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I'm talking about the most lazy, selfish, ignorant, nonsensical reasons you have heard for not breastfeeding. This is my personal pick: "I BF my first for a little while, but I didn't think I would have time to nurse the second baby if I had to take care of the first one." WTF????
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From a friend of mine...
"I quit at 4 months because we were going on vacation, I didn't feel like pumping, and I knew we'd be out drinking and having a good time."
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I really hate threads like this, because unfortunately they tend to bring out the mean-spirited judgemental side to lactivism.

Sure some of the excuses we have heard are dumb at best, and I certainly can empathize with the need to vent.

However the negativity in threads like this really start to get to me and make mothering.com a very unpleasant place to hang out.

Your mileage may vary.

Siobhan
 

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A woman I've met occasionally (and who's dh is an old hs friend of my bil) said, when asked about how nursing was going with her first dd just days after coming home from the hospital, said "well, they told me to sit in bed and hold her and nurse her as much as possible, and well, there's just no way I can do that!!!"
Of course, this is the same woman who, 1.5yrs later, fed her daughter 5 rice crispy bars with mini m&m's and then wondered why she wouldn't eat any supper.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama Poot
I'm talking about the most lazy, selfish, ignorant, nonsensical reasons you have heard for not breastfeeding.
See, this is what I'm talking about over in that other thread.

Quote:
This is my personal pick: "I BF my first for a little while, but I didn't think I would have time to nurse the second baby if I had to take care of the first one." WTF????
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I don't see what is so lazy about that. Taking care of one baby just about broke me, because my babydaddy was USELESS and wanted only the fun fun take her for a walk parenting, while I did all the night parenting, changed EVERY single diaper, and nursed round the clock. I was a walking zombie.

All too often mamas are doing it all, on our own. I can't imagine doing that with two children.

I think when mamas don't want to breastfeed, there are always valid reasons, if you look for them. And looking for them is the first step toward changing them.

But it's easier to sit in judgment and call each other lazy and selfish.
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"It was too time-consuming"
Duh, babies are time-consuming.

"I didn't want to deal with engorgement"
If you breastfeed often, you won't have to. Cholic, allergies, and more illnesses for your infant aren't a great alternative.

"He sleeps for longer periods on formula"
That's because that crap in a can takes longer to digest because it's made for COWS not human babies. That's a sign that his body isn't handling it as well as it would handle breastmilk. Night time wakefulness is just a part of raising a baby. If you want him to sleep for longer periods, try changing his sleeping arrangements. Co-sleep, put him in a bassinet near your bed, or give him his own room if you're doing those first two and it's not working. Try putting him in a rocking bassinet, a baby hammoc, or having him sleep on a different surface. Try adding or eliminating some night time noises. There are lots of ways to help a baby sleep better.

"I work."
You can pump.

"I want to be able to have a drink now and again!"
Pump and dump.

"I want my body back!"
You're a mom. You're not getting your body back the way it was--ever. You're going to have those few pounds that refuse to shed, stretch marks, etc. Moreover, you're going to be covered in everything from spit up to playdough. You're going to have an infant clinging on you, pulling on your hair, following your around. That's just motherhood.

"I take a medication that's not compatible with breastfeeding"
Switch medications.

"My baby was allergic to it."
No, your baby was probably allergic to something you were eating, and instead of just quitting and popping him on formula which is even more allergenic, you should have gone on a hypoallergenic diet to see if that improved anything.

"We couldn't get a good latch"
See a lactation consultant. Or pump.

"Supply problems"
Drink more water and gatorade; eat more protein. Take vitamins. See a lactation consultant for help. There are even medications that help with that.

"I got sick and had to stop"
You can still breastfeed when you have a cold or flu. Stopping is just going to make things worse by causing engorgement, mastitis, and a fussier baby--all of which are a lot worse for you than breastfeeding, which btw would pass antibodies--not illnesses--on to your child.

Disagreeing that an excuse is valid isn't bashing others to make ourselves feel superior. No one is judging anyone, just pointing out alternatives to simply giving in because of one issue. A lot of reasons are just ways to try to escape some of the less desirable aspects of motherhood, like nighttime wakefulness, to try to cut down on the amount of work and time child-rearing takes, etc. Our society is one that feels that what's convenient for the mother must be best for the child and doesn't condemn mothers for selfishness and/or laziness, and I do find that sad. Pointing out that a certain decision is lazy, selfish, ignorant, or not the best one available isn't bashing anyone. It gives me a feeling of sadness, not superiority, to state those facts. No mother is 100% superior to anyone else, because no mother is perfect. There may be a formula feeding mother that's just awesome compared to me or any other breastfeeding mom, so I don't see how pointing out the lack of value in ONE decision is the same as bashing anyone or trying to gloat.
 

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"I work."
You can pump.

"I take a medication that's not compatible with breastfeeding"
Switch medications.

"My baby was allergic to it."
No, your baby was probably allergic to something you were eating, and instead of just quitting and popping him on formula which is even more allergenic, you should have gone on a hypoallergenic diet to see if that improved anything.

"We couldn't get a good latch"
See a lactation consultant. Or pump.

"Supply problems"
Drink more water and gatorade; eat more protein. Take vitamins. See a lactation consultant for help. There are even medications that help with that.


But, see... these aren't necessarily 'lazy' excuses.

No, women do NOT necessarily have time to pump at work. I can not imagine that a person who is working a minimum wage job b/c she has to, is going to be given adequete time to pump at work.... for people like me that would pump for 30+ minutes and only get 1-2 ounces??? I don't think most places of employment allow for adequete nursing times. This goes back to what I was saying in a different thread.... I generally don't fault the mom, EVEN if the excuse sounds 'lazy'. The issue is societal norms. If women grew up seeing their moms/aunts/whoever nurse??? We wouldn't have the excuses, and we would have legislation in place already in giving women adequete time to pump, time off work, whatever.

While some women CAN switch meds... some women can't.

I did an elimination diet with my youngest, since she was pretty much projectile vomiting over 10 times a day. FAR, FAR easier said than done. It took me SIX months to determine everything I could not eat:
any dairy products, soy products, entire cabbage family, anything acidic (many fruits and tomatoes), anything nut related, anything spicy, and any chocolate (think I'm forgetting a few things). Basically I went down to rice and meat and had to slowly add anything back to figure out what the heck was happening. Yes... I did put the 'effort' into figuring it out, but suspected from the start that formula would be a far worse solution.... if dd was losing weight, though, and would have had failure to thrive, though... I'm not sure what I would have done.

With my first, I could NOT get a good latch. Pumping only gave 1-2 ounces at most. Lactation consultants did not help. I was not 'lazy'. Yes, some women use it as an excuse, but it is a real issue with some women. Considering dd has had fine motor issues with her mouth, I highly speculate this contributed highly with the issues of latching well. (and no... the issues would not have been helped by nursing... the fine motor skills are global and not limited to her mouth).

Yes, the above reasons might have other ways to deal with them, or might not. I don't think any of us are in the position to determine that other than the mother.

Tammy
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by thismama
See, this is what I'm talking about over in that other thread.

I don't see what is so lazy about that. Taking care of one baby just about broke me, because my babydaddy was USELESS and wanted only the fun fun take her for a walk parenting, while I did all the night parenting, changed EVERY single diaper, and nursed round the clock. I was a walking zombie.

All too often mamas are doing it all, on our own. I can't imagine doing that with two children.

I think when mamas don't want to breastfeed, there are always valid reasons, if you look for them. And looking for them is the first step toward changing them.

But it's easier to sit in judgment and call each other lazy and selfish.
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Not all mothers have a valid reason- a client of mine didn't nurse because she didn't want to be bothered.
 

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I said this on another topic... some women won't tell you : They won't breastfeed because they were molested and it haunts them to think of breastfeeding.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaFranklin
I said this on another topic... some women won't tell you : They won't breastfeed because they were molested and it haunts them to think of breastfeeding.
On the other thread like this, that was actually named as a BS excuse! Isn't that disgusting?
 

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You're right; they are not all 'lazy' excuses, and like I said, that's not the only type of reason. A lot of people's reasons just have to do with ignorance, a lack of available information and support, as I pointed out another thread. Women do not necessarily have time to pump at work, but they can still try or only breastfeed in the evening. My reference is to those who don't even try, not for quitting. I commend anyone for trying.

Some women can't, and if I ever asked a woman if she'd thought of switching meds, and she said she couldn't, then I'd back off of course. However, there are a lot of women out there who could just switch medicines but don't, because they don't realize there are alternative medications out there.

It would be totally understandable if a mother switched to formula or supplemented if a child was not thriving. Notice that I didn't list "Well, I tried as hard as I could, but my child wasn't thriving" as one of the excuses that I consider to be invalid most of the time.

I know that latch problems are not a laziness issue. As I said, not every excuse is due to laziness, selfishness, ignorance. Sometimes a mother simply cannot breastfeed. I'm talking about mothers who do not even try a all or who quit as soon as any problem comes up, not mothers who try their best and fail. I never said anything derragotory about people who try and fail.

I'm not determining other ways of dealing with them, just pointing out suggestions that can help 'fix' the situation without simply swapping to formula. If those methods don't work, OBVIOUSLY the child must eat something, so obviously switching to formula wouldn't offend me. A lot of women, unlike you and I, don't realize that there are things you can do to try to fix a situation. It's not due to any one factor but to many, ranging from inadequate working conditions to a lack of information available.

If a woman will not breastfeed because of molestation...that absolutely does not qualify as one of the 'worst' excuses. That's a damn good reason in my eyes, just like "I tried" is a damn good reason. Every case is different; every woman and child are different. But there's nothing wrong with pointing out that there ARE alternatives to simply quitting. Yes, those alternatives may not necessarily work, but to quit without even trying them? That bothers me. And no, it's not always laziness, or selfishness, or anything--sometimes people just are not educated... and the only thing we can do to fix that IS to talk about it.
 

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oh boy, another trainwreck.

When I see threads like this, I have to stop and ask myself "Is this really helping?"

Sure, I've heard some doozies, but I don't feel the need to share them with other people so they can sit around and shake their heads with me.

It's one thing to try and help someone who is uneducated, ignorant, or unsupported. It's another thing entirely to sit around and compare lousy excuses, because that really isn't getting anyone anywhere is it?

Sure, it's entertaining, but I'd rather not have my entertainment at someone else's expense. I feel bad for their children, I really do. But threads like this are unproductive, and are part of the reason us lactivists are considered so judgemental.

Save your judgement for situations where there is an opportunity to help educate or support someone. At least that way, when someone calls us judgemental, we know our intentions were pure.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery

"I work."
You can pump.

""I take a medication that's not compatible with breastfeeding"
Switch medications.

These 2 really get to me
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how many work places give nice clean pumping friendly spaces to employees?
Dh has said NONE of the women he ever worked with bf, and that's because none of the jobs he'e been at had any level of privacy for pumping, the only option was their car IF they had one.

The seond is personal to me knowing 3 sisters all on meds that can't bf, cause none of the meds for their mental problems are safe for bf-ing, hell I was on meds for months deemed safe for ttc and decided that I would stop taking them, well would you guess 3 weeks after my BFP, comes a letter from the doctor saying the FDA revised it's danger and now it's no longer safe for ttc, pregnancy or bf-ing, the ONLY med I actually found to work with no side effects gone
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Yes I think ppl are judging the same way mainstream mothers judge us, and I don't give a rat's butt cheek who get's pissed, when alot of ppl here give lip service because they don't know what it is to walk in other ppl's shoes
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I find most reasons NOT to breastfeed isn't a valid reason. Some moms don't breastfeed because of selfish reasons, lack of infomation and lack of support from families/friends
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaFranklin
I said this on another topic... some women won't tell you : They won't breastfeed because they were molested and it haunts them to think of breastfeeding.
A lot of women in this catagory are going to give "lame" excuses rather than reveal their true reasons.

I think we need to focus on formula marketing, obstacles to successful BF, and misinformation by healthcare professionals. Judging or attacking individual women isn't going to accomplish anything.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by frontierpsych
oh boy, another trainwreck.

When I see threads like this, I have to stop and ask myself "Is this really helping?"

Sure, I've heard some doozies, but I don't feel the need to share them with other people so they can sit around and shake their heads with me.....
Funny, I just posed a question and this thread is my answer.

Who does it help? People who are frustrated by the ignorance all around us and feel the need to vent. Where is our safe space to vent our frustrations? If not here, where? If you don't want to "shake your head with others" then don't. Just don't dump on others who feel the need to vent. You're judging me for judging!! LOL

My sister in law didn't breastfeed because "she's not that kind of person" oy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So must I now go into a diatribe about how our society sucks and we need to change it, or can we all agree that expressions of said societal evil are enraging?

Am I at least allowed to vent about my cousin who told me that she wasn't able to breastfeed and when she saw that no I didn't judge her, I said it can be difficult especially when you don't have the support, she admitted that she just didn't want to because she thought she would want to party and leave the baby home? She felt guilty! Why? Because she should. That was purely selfish. What gets me angry about it? Not that she lied, but that she lied about not being able to. Her milk came in after 3 days. That made me want to shreik! The more women hear that others "just cant" the more they think they won't be able to and don't try. I'm not advocating lying about breastfeeding- It's not easy to etabslish a breastfeeding relationship and I tell people that! But don't make it out to be even harder! Argh!

Did I judge her to her face and make her feel bad? Nope. Just the opposite. I gave her the space to deal with the guilt she felt when she saw me nursing. Did I judge her in my head? Yep. Should I have a place to vent? Yep. This is it.

Don't feel the need to vent on topic? Don't post in this thread.
 
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