[faithnj]

Is this true in some cases? Nobody sent me the notice!!! I've been saying for the last month that my DD is acting like a 2 year old, and people have been giving me the

: face, so I thought DD was just being her precocious self. But then I read somewhere that the "Terrible Two's" is a misnomer, and that the independence, arguing, defiance and "no" behaviors can show up at 18 months as well. Why isn't this more widely said??? And did anyone else find they had the "Two's" show up early at their house? And if they come early, does that mean they'll leave early?

Faith

 

[alegna]

Oh yeah. The second year.... ah....

-Angela

 

[celia]

Oh my gosh I have an 18 mo. old too and keep thinking PLEASE tell me this is already the terrbile two's and its not going to get WORSE 6 months from now!

:

I feel your pain.

 

[Terabith]

Yeah, I was relieved when I read in Happiest Toddler on the Block that the peak for the terrible twos was 18-24 months. Makes sense, too. That's when they don't have the verbal skills the most. Has been our experience also. Things calmed down a lot by 2.

 

[faithnj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by celia .....PLEASE tell me this is already the terrbile two's and its not going to get WORSE 6 months from now! :.

THAT'S exactly what I thought to myself!!!! Can you imagine if things were supposed to get worse at 2?!?!?!

And part of the reason I went ahead and started following my daughter's potty training interest at 17-18 months, is because I thought if her behavior at that time was any hint of how difficult she might be at 2, then potty training at 2 was going to be impossible!!! I have no idea why people suggest children be potty trained at the same time period that is notorious for defiant and resistant, controlling behaviors. Right now, that just isn't making any sense. I'm sure mama's of older children can fill me in, though.

How do people get thought the terrible two's??? And not kill their kids? LOL!

Faith

 

[faithnj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terabith Yeah, I was relieved when I read in Happiest Toddler on the Block that the peak for the terrible twos was 18-24 months. Makes sense, too. That's when they don't have the verbal skills the most. Has been our experience also. Things calmed down a lot by 2.

Now that possibility gives me some relief!
I'll keep telling myself it can all be over by Christmas!

Faith

 

[sunnysideup]

I have always loved age 2! I am happy to see my child make her wants known and expressing her independence. I don't view it as "defiant, resistant and controlling behaviors." I would imagine that mind set might set you up for some power struggles.

 

[WuWei]

Quote:

when they don't have the verbal skills the most

Creating a picture board helps the child indicate what they want. 'drink, food, cat, daddy, park, swing, bike, bed, bath, specific toys or people, etc. Also having baby signs for "more, all done, hungry, full, nurse, tired, cold, etc." were a huge help for us.

I thought age three was much harder than age two. But, we didn't have autonomy struggles then, ds just wanted specific, exact preferences which were challenging to guess.

Is there some specific issue that is seeming to be harder than it used to be that you'd like to brainstorm?

Pat

 

[faithnj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnysideup I have always loved age 2! I am happy to see my child make her wants known and expressing her independence. I don't view it as "defiant, resistant and controlling behaviors." I would imagine that mind set might set you up for some power struggles.

Well, frankly I'm secretly enjoying seeing my daughter develop her personality as well. But let's be honest.......children at this age can not have everything they want. You don't have to do much to find yourself in the middle of a power struggle. Witness kids who don't want their mothers to speak to their fathers? What do you advise? Throw daddy out of the house? LOL!

Faith

 

[faithnj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scubamama Creating a picture board helps the child indicate what they want. 'drink, food, cat, daddy, park, swing, bike, bed, bath, specific toys or people, etc. Also having baby signs for "more, all done, hungry, full, nurse, tired, cold, etc." were a huge help for us. I thought age three was much harder than age two. But, we didn't have autonomy struggles then, ds just wanted specific, exact preferences which were challenging to guess. Is there some specific issue that is seeming to be harder than it used to be that you'd like to brainstorm? Pat

It's another person who mentioned the "verbal" frustration issue. My DD speaks in sign and has probably over 100 words at this point, so that one is not my issue. But really, I just wrote in because I hadn't known how to catagorize what I'd been dealing with over the last month, prior to reading that the Two's start at 18 months.

If I had asked you a just two weeks ago-- I would have said "Why has my potty trained daughter just got off the potty, got onto the floor, put her butt up against the potty, peed on the floor and smiled up at me???" Or why is she telling me "No," running away and smiling at me when I ask her to come? But frankly, I've solved those two specific problems. Shes back to using her potty and coming most the time when called. However--- If I run into any others (and I'm sure I will) I'll let you know. (Unless you want to give a crack at why she starves herself to the point that she loses weight-- when she's already at the zero percentile. Or why she'll eat a food one day from one person, then refuse it from me the next day at home.)

Faith

 

[Qestia]

There's a series of books by the Gesell institute, they're all called "your one year old" "your two year old" etc etc. Anyway, the one year old book said 18 mos is a lot worse than age two--but that age 2.5 also gets rocky. Anyway things will get better!!

 

[WuWei]

Quote:

Originally Posted by faithnj Well, frankly I'm secretly enjoying seeing my daughter develop her personality as well. But let's be honest.......children at this age can not have everything they want. You don't have to do much to find yourself in the middle of a power struggle. Witness kids who don't want their mothers to speak to their fathers? What do you advise? Throw daddy out of the house? LOL! Faith

We did have this issue. We addressed it by having time together in the morning while dh was getting ready for work. I would spend some time with dh chatting while ds slept or played. We chat on the phone several times during the day to update about events and activities. Dh spends one on one time with ds when he arrives home while I work on dinner. Dh and ds do a nightime routine and dh and I have time together in the evening. Now, quite often, ds has eaten before dh arrives home so dh and I have a quiet dinner alone. We also have a date night each week. We send e-mails during the day too. There are a lot of ways to remain connected and not have complex conversations while a little guy is wanting mama or dada'a attention. Our son is older now and wants his own space as often as we do after having some engaged time. It changes.

I agree with Sunnysideup though that the words we use to think about our life, our interactions, our children, our spouses does impact how we treat them and how they react to us.

I believe that adults and children want to do what they want to do and power struggles are caused when one is expected to do something they don't want to do. We work to find solutions that are agreeable to both of us. We create solutions rather than struggle in our home. It is a different paradigm than either parent or child "can not have everything they want". We don't do/have everything we want. But we do not do anything we DON'T want. The key is not pushing for your own way. Children (and adults) do this when they only see one solution to meet their need. Instead, we look at the underlying needs to find solutions which meet everyone's needs. Anyone's first suggestion/solution isn't always agreeable to everyone. So, we keep looking for solutions which work for everyone. Working together is so much easier than struggling to get my first solution accepted.

Pat

 

[KCMommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scubamama Creating a picture board helps the child indicate what they want. 'drink, food, cat, daddy, park, swing, bike, bed, bath, specific toys or people, etc. Also having baby signs for "more, all done, hungry, full, nurse, tired, cold, etc." were a huge help for us.

Ooo, I like the picture board idea! I am going to have to rig something like that up today for my 17 mo DD. Did you just have one big poster on the wall with all the pictures on it? And then ask them to point or "show" which she wants? This might work for us.

My DD had been taking me by the hand and leading me to the object of her desire until lately. Now she seems to be frustrated more easily and will often just stand there and shout. I ask her to "show Mommy" and offer my hand but this has only been working part of the time. So then I just start making suggestions. "Do you want food? Do you want to play outside?" etc Sometimes one of the options is agreeable to her, but I wonder if it is really what she was asking for or if I am missing the original impulse and redirecting her unwittingly. My mind-reading skills aren't up to par, I guess!

Sorry if I am changing the thread topic from OP.

 

[WuWei]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCMommy Ooo, I like the picture board idea! I am going to have to rig something like that up today for my 17 mo DD. Did you just have one big poster on the wall with all the pictures on it? And then ask them to point or "show" which she wants? This might work for us.

I would make it portable. You can even just draw the items. Photos would be easier for a child probably though. You could do a two-sided board, maybe with additions for when you are not home.

Quote:

My DD had been taking me by the hand and leading me to the object of her desire until lately. Now she seems to be frustrated more easily and will often just stand there and shout. I ask her to "show Mommy" and offer my hand but this has only been working part of the time. So then I just start making suggestions. "Do you want food? Do you want to play outside?" etc Sometimes one of the options is agreeable to her, but I wonder if it is really what she was asking for or if I am missing the original impulse and redirecting her unwittingly. My mind-reading skills aren't up to par, I guess! Sorry if I am changing the thread topic from OP.

Yep, mind reading helps.

I watched for patterns of frustration and remembered *THAT* was what he wanted!: the BLUE cup, not the Barney cup.

: and on and on

and on and on.

Pat

 

[WuWei]

Quote:

(Unless you want to give a crack at why she starves herself to the point that she loses weight-- when she's already at the zero percentile. Or why she'll eat a food one day from one person, then refuse it from me the next day at home.)

Our son is sensory adverse orally, so we have a lot of foods that he won't try or refuses after just one bite. Fortunately, he likes smoothies and I add all kinds of supplements to them: flax seed oil, magnesium, probiotics, B-vitamin supplements, calcium, Vit. C, protein powders, coconut oil, and fruit. He loves them. I also use protein powders in pancakes, waffles, cakes, muffins, etc. He loves fruits and vegetables, but like your daughter, it changes from one day to the next. He'll eat two apples in one day, then none for a week.

Same with asparagus, spinach, pork, chicken, beef, etc. He'll eat a huge portion but refuse it the next time it is served. I figure it all balances out.

I add calories by adding oil to the smoothies and extra oil to my baking. Ds likes peanut butter (before age two I'd use almond butter, less allergenic). It has a lot of calories. Avacados do too. Getting enough calories is an on-going awareness of mine because our son is so physical and active. But, sometimes he'll eat little for several days and then eat adult portions of an amazing quantity of food. We are more grazers than big meal eaters though ususally.

HTH, Pat

 

[bdavis337]

My son is nearly 15 months and already throwing toys, stomping his feet and screaming when things don't work out according to his grand plan. He spends a lot of time whining, wailing and generally unhappy. The hard part for me is to determine when he truly needs my comforting vs. his fussing just b/c I gave him the wrong pacifier, he has water and not the juice he wanted but can't have, etc. I also think that the napping changes they undergo at this age makes a diffference as well. Instead of several nice blocks of sleep to make things all better when they get rocky, now we're transitioning to just one mid-day nap and he gets so easily overtired if I don't get the timing just right on meals, sleeps and calm-down activities.

And not to scare anyone, but with my oldest I found that age 3 was far worse than age 2. Perhaps though that was tied to our cross-country move when he was 2 1/2 years old.

 

[sweetpea333]

oh yeah!!! even earlier in alot of cases !

 

[papayapetunia]

My first dd went through terrible twos from 18mo to age 2 1/2.

I don't remember much, but if I have any advice, it would be to forget about teaching them any lessons and try your best to make them laugh when you feel a tantrum coming on. It's all about redirecting. And keep telling yourself that you'll look back on it all and either laugh, or not remember it. My dd did some pretty cute things during that period. She got into my makeup and by the time I found her, she had the bottom half of her face covered in lipstick and the top of her face covered in eye shadow. I was really impressed that she knew the general area to put the makeup on. There was also the time she drew an entire village of people on the side of my parents' house with a black Sharpie. I took pictures of it because I was so impressed with the detail. Just try to think about what you will think of the situation 5 years from now. It will get easier. And age 3...golden.

 

[SomedayMom]

I am relieved to hear this from so many others too. DS will be 21 months this week and I keep thinking he's a 2 year old already

I work with kids and I have definitely been finding 2 year olds to actually be a whole lot of fun. My son is sweet and fun now, just in the "I'll do it, I want to walk, I want to run away from you and play hide and seek in Target kind of stage" I have to up my exercise routine to keep up with him

 

[KCMommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by scubamama I would make it portable. You can even just draw the items. Photos would be easier for a child probably though. You could do a two-sided board, maybe with additions for when you are not home.

Right, portable would be better. Because getting her physically to a poster on the wall would be tough when she is having a communication crisis. And it'll definately have to be photos for me, since my drawing skills are about on par with my toddler. I've made story books for DD with photos of her and family, so this could be similar except one big sheet.

Thanks again for the idea and for taking the time to make so many great posts, Scubamama. I lurk around and learn a lot by reading them.

- Krysta