Mothering Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,391 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
okay, I need a little help here. I don't know whether to post here or gentle discipline, but here goes:<br><br>
My 21 month old ds is with a nanny and another little boy (10 months) for 6-7 hours/day. She's awesome. Awesome awesome awesome. Ds absolutely loves her, and their days together go smooth as silk.<br><br>
The problem comes when I come home. Ds will sometimes want to nurse, but mostly he starts right in on all the behaviors that a) drive me crazy (like yanking my glasses off) or b) I can't ignore, like hitting the cat or trying to hang from the wall mirror. It feels like he's looking for my undivided attention, but even when I do exactly that (transition in with hug and kiss, nurse, reading books, snuggling, talking, etc), he very quickly morphs into nothing-makes-me-happy boy, and does things I'd like to think are uncharacteristic of him (trying to bonk the other boy, for instance). Our nanny commented on it today, that he really tests all the limits when I get home in a way he just doesn't with her.<br><br>
I'm extremely frustrated. It really gets our afternoon together off to a rough start, and sometimes it continues right out to the playground, which is horrible horrible to deal with. I'm also pretty pooped by the time I get home, which I realize doesn't help things. What I've been doing is heading for open areas and other non-stressful situations instead of trying to negotiate what feels like a ticking time bomb at a crowded park. But I hate feeling like I can't take my toddler to public areas for fear of him throwing/hitting/throwing a fit.<br><br>
Aiiigh! I really need some new ideas about what's going on and how to deal with it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,249 Posts
I don't have an answer for you and I've never been in that situation, but I do recall reading (Dr Sears? Alfie Kohn? I don't know...) that children tend to act up most when they're feeling most secure. So it may be that your boy is holding some stuff in until you come home, then he feels free to let all his frustration (and maybe some of his joy?) out around you, because you will always be there for him and love him no matter what. Kind of like how you can have a job that you like a lot and enjoy, but you still breathe a sigh of relief and take off your socks when you come home.<br><br>
How long has he been with this nanny? It may be that as he becomes more attached to her and feels more secure in her presence (which is a totally different thing than just LIKING her) he'll be less perfectly well behaved for her and less off-the-wall for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,391 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I'd heard that (somewhere) as well, but I'm not quite sure what to do with the idea.<br><br>
As far as being attached to the sitter, they've been together for 8 months, and he absolutely loves her. He'll barrel right past me or dh sometimes to get to her to give her snuggles. Maybe it's something to do with the "herd" mentality, since he's with another child? But the few times he's been on his own with her, he's his normal self.<br><br>
Suggestions, thoughts, ideas for moving beyond this cycle??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,924 Posts
I'm coming at this as a former nanny myself, who still has a very great relationship with the family I nannied for. They actually have become extended family for us-the boys are ds' "uncles" and mom is ds' "nana".<br><br>
Does your nanny prepare ds for you coming home? It may be something to consider doing if it's not happening now. Maybe she can start to do some kind of craft or something that ds can get excited about, and when you get home you could either take a few minutes to help him finish, or if it's done he can show it off to you. It's almost like getting your child ready for bed-there has to be a transitional routine between sitter and parent that you both can agree upon. It may just be that the quick "handoff" frustrates him if he's not a child that handles quick change well. You might also ask her to hang around an extra few minutes (if she immediately leaves) to help the transition go smoothly.<br><br>
Hope that helps.<br><br>
And OMG is his baby wrap pic in your sig CUTE!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,832 Posts
OMG I went through this EXACT SAME THING when we had the 2 parent single-parent-working and Significant Other as SAHP model of family (which I imagine is similar to a child being with a nanny all day until you come home) ~~ when the WOHP would return, the kids would completely act out. When I went back to work and my ex- was a SAHD, they did the exact same to me as they did for him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br><br>
I think it's probably a normal step for them, this sort of attention seeking behaviour ~ and it seems like both the positive and negative attention seeking is pretty much the same thing: acting out to get your full attention.<br><br>
It's hard to deal with but it seems pretty normal. My kids always did it, anyway.<br><br>
After awhile it went away. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Good luck, I know it's hard.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top