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It looks like we may have to consider this after all. It is nearly impossible to get him to get up in the morning and to take his meds. He hates us and I am at the end of my sanity. I know there was a mom on here that used to be involved with this system. Can you please give me some more information regarding your personal experience. PLease noone flame me for this. It is the most horrible things to have to consider doing something like this with your child and I really can't take any bad comments. I can barely see the screen through my tears.<br><br>
Here are a few of my questions:<br><br>
If I put him in the "system", will he still be my son or am I handing him over and placing my parenting role in the hands of others?<br><br>
HOw hard is it to get out of the system if I do this?<br><br>
What involvement am I allowing CPS in my family by placing my son in this?<br><br>
Does is really help them?<br><br>
Will he be able to get treatments that aren't covered by Medicaid (neurofeedback)?<br><br>
Can he still get the SSI to pay for treatments that Medicaid doesn't cover do they cut that off if he is in foster care? (If they pay it to the family that has him and they pay for the treatments that is an option too)
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Have you considered trying for inpaitent care first? I knew a child that that really helped for.<br><br>
good luck.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7991894"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Have you considered trying for inpaitent care first? I knew a child that that really helped for.<br><br>
good luck.<br><br>
-Angela</div>
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The closest inpatient care that I have found and is covered by his medical insurance is 6 hours away. We wouldnt' be able to be a part of the treatment and we would be right back in the same situation when he came home. I have been looking for residential treatments and hospitals but the only one I found isn't covered by the insurance he has. I am desperate and don't know where to turn anymore.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kirk_heidi</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7991456"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It looks like we may have to consider this after all. It is nearly impossible to get him to get up in the morning and to take his meds. He hates us and I am at the end of my sanity. I know there was a mom on here that used to be involved with this system. Can you please give me some more information regarding your personal experience. PLease noone flame me for this. It is the most horrible things to have to consider doing something like this with your child and I really can't take any bad comments. I can barely see the screen through my tears.<br><br>
Here are a few of my questions:<br><br>
If I put him in the "system", will he still be my son or am I handing him over and placing my parenting role in the hands of others?<br><br>
HOw hard is it to get out of the system if I do this?<br><br>
What involvement am I allowing CPS in my family by placing my son in this?<br><br>
Does is really help them?<br><br>
Will he be able to get treatments that aren't covered by Medicaid (neurofeedback)?<br><br>
Can he still get the SSI to pay for treatments that Medicaid doesn't cover do they cut that off if he is in foster care? (If they pay it to the family that has him and they pay for the treatments that is an option too)</div>
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Hi, Heidi:<br><br>
First, a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> .<br><br>
A very good friend of mine put her son in therapeutic foster care. She was struggling alone as her husband left and did not stay in contact with her or their children. I helped her with a lot of the paperwork and went to some of the appointments. I may not have the complete picture (not being the mom in the situation and having it occur many years ago now), but I wanted to give you some information.<br><br>
Her son had to be put "in the system" and in the custody of CPS. That was non-negotiable. But there were meetings before and after surrendering custody in which the SW discussed what arrangements she wanted. She was able to meet the foster family before placement and was told that her opinion would be given great weight (but it was understood that she did not have true veto power and this was true for nearly all the decisions). She also was able to visit the foster family's home and see where her son would stay, what accomodations they had made for him (he has physical as well as cognitive and emotional problems). She met many times with the SW and treatment team to talk about short-term goals for therapeutic foster care (TFC), which covered the first few weeks. After that period of time ended, she also was involved in determining long-term goals and in evaluating the situation up to that point.<br><br>
One point of stress to her was the therapy team. She had worked hard to find her son a group of therapists and doctors whom she trusted. It first appeared that some of these roles would be reassigned and that she might not have as much of a say about the new team. This was unacceptable to her, but it turned out to be a non-issue. Her son's team remained the same. In fact, after evaluating his routine and schedules, it was decided that no changes of any substance would be made. This was a relief to her, but she knew it could have turned out differently.<br><br>
The CPS did evaluate her, her relationship with her son and her other child, her household, etc. before placement. They also talked with members of her son's treatment team, and a large part of the discussion centered around her relationship with her son. Initially, this was very painful to her. She also was embarassed at first and concerned that others would think CPS was called because of some sort of shortcomings on her part. But several members of his treatment team had dealt with TFC before and understood what was happening. This all, however, was very difficult for her.<br><br>
In terms of how hard it would have been to pull him out of the system prematurally, I'm not sure. I know that there was an initial period (I'm blanking here, but I think it was 3 weeks) that covered the first round of planning, and she would not have been able to cancel the plans during this period. She agreed to longer-term placement after this and pulling him out of the system was not an issue, so I'm not sure about after this initial period, sorry.<br><br>
You asked "Did it really help", and the answer, in her mind, was yes. I think it was hard for her to come to this conclusion. But he really did thrive, as did his sister still at home. I went with her to several planned visits (a visitation plan was drawn up early on, and extended family and friends were allowed), and I could see the positive changes in him almost immediately.<br><br>
I'm not sure about therapy not covered by Medicaid, but I know he recieved his SSI check while in TFC. But part of that covered the payment to the foster family.<br><br>
Sorry this is a bit incomplete. Hopefully, others with more first-hand experience will respond and give you better answers. But I wanted to give you as much info as I could remember.<br><br>
I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult period. I know my friend had reached the very end of her coping ability by the time she reached this decision. Emotionally, the first month was extremely difficult for her. But in that first month she was able to reconnect with her daughter, who had been overlooked often, and recenter herself. Her son ended up staying in TFC for six months. When he came home, the whole situation had improved: he was less angry and violent; his therapies were able to make more of an impact on him; my friend had renewed her energy, strength, and coping strategies; and her relationship with her daughter was happier. But it was a hard process to set up and go through. I know it really battered her perception of herself and her parenting ability to turn to TFC, but at that point she felt that the situation needed a drastic change.<br><br>
HTH, and all the best to you and you son. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I don't have any advice but gosh, what a hard thing to consider! I am thinking about you guys <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kirk_heidi</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7992454"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The closest inpatient care that I have found and is covered by his medical insurance is 6 hours away. We wouldnt' be able to be a part of the treatment and we would be right back in the same situation when he came home. I have been looking for residential treatments and hospitals but the only one I found isn't covered by the insurance he has. I am desperate and don't know where to turn anymore.</div>
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How difficult. Perhaps work on the insurance end and see if you can get it covered.<br><br>
good luck.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks for the hugs, suggestions and support. For now we aren't doing it but it is an option if we need it in the future. He starts neurofeedback tomorrow and he just started with a new therapist so we will pray! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I feel much better tonight.
 

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I would never flame you on this.<br><br>
My goodness. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
So sorry you are dealing with this.
 

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In my area, there are programs called "proctor care", which are, I believe, for situations much like yours. I am sorry I don't know more about exactly what that means - my understanding is that is long-term (months to years), often voluntary, therapeutic foster care, with the parents still involved. It is handled by a private agency that contracts with, and answers to, the state, but is independently run. Could you check if such a program exists in your area?<br><br>
Hugs and best wishes to you and your family.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">If I put him in the "system", will he still be my son or am I handing him over and placing my parenting role in the hands of others?<br><br>
HOw hard is it to get out of the system if I do this?<br><br>
What involvement am I allowing CPS in my family by placing my son in this?<br><br>
Does is really help them?<br><br>
Will he be able to get treatments that aren't covered by Medicaid (neurofeedback)?<br><br>
Can he still get the SSI to pay for treatments that Medicaid doesn't cover do they cut that off if he is in foster care? (If they pay it to the family that has him and they pay for the treatments that is an option too)</td>
</tr></table></div>
I worked in the forster care and CSP system for 9 years.<br><br>
i worked at a shelter for a while where we had at least 3 cases of kids who we worked with, and either sent home or to TFC at the request of the parents. and all three case (5 kids total) were a great expereince for the parents and the kids.<br><br>
a few things<br><br>
every state is differnt. keep that in mind at all times. and to a limited extent each esxpereince is differnt. based on needs, childs age and services avaiable in your excate locatation.<br><br>
1. he is still your child UNLESS you choose to sign him over to the state -- however you do not have to do that, you can just ask for help. there are services avaiable, for him and the familiy. you do not automitically loose PR to him by asking for help.<br><br>
you can also give temp custory -- in some states -- so you maintain PR but it is like giving the child to a grandparent for a while. something like this is sometimes required to allow the state care adgency (forster home, in patein care or whatever) to act on his behalf and concent to care for him.<br><br>
respite care is also avaible -- and normally a step before TFC -- whre he goes somewhere (usally TFC) for a weekend or week to give everyone a break and a new start.<br><br>
remember even kids int eh foster system pulled for abuse -- the parents still have RIGHTS till terminated by the courts for cause... they just don't have legal custody. (side note that mean little here)<br><br>
2. getting him out -- depends. if he becaomes -- or is shown to be -- a danger ot you or himself or others while in assessment or care, it could get more diffcult. THAT is going to depend on services agreed upon.<br><br>
3. i believe the parent's insurence (whatever it was) still covered the kids while we had them, as they still had custody, you know? the kids actually in forster care are covered by parentsl insurence or state depending on $$$ of parents -- but the state has actual custrody of them. you will need to ask the SW assinged to your case about it.<br><br>
4. how much it helps is like anything -- it depends on how much the family puts into it -- and depending on teh age of DS how much he is willing to put into it. Sorry but that is all life.<br><br>
here is a link to a <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=657682" target="_blank">thread</a>, kinda a close situation, I posted a lot there too -- it might help to see you are not alone faceing this really tough situation.<br><br>
but the state system existe to help everyone --
 

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how tough <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I don't know the TX equivelent, but here in CA we have "regional centers" which are for agencies that give services to people with developmental disablities, other then what comes through insurance and school districts.<br><br>
Whatever similar resource is in your area would be able to get you residential placement, even qualify you for it imediately as an emergency case. that's one of their primary offerings, and their mission is also to provide all the in-home suports posisble to avoid that if in any way it's not necesary.<br><br>
(I'm assuming he'd qualify- you didn't say the diagnosis so I have no clue really if it's relevent for your individual situation. but if it is, try this first!)<br><br><br>
edit<br><a href="http://www.texaschildrenshospital.org/Parents/TipsArticles/ArticleDisplay.aspx?aid=1578" target="_blank">http://www.texaschildrenshospital.or....aspx?aid=1578</a><br>
This is a listing of respite services in Texas. I know the article heading says "autism" but the agencies *aren't* autism specific!
 
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