[division bell]

Hi there!

Dh moved out the first week of December. He moved in with his parents

: Anyways, since he is there and his mother is a bit of a control freak and basically takes over parenting of the girls, I am having a really hard time once they come home from the weekend visits. She basically spoils them to death. I try to understand the regular hardships of my 6 year old and going through all this stuff with us (I was 5 when my dad left) but some of it is because of her grandmother's incredibly forgiving nature when it comes to the girls. They get away with anything and everything. "Oh well" is my MIL's favorite thing to say.

She has been shouting and screaming, some hitting too. She says I make her do too much (no way I do) and that I am a mean mommy.

As an aside, she is also eating enormous amounts of food! She is eating bigger serving sizes than I am and she is growing around the middle too fast for my comfort. I have not said anything to her except that I ask her if she is really that hungry and that she needs to stop once her belly is full. I'm scared of her developing some sort of eating disorder. She has grown from a 6x to an 8 in 3 months! We skipped the size 7 altogether it seems and she is only 6.5.

Thankfully, my 3 year old is handling things okay. From what I can tell at least......who knows, she may just have a meltdown one of these days.

I need to know how to cope when these meltdowns happen. I think I'm doing the right things (validating but not allowing any abuse of me) but any suggestions about any of this stuff would help.

Thanks.

 

[teachermom]

I wouldn't stress about how much she eats, just stick to healthy food for the whole family so that she is not stuufing with junk. she may be stress eating (in which case you can just keep an eye on her eating habits and deal with it when live is calmer) but it may just be a time for lots of growth . V turned seven in sept...she wears either a 10 or 12 depending on the style!

I get lots of sass upon returning from dad's house. I think part of it is that his rules are diffferant, part of it is that they hold it together the whole time they are there and then come home and fall apart. I spend a lot of time saying something like "dad has his rules, I have mine. in my house my rules are the ones that count"

I can see how frustrating it must be to have the girls grandmother parenting them so differantly (and dad not parenting at all). On the other hand it must be kinda like a gift to the girls to have grandma doting on them so much in the mist of all the changes going on.

sounds to me you are handleing it the best way you can. hang in there.

 

[L.J.]

It is common for the kids to come home & have a "meltdown."

I think it's important to just stay close and offer whatever love & support you can. Are you able to tallk to your daughter about this at a time when she's feeling more calm? She may be able to tell you more and explain some of her feelings.

I agree too that if you keep offering healthy foods, that will help. I also think I just read something about a growth spurt around 6, but I'm not sure.

One thing most of us learn quickly is that we can't control what happens when they go with the other parent. There are battles that are worth taking on and others that are just wasted energy. You will probably not be able to do anything about what happens when they are away, but you can continue to offer the same consistency and routine, boundaries, love & happiness that kids need and thrive on.