[ChristusG]

I have not posted here at MDC in quite a while.....but I used to come here a lot. Life has just gotten so busy LOL! But I wanted to bring you guys a dilemma that I have.

My daughter is 2 years and 4 months old. She has been in speech therapy since she was about 22 months....so she's been in therapy for about 6 months now. At first they were thinking it could be apraxia, but now they are saying it just a delay. Actually, she's had a language explosion lately and is speaking much better than she was. Her therapist said that she's not too far behind her age level.

Well, I had been going to therapy with her and sitting in on her sessions for the past 6 months. She does wonderfully with me in there. She wants to sit with me sometimes, but for the most part she interacts with the therapist. Well, last week her therapist told me she wanted to start independent therapy with her. Which means that she does not want me in the room any longer.

My daughter did not go for that. She is a very shy and reserved child. She is not trusting of too many people. So I carried her back to the therapy room, put her down, and told her that Mommy would wait outside. She freaked out. I walked out the door and the therapist had to hold her in the room while she shut the door. She was screaming "momma!! MOMMA!!!!!!!"

Now, I dont do this to my child. I have never even left her in the nursery at church because she is afraid to stay. I never let her "cry it out" or anything like that. It nearly killed me listening to her cry in that office.

Her therapist keeps telling me that it will get better and that she NEEDS to have therapy without me. I wonder.....WHY? If she cooperates when I am in the room, then why does she need independent therapy? She has been making great progress. And she says that the whole crying thing is just my daughter trying to remain "in control" of the situation. Her therapist says that she is very stubborn and needs to know that she is not in control of everything. As for stubborn and shy, I see those as personality traits, not problems.

We had speech again yesterday, but since the therapist's helper was not there, she wanted me to stay in the room that time. Well, instead of letting my daughter stand beside the table to do therapy, she wanted her to sit in the chair. This has never been an issue before. I think that if a 2 year old is standing there cooperating, then why should she have to sit? I mean, she is two years old. So the therapist spend 25 minutes of the session trying to get her to sit down. Finally, she asked me to sit her in the chair and hold her there to show her that she was not "in control" of the situation. So I did it. My daughter cried and cried. Afterwards, when she got out of the chair, the therapist told me not to hug her just because she is crying.

I'm not really sure of what to think about this whole situation. I am a very loving mother. I hug my kid. I love her. She sleeps in my bed. I dont like seeing her cry for nothing.

On a side note, we really do like her therapist. And for the past 6 months she has been great. My daughter also likes her.....just not enough to stay alone with her. But last week the therapist switched everything up on us for some reason.

In my opinion, my daughter trusts who she needs to trust. Me, my husband, her grandparents, and her two aunts. She will go to their house and stay with them with no problem. A two year old trusts those who love them and provide for their needs, right? Why should she trust her therapist and want to stay alone with her?

I guess I just want some advice. She has therapy again tomorrow and I need to decide how to address the sitiuation. I dont know if I am taking the situation the wrong way or if I'm just being oversensitive about it. Does anyone have any input?

 

[Jaydens_mom]

why is she in therapy? because you felt she wasn't speaking fast enough for you?

all kids develop speach at different ages... as long as you are trying at home there is NO need for a 22 month old to be going to therapy.

by the way, a speach therapist WILL tell you there is a problem and you need thier services even if there isn't a problem.. its how they make thier money.

 

[ChristusG]

I just wanted what was best for my child. I could tell that she was behind in speaking for her age. I had her evaluated by the state. They are the ones who decided that she did, in fact, qualify for therapy because of her delay. They would not have told me that if they didnt think she needed it. They are the ones paying for it, so they are not going to accept just anyone. But I'm just not sure about the current situation that therapy has seemed to turn into lately.

 

[Jaydens_mom]

Yes but she is ONLY 2.
she wasn't actually BEHIND at all.
LOTS of children don't start talking till they are 2 .. 2 1/2 even 3 for some...
My son didn't even say MOMMA / MOMMY etc until he was 2..
now he at 2 1/2 talks up a storm..
They learn FAST..

I could understand if she was 3-4 and wasn't even talking in sentences then yes, therapy would be a good option...
but 2 years old?!?! there is something wrong with whoever evaluated her.

 

[kat85]

My daughter is 28mo and now just start speaking more not like others but a little. But when she was 2 she didnt say up t0 40 words like they dr. said but they never said she should go to speech therapy. I think long as your child can understand what you are saying to her and can say something then she is fine. How many words does she now then before.

 

[Jaydens_mom]

also to answer your question.. i would remind the therapist that your child is 2.. not 5.
And that toddlers don't appreciate being held in place ( just like he wouldn't appreciate someone holding him still )
also mention that comforting your child when she is crying has NOTHING to do with speach therapy, and he should be keeping his opinions to himself, after all, he is getting paid whether he gives her therapy or sits by while you comfort her, so its no gouge in his wallet.

 

[leafwood]

You should definately trust your gut on this one. It sounds like the speech therapy was coming along fine with you in the room, and it actually seems as if the therapist has switched focus away from speech issues and more towards addressing other behaviors (like sitting at the table....um, she's 2....do therapy where ever the child is).

I would encourage you to continue, but if the therapist is dead set against you being part of the therapy, look for a new one. Including parents in the therapy allows for more consistency and better generalizability of the new skills. Plus, it sounds liks your child is under such stress without you that she is likely unable to focus on anything having to do with speech.

I hope you are able to work it out with the therapist since you like her. Good luck!

 

[Jaydens_mom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChristusG My daughter is 2 years and 4 months old. she's had a language explosion lately and is speaking much better than she was.

i know i cut things out.. but these are the two points that really stand out and help me stress my point.

she is 2 years and 4 months old.. and she is having a language explosion...

THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THERAPY..

Every child has a language explosion.. they store their new words up and save them untill this explosion.. where to your suprize they are saying words you don't recall even teaching them

 

[alegna]

There are reasons to have kids in speech therapy at two. Really. And it can make a HUGE difference. I think it's great that this mom is on top of that.

That said. If she's not ready to go it alone, then I'd put my foot down to the therapist. And the business of sitting in a chair? An indication to me that the therapist doesn't understand child development. I'd try to sit down with her and see if she will accomdate my wishes/demands. If not, we'd be shopping for a new therapist.

-Angela

 

[Madame Mamms]

You don't like what they are doing to her. Big huge red flag. Listen to your gut, Mama.

They don't want you in the room. UGH. That would not sit well with me. What is the point of therapy if you can't watch and continue to practice at home? It seems a little arrogant (of them, dear, not you) to think that a 25 minute session once a week is going to make a huge impact without day to day reinforcement from Mom.

The question to be answered here isn't whether or not she needs therapy. I would suggest finding a new therapist who not only respects your wishes, but also your child.

 

[LynnS6]

Find a new therapist!!!!!!

An SLP is trained in Speech and Language, they are NOT trained in parenting, and frankly, some don't have a great sense of child development outside of language development.

What she is asking is developmentally inappropriate AND it's creating such an emotional upheaval in your daughter that there is no way that she can learn.

I'm assuming you're paying for this right? (Or someone is.) So ask your therapist why it's worth so much money to get your daugther to SIT in a chair when she's comfortable and cooperating standing up.

Quote:

Her therapist keeps telling me that it will get better and that she NEEDS to have therapy without me. I wonder.....WHY? If she cooperates when I am in the room, then why does she need independent therapy?

Ask her therapist to back this up with RESEARCH studies. Ditto for her advice about being 'in control'. Your daughter doesn't have control issues, she's terrified. How on earth is teaching her about control going to help her learn language?

If your SLP can't answer these questions, find another one (or if you're working through EI request another one). To be honest, some SLPs are great at working with certain ages, but NOT good at working with others. Sounds like this one isn't great for 2 year olds.

 

[StephandOwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna There are reasons to have kids in speech therapy at two. Really. And it can make a HUGE difference. I think it's great that this mom is on top of that. That said. If she's not ready to go it alone, then I'd put my foot down to the therapist. And the business of sitting in a chair? An indication to me that the therapist doesn't understand child development. I'd try to sit down with her and see if she will accomdate my wishes/demands. If not, we'd be shopping for a new therapist. -Angela

Ditto everything.

Jaydens_mom- I call tell that you have a strong opinion on this but let me ask you something. If you feel a 2 year old NEVER needs ST, in ANY situation (which is what I gather from your post)- what about when they're 3 and only say 10 or so words? Still no therapy needed? How about at 4 and only saying 15 or 20 words? Would you suggest therapy then? Do you not realize that *if* there is a problem (and in cases of young children with delayed speech sometimes it's not a lasting problems- but sometimes it is) then early intervention and help can make a world of difference? Have you considered the social impact it has on a young child when they can't communicate with other children and/or adults? So then not only do they have a speech delay, they have a social delay. And waiting until they are 4 or 5 to help them with this will only delay them once they are in school.

To the OP- Good for you for being on top of this. Listen to your gut, it will rarely be wrong

 

[LynnS6]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaydens_mom why is she in therapy? because you felt she wasn't speaking fast enough for you? all kids develop speach at different ages... as long as you are trying at home there is NO need for a 22 month old to be going to therapy. by the way, a speach therapist WILL tell you there is a problem and you need thier services even if there isn't a problem.. its how they make thier money.

ooohhh... I don't like this tone. Do you have evidence or research to back this up? If not, please don't flame a whole profession. (And no, I'm not an SLP.)

Some children at 22 months NEED to be in Speech Therapy. A child at 22 months who doesn't "get" the idea of communication needs therapy. A child who isn't speaking at all needs therapy -- "a little bit" behind at 22 months can mean a LOT behind at age 4 or 5 - when a child NEEDS language for social interaction. Have you ever seen a child with a language disorder try to interact with peers? It's heart wrenching.

A child at 22 months who is behind on word learning is more iffy. So, yes, it is a professional call. But please be civil and acknowledge your OPINION on the matter.

 

[alegna]

Guys, go easy on Jaydens_mom- she's very new here and young and had her whole parenting world-view turned topsy turvey in the past week or so. She's learning!

-Angela

 

[daniedb]

Lots of red flags here...the main one being that you are very uncomfortable. You have given a number of reasons why you are unhappy with her decisions, and I think that no matter what WE thing, if YOU are uncomfortable, that's all you need to know. Listen to your gut, mama!

And I'm quite disturbed at hearing her analysis of your daughter's emotional and psychological needs. She's a SPEECH therapist, not a LMFT or MSW or another care provider educated in interpersonal relationships and counseling. IMO, she's WAY overstepping her boundaries by telling you the things she has about the control issues and making your daughter sit (in a chair for an hour at TWO?! Henry would be having a fit.) - I'm disturbed by her apparent misinterpretation of her role, which seems to expanded way beyond what it was intended to be.

 

[Hayes]

Tell your SPEECH therapist to focus on your daughter's SPEECH issues, not her control issues.

 

[BookGoddess]

I would trust your gut feelings. You're not comfortable with the therapist. Your daughter is clearly uncomfortable with the therapist. Please find a new speech therapist that will stick to speech therapy instead of expanding into parenting and other areas that are completely inappropriate and irrelevent to the purpose for which he/she is hired.

If you can't find another speech therapist then tell the speech therapist you have that 1) you will remain in the room (don't budge! I mean that physically and figuratively) and 2) you want her to focus on speech therapy and to keep her unsolicited advice on child rearing to herself.

 

[ChristusG]

Thank you guys SOOOOO much. I usually know to go with my gut feeling about an issue concerning my child, but it feels good to hear you guys reinforce that. I don't want therapy to be a "traumatic" experience. My daughter used to like going to therapy, but now she says she does not want to go. Probably because I have been telling her that her therapist wants her to go back by herself. Tomorrow I will tell them I am not comfortable with that.

I dont like dealing with people in the medical profession because it seems that alot of them seem to think that they know what's best for your child rather than you. And on a side note, her therapist does not even have any children.

: She is pregnant now, but she has never had to make decisions like that for her own child.

I just fear that I will walk in there tomorrow and explain my stance on the situation and they will pull out all of their medical jargon and tell me that I'm doing her a disservice by "catering to her crying" or something like that. I'm a very quiet, shy person and don't do confrontation very well LOL. I always lose my words in situations like that. Hopefully I will walk in there sounding confident because in my gut, I dont like the way they are steering our sessions.

Again, that you soooo much everyone for your words!

 

[daniedb]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayes Tell your SPEECH therapist to focus on your daughter's SPEECH issues, not her control issues.

: What I said in three paragraphs was much better said here in one sentence.

I hear ya about getting nervous and worried that you will blank on what to say, but honestly? You owe this woman nothing. Based on what you've said, it's likely that she will try to bully you into changing your mind. The good news is that you don't even have to speak to her after you explain what you need and expect for your daughter if you get flustered. While it's ideal to say the exact right thing at the exact right time, that's just not always reality. The important thing is that you do the right thing for your child, and not that you say the right thing to a woman that you do not respect anyway. Remember that in a month, or in a week, when the emotion of the confrontation has subsided, you will be able to rest in the assurance that you did the right thing for your daughter and no matter how you sounded or what you said, you did GREAT by protecting your daughter and following your instincts. Who cares what you say to the woman!

You don't have to argue or explain, you just have to state what you need and let them blather on about whatever...and just stand and smile and reiterate what you need. Drives control-issue laden people CRAZY.

Keep us updated, 'kay?

 

[Destinye]

Sounds like she is going to do much better with you in the room and would tell the speech therapist that you do not want to leave her for independent therapy until she is ready. I would not leave my DD with her in that situation it sounds too detrimental to your DD and the whole process. Or find another speech therapist if that does not work and you can find another. Does not sound like she is too understanding. My DD has always had a lot of separation anxiety and I knew she was not ready to be left alone like in a nursery or anything and now she is happy to do that occasionally when DH takes her to his Church.