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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I never thought I'd have to deal with this at such a young age!<br><br>
The boy that I drive to school along with my dd has, in the past few months, begun to "gang up" with other boys on dd when they are in groups. I mean, REALLY gang up. And he does it in ways that keep him from getting into trouble, either with the teachers (at school) or his mom (at the playground or parties). Here's what he did yesterday, and it's a perfect example of what happens:<br><br>
We were at an ice-cream party thrown by his mom. She invited a small group of kids from their class so they could get to know each other. Dd was the only girl. This child immediately started whispeering in the ears of a couple of the other boys there, and the next thing I knew, children who hadn't even MET my dd were saying nasty things about her, even though she wasn't even within earshot (I was, though). Then I overheard this kid telling another boy that my dd is "a stupid liar, and we don't like her, right?"<br><br>
As far as I know, my dd has never done a mean thing to this kid; in fact, she thinks he's her friend. Today, finally, his mom overheard something he said and took him home from the playground. He screamed bloody murder, and I have to admit I was almost glad. Sorry, but he's really been crappy to my daughter for no reason.<br><br>
So, his mom is aware of this and is dealing with it, but unfortunately, they are in the same class at school and I'm wondering two things: One, should I have a conversation with the teachers to give them a heads-up? And two, what should I tell my daughter about this? Sometimes it occurs without her knowledge, but at other times, some boy will come running up to her (never the kid I'm talking about, though - he always "uses" other kids to be mean to her) and say something nasty and she's just sort of bewildered by the whole thing.<br><br>
This really upsets me. My daughter is so kind to every kid she meets and it kills me that this kid, who I drive to school three days a week and acts fine in my car, is doing this to her.
 

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DEFINITELY!!! Say something to the teachers. And I would speak with the boy's mom too. Perhaps the teachers will have a method of dealing with this type of behavior, hopefully also talking to the boys. As far as your daughter is concerned, protecting her feelings is paramount. I would talk to her about the fact that what the boys probably want is HER attention, so best that she not respond, or to let them know that she doesn't want to hear what they have to say. But really, the teachers should be on this and the behavior of the boys needs to change!<br>
I used to work at a private elementary school and they were VERY serious about not allowing teasing. Those that are teased often internalize it and then you have situations with outcast kids going out of control ie: Columbine. Not that your daughter is going there, but you see the point of quelling the teasing early on.<br>
It is odd that your daughter was the only girl invited, as if the mom felt obligated since you drive her son to school. Next time I would definitely inquire if there are other girls invited before you accept the invitation.<br>
And as far as the boys, they definitely need consequences for their actions which is the responsibility of the adults. Your daughter should not be left to deal with this on her own.<br>
I am glad that you are aware of the situation and taking action.<br>
How old is she???
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
She'll be five in two months.<br><br>
I like the idea of letting her know that the children who do this are trying to get her attention, so that if she ignores it, they will probably stop. I just worry that she is not really mature enough to do this successfully. Plus I hate the fact that boys in her class who are normally nice to her will start treating her this way at the urging of the boy in question.<br><br>
I have had quite a few talks with dd about friendship, explaining that a good friend is someone who makes you feel good when you are with them, and that people who make you feel bad a lot of the time are not good people to play with.<br><br>
Anyway, after the playground incident mentioned above, the mom called me and we talked about it, although it was clear she didn't want to get into specifics about her son's behavior. I think it made her uncomfortabl;e being in the role of the stinker's mother, KWIM? Besides, it's not my goal to make her feel bad or teach her about her son's behavior - it's just my goal to protect my daughter. We decided to cut down our carpooling a bit to give them a break from each other, but I don't really feel that this will help, as it is in group situations that the teasing and bullying occur.<br><br>
I will definitely keep my eyes and ears open and if I notice this happening at school, I will discuss it with the teachers right away. As far as parties and parks are concerned, I will just have to be more careful about bringing her to parties where she is the only girl when this boy is present. I hate to do that gender thing, but that's what happens. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Thanks for the reply, malamamama...and I'd welcome more from anyone who has been in this situation! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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