[manitoba_mommy]

Ok, here is what happened. MY daughter comes home from school yesterday and tells me that I am not gonna believe what happened to her best friend. Apparently they were walking inthe hall way when the 7-8 shop teacher walked up behind dds friend E and nonchalantly squeezed her rear. My DD says it was a busy hall but she clearly saw him squeeze. E whirls around, expecting to see a grade 7 or 8 guy, and asks the teacher what he was doing?!?!?! He mumbles "nothing" and walks away quickly. E and DD go to find their friends and start talking about what to do about this. Fast forward to next class. E gets called down to the principals office and gets and hour long lecture about making up stories and is forbidden to tell anyone her "lies", even her mom! Infact they tell her to go tell her friends not to talk about it either so they can contain the "malicious rumour".

Now, E is a bit of a trouble maker (propably why the SOB picked her to grope) but my DD is a stellar student and "good girl". My DD wants to speak up on E's behalf but E is afraid that the principal will suspend her. E's mom is going through a rough divorce and, to be frank, was not the most supportive parent before her world fell apart anyhow, so E does not want to talk to her about it.

My first reaction is to call the school and get on the until they conduct a full investigation but my DD and E are begging me not to because of the threat the principal made. I am reluctant to take even more power away from E by talking to them when she does not want me to but.....

Ok.

WWYD?

MM

 

[Arduinna]

Oh boy this is a tough situation. My first reaction is too notify the superintendant of the school district, I wouldn't even waste my time with the principle after the crap he pulled. But, I can understand how the kids feel and the fact that you don't want to disempower them and their opinions. I think a little talk about standing up for principles and what's right in the long run might be in order. And maybe a little investigating on your part about the threat of suspension/expelling. Personally I think the principle needs to be fired for threatening a child to keep their mouth shut.
Also, while no one wants their child to be an example to the community of the right thing to do, this could be a excellent learning experience for the girls on standing up for themselves and not being manipulated and bowing to social pressure. This may just serve them well for their lives.

I'd consider consulting an attorney also.

I think it's really important that you discuss what you find out with the girls more. That way they can be part of the continuing decision making over what to do.

 

[sohj]

People say I perpetually walk around with a hard-on and so forth

, but I actually don't think this is a toughie.

Why? Because in my experience of standing up to authority (all kinds, some "REAL" authority...as in armed authority), the worst part is the dread of doing the right thing. Once you start the ball rolling, you're just reacting to events as they happen and there is (usually) no time to think, just DO IT.

I would get together with DD and E first and find out what really happened. All the details. Where exactly were they? Who was next to them? What was everyone wearing? They've got to picture it clear as a bell in their minds.

Then, perhaps, a little old-fashioned "consciousness raising".

(prepare yourself for a rant:

)

I HATE it when some p*$#k decides that a "bad girl" can be a target. You might want to get the book Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation (http://book.realbuy.ws/0060957409.html or http://www.mentalhelp.net/books/book...type=de&id=278). It should be required reading for every girl in Jr. High or High School.

She has to stand up for herself. I remember vividly what my teen years were like. And I remember that I was lucky that I got confusing labels because I was so confrontational. People pushed me around and then I pushed back twice as hard. And, if you're not used to it, I guess it is scary. But, no one deserves being pushed around....and none of that unwelcome touching or whathaveyou is complementary. It is about power. As if this a$$hole teacher doesn't already have enough power over these students, he then feels a need to make someone feel even more powerless.

And if her mother isn't very supportive, she should still do it. I don't know what the laws are where you are, but I know one family that took in their daughter's best friend when her father threw her out and thus she was able to finish high school. From your post about your middle daughter, I gather you already have enough on your plate...but it is just a suggestion.

Adolescence is hard enough without people treating you like garbage.

And, if she starts standing up for herself now, it will be all the easier in the future when something really big might come up.

This is fairly incoherent. I am just sooo mad

. This guy picked on an easy target. It could have been anybody's daughter.

 

[kama'aina mama]

I am not as eloquent or passionate on this subject as sohj, but I totally agree with what she said. Keep quiet? No. Hell no! Make a LOT of damn noise about this!

 

[Britishmum]

I agree that it shouldn't be let go. But before you go above the principal's head, I'd just make an appt to see him and let him talk. Don't let on what E says he said, but find out his story first.

The last thing you want is to go off at the deep end and find that some of her account of their meeting is fictitious or exaggerated. Especially as you say that E has some issues at the moment, and your dd didn't witness the conversation. I'd then focus on the fact that your dd witnessed the incident, rather than what supposedly happened afterwards.

I'd just be mindful that teenage girls can be prone to some exaggeration. Not saying that anyone is lying, but that the truth can be lost sometimes in the story.

Good luck!

 

[LiamnEmma]

Don't bother with the school (this is coming from a school employee). Go directly to the police. This behavior is not okay, we all know it, and the teacher should not be working with children. It doesn't stop here. Maybe with this particular girl it does, but not with others.

 

[earthmamafor3]

No questions, absolutely agree with everyone, you HAVE to follow it up. This is what life is about, teaching these girls they do NOT deserve or ever stand for that kind of treatment. I agree, first things first, talk to the girls get the story clear and straight make sure that is what really exactly happened. Then you talk to the girl's mom and both of you go together to report not only to the police but the school superintendant. The principal goes down with the teacher for handling it like that....CLEARLY this has happened before and no one is doing anything! It is hard, but it has to be done or these girls will truly believe they are victims and they are NOT. AND I bet dollars to donuts other girls are being touched etc inappropriately.
This is what being a parent is all about....IT is so hard and sad that you have to go through this at such a young age.
Blessings on this journey
Deb

 

[veggiewolf]

I remember being branded with the slut label in school, and my physics teacher (who came onto me constantly) told my parents with a straight face that I tried to use sexuality to pass his class and I wouldn't stop flirting with him. Fortunately for me, my parents didn't buy a word of it.

Make as much fuss as is necessary to have something done. No one should EVER be treated like that, period.

 

[Mariposa]

i *do* think you should do something. if you do, e's mom is going to hear about the whole thing, so before doing anything i think you need to talk with her. you, your daughter, and e could all sit down with her, or you could call her (clearing it w/ e first)- i think she really needs to know. then perhaps the 2 of you could schedule and immediate meeting with the principal (with or w/o the girls there) to get his side of the story. do you have any friends who are attorneys? maybe a good idea to have a lawyer present, if possible and realistic. if not, i would make a *huge* stink about impending legal action.
sexual harassment student to student is treated very seriously- teacher to student and you have *major* criminal investigation. the principal knows this.
i'm a teacher- if this ever happened in my school the teacher would be out of a job. this is very serious. good luck, mama

 

[JodiM]

Don't you dare keep quiet!!!

Look at it this way...

How are you going to feel if this same teacher... who KNOWS the school wont believe "E"... corners her and RAPES her???

You essentially will also be responsible... and as much as you may not like the comment, you are an adult, you know what is right, and what is wrong.
Contact the police, super, principle, newspaper office, EVERYONE who can help that man stay away from other children.

How would you feel if it were your dd he had grabbed?

 

[spero]

Quote:

Originally posted by JodiM Don't you dare keep quiet!!! How would you feel if it were your dd he had grabbed?

I think Jodi has hit the nail right on the head!

I think I'd consult a lawyer and see what they would advise before I spoke with the principal, the superintendent, the police, or anyone else.

 

[manitoba_mommy]

Thanks everyone. I guess I should give an update hmm? Well, E refuses to come forward, her mother insists it was just childish talk and my DD refuses to "get E in trouble by comming forward without her consent". It realy troubles me but these kids are 100% possitive that punitive, vindictive, measures would be taken against them if they come forward. I honestly feel like I am banging my head against the wall with both E and her mom.

I did speak to a police officer about this in the hypothetical sense and I was told not to bother unless E is willing to talk. My DDs word is not enough, so what do I do?

Fume and count down the days until the ^%^$%$ touches a kids whose parents wont tell them its all in their heads I guess.

MM

 

[Greaseball]

The sad thing about these cases is they often need an official statement from the victim. The victim should be able to stay out of it if she wants - she has already been violated; she doesn't need anyone else telling her what she has to do about this!

My friend's 4-yr-old son was molested in daycare for 6 months, and his life was also threatened. He was locked in closets, hit, and burned. The police said they couldn't do anything because this now seriously emotionally disturbed preschool child won't give an official statement.

The kid went totally silent for months! How is he supposed to just suddenly talk on command about stuff he'd rather forget?

If it were me, I'd pull my kid out of that school and tell the principal exactly why. But I'm just that way. Even if it were only happening to "other kids" I know my kids would not be safe in a place like that. (Of course, good luck finding a school that doesn't ever do that!)

 

[urklemama]

Can you find some adult or older teen whom E trusts to explain to her that she cannot be retaliated against?

 

[Rie&BugsMom]

I totally agree that this issue should be addressed and done soon. The longer you wait, the harder it may be to prove the credibility of this incident to the school's Superintendant, or the Police. This issue is not something that should be shrugged off as something bad that happened on such and such a day. It really should be dealt with.

You have the capability of getting involved simply because your own DD said she "witnessed" at teacher doing this. It now becomes a ball dropped in YOUR lap.

A sex offenders power is in the fear he can instill in his victims. He will maintain his so-called "power" through the secrecy of it all. If he did this to your DD's friend, you can bet he is doing this to MANY other girls. The fact that the Principle of the school told E to be quiet about it, only PROVES that fact !!! The principle must already know this is going on but does not know how to handle it.

I definitely would take it higher up. And I would act on it very soon. Have the girls tell you as much detail as possible. If need be, use a hand tape recorder, or write down what they say to you.

Keep us posted as to how this is going.

Kathleen

P.S. Dont we teach our young children about inappropriate touching and how bad it is? Dont' we teach our children that they need to always come and tell us about it? What is the point of coming to us and telling us if nothing is going to be done in the first place? The school obviously isn't going to pursue this issue, maybe it just needs to be you that gets the ball rolling. Just food for thought.