

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I notice a big difference even one city over. Not everyone stigmatizes but I can assure you I am not imagining it or causing it to manifest.<br><br>
I remember the comments I heard when I was coupled. Thank goodness I didn't make them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I have been snubbed/excluded/ignored/etc. as a single mom. (add in the stigma of being a widow and I won't even get into the laundry list of ASSumptions, 'advice' and judgements I have encountered <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: even by family members) it really hurts! but it's definitely also taught me alot about people and their motives.. Recently I joined a single parents group and it's been wonderful to connect with other single parents who get it! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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I have never experienced this with anyone who is a friend but I have experienced negative comments from co-workers who should know better.
 

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I was a single parent by choice with my daughter when I was a very young looking 25, and people really looked down their noses at me. Now I'm separated with two more kids at 43, and I don't get it so much. A lot of people really make value judgments, and it never ceases to amaze me how free they feel to let you know what they think about what they presume to be your choices/circumstances.
 

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I'm happily married to a man who deploys a lot...A LOT...and I have definitely felt the 'poor lonely mom without a mate' stare (I rarely wear my rings since they scratch the baby...)<br>
I hate him having to go, but I look at the positives and enjoy the 1 on 1 time with the kids...so in a way, I envy you single moms! I would LOVE to make sandwiches for dinner, or salads, instead of full meals (like hubby likes...)...not saying that you guys do that, but it would be nice to have the freedom of only thinking of myself and the kids and not having to worry about my hubby's wants/desires.<br>
I also can really respect the work/effort needed to be a single parent.<br>
Just wanted to give some props and let you guys know that SOME of us married folk can appreciate your hard work and also know the positives as well! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> As for the general public that look down their noses...well, they don't really matter... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I am definately starting to feel it. I was married for 10 years. Everyone seems to get hung up on thinking "What did 'she' do (or not do) that caused him to be unfaithful? Afterall, it takes two to break up a marriage, right?" <span style="color:#FFA500;">WRONG</span><br>
I get comments like "Wow, you sure chose a rough path for you and your kids" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <b>Chose?</b> Yes, I chose to divorce him. I never wanted this path, but in the long run it will be much better for the kids and I than the road I was on with stbx<br>
It feels like many of my friends of the past 8-9 years have lost the ability to converse with me. <span>"Please. I really am still the same person, I have no contagious flaws. I won't turn you into a single mama too."</span>
 
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