[Vermillion]

It's funny (in an "ugh" kind of way, not a "haha" way) how things work out sometimes.

August 2007. Took a shot at TTC mid august and found out I was pregnant on August 28. Here we are, one more day until the anniversary of that much wanted BFP, and I just got

A very late AF. I knew that I wasn't going to be pregnant this month, but in my mind, I *should* be pregnant. I want to be pregnant, so badly. It would have been kind of cool to get a bfp instead of AF, a do-over. But I guess the timing is just not right. And I can accept that the timing is not right, but the circumstances around why I cannot get pregnant right now really irk me.

My midwife recently confirmed what I've suspected for a while now. My prolactin levels are too high. I've had milk ever since my loss. There could be other issues as well, but this seems a likely reason why my cycles are weird and I've been having a super short LP. And why I am not pregnant. My BD timing had been off during the 4 months we really tried, and even if I did succeed, there wouldn't be enough time for implantation.

So, August. The anniversary of the conception and discovery of a much wanted baby is met not with a much wanted pregnancy, but finding out that I am infertile, at least for the time being. How's that for timing? And to add insult to injury, I am unable to conceive (probably) due to my prolactin still being too high from my pregnancy/loss. My body is still making milk for my daughter who I never had a chance to nurse. I nursed my son for 4 years. My daughter would only be a bit over a year in. My body knows there should be a baby nursing now. My body has not moved on. That's ok though, because I guess that I really haven't either.

 

[Amy&4girls]

I'm so sorry.

 

[hippy mum]

Momma don't be to hard on yourself. How long is your lp-where you charting to know how long it was and if your bd timing was indeed off? If you weren't charting you might have estimated your fertile time wrong?
I don't understand the prolactin levels. If breastfeeding moms concieve, the levels must still be up right? So why would you mw say that causes you not to concieve? I still have some supply, and I didn't think I would by now. It's a little odd, especially since I'm not nursing ds2 either.
I'm so sorry about everything you are going through

 

[claireb]

Oh Liz, I'm so sorry this is all happening.

There are no words for the injustice of it all.

Thinking of you...

 

[MFuglei]

I'm sorry. It sucks. I wish I had something more for you.

 

[KeyToMamasHeart]

has your midwife suggested anything to speed up the process to physical recovery? like, maybe something you can take or do to dry up the missies so you can get back on track? i know the feeling of wanting and longing to nurse a little one that isn't here, it's a brutal combination of adding insult to injury, and i wish it wasn't like this for you right now, i'm dreading the anniversary of our little Ruby's passing, even though it's still 7 months away. i hope things turn around for you mama, i'm keeping my head up for you <3
xo

 

[Vermillion]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbrandonsmom Momma don't be to hard on yourself. How long is your lp-where you charting to know how long it was and if your bd timing was indeed off? If you weren't charting you might have estimated your fertile time wrong?

Yeah, I'm charting. My LP is only 7 days

And I've been Oing late. Before I started charting I assumed I was Oing somewhere around day 17 in a 30-31 days cycle, so after BDing like crazy during that time we usually skimped the rest of the month, when I was actually probably Oing then, day 24+ I just thought I had scant CM, and then I noticed that I was getting a lot a week after I thought I was Oing, so&#8230;
I honestly don't get the whole prolactin/infertility thing either. I was just thinking about it the other night. Lots of mothers get pregnant while BFing when their cycles return, but everything I've read says that elevated levels can cause issues, so, I don't know. The fact that I still have milk after over a year and a half of not nursing a baby probably makes things more off than if I were just nursing. My hormones are just wacky. I honestly think there are some other things going on as well, but this is a starting point.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeyToMamasHeart has your midwife suggested anything to speed up the process to physical recovery? like, maybe something you can take or do to dry up the missies so you can get back on track?

Right now I'm waiting on an MRI to see if I have a tumor (they're benign, Thank Goddess) on my pituitary gland. That's the most common cause of high prolactin in non pregnant/nursing women. The treatment for that, and high prolactin without the tumor, is medication. There are a few different options, all of which make me weary, and the treatment would be long term. They can lower your levels really fast, but apparently you have to stay on them for a long time to make sure they don't go back up. Unless I got pregnant during treatment, then I'd go off them and keep an eye on my levels, if there was a tumor, as it can grow during pregnancy.

So right now it's a waiting game to see what the cause is, and if anything else is up. If I don't have the tumor, I think I'm just going to wait it out a little longer and try some natural things; diet, TCM, etc. The meds really freak me out