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For numerous reason, I am considerring asking my middle child if she would like to go to therapy. To make along story short - she is demanding, perfectionistic, over-reacts and is hyper sensitive. I might go with her to therapy - as I am sure my reactions play a part in things, but I am having trouble not over-reacting to some of her behaviours. It is affecting our relationship. I wonder how much of this is gifted, hormonal pre-teen crap that I should ride through, and if we need therapy or not. She is not doing anything extreme, and I doubt she has anything diagnosable.<br><br>
My concern is I wonder if I am openning up our lifestyle to scrutiny if we attend therapy as USers? While anectodatal, most of the therapist I know or have heard of are somewhat conservative and believe in a "you are a paret and need to impose consequences" sort of model, and "children need to be in school for socialisation" . Sigh. I know this from the one I have seen (when she had educational testing) and from a friends experience with a therapist reaming her for not having her son in school.<br><br>
Does anyone have any experience with sending an USed child to a therapist? Were they USing friendly? How did you know this? Or did you simply say "discussion of school is off limits, and we do things in a consensual way and I need you to work with that"?<br><br>
edited to add: If I was certain she needed counselling, I would not let concerns over schooling stand in the way. I am not certain, however.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kathymuggle</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15443113"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">For numerous reason, I am considerring asking my middle child if she would like to go to therapy. To make along story short - she is demanding, perfectionistic, over-reacts and is hyper sensitive. I might go with her to therapy - as I am sure my reactions play a part in things, but I am having trouble not over-reacting to some of her behaviours. It is affecting our relationship. I wonder how much of this is gifted, hormonal pre-teen crap that I should ride through, and if we need therapy or not. She is not doing anything extreme, and I doubt she has anything diagnosable.<br><br>
My concern is I wonder if I am openning up our lifestyle to scrutiny if we attend therapy as USers? While anectodatal, most of the therapist I know or have heard of are somewhat conservative and believe in a "you are a paret and need to impose consequences" sort of model, and "children need to be in school for socialisation" . Sigh. I know this from the one I have seen (when she had educational testing) and from a friends experience with a therapist reaming her for not having her son in school.<br><br>
Does anyone have any experience with sending an USed child to a therapist? Were they USing friendly? How did you know this? Or did you simply say "discussion of school is off limits, and we do things in a consensual way and I need you to work with that"?<br><br>
edited to add: If I was certain she needed counselling, I would not let concerns over schooling stand in the way. I am not certain, however.</div>
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My DD is very similar to yours, based on your description. I've also played with the idea of therapy.<br><br>
At one point I asked a friend to informally ask her child's therapist about "homeschooling" (not even US). I was wondering whether those tendencies would be simply "explained" by homeschooling, and the solution would be public school.<br><br>
The response made me shiver. Verbatim: "Homeschooling can be great for a child, but can be disastrous. It all depends how well organised the parent is."<br><br>
I'm quite certain that US wouldn't fly well as "organised". Our implicit structure / rhythm is mostly seen as chaos by others. And I have to admit, sometimes by us as well <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I would never go to a therapist for DD unless specifically recommended by other unschoolers. Since therapists are mandated reporters, I simply wouldn't risk it, even if I were to say that discussions of school were off limits. Honestly, most adults relate to children in terms of "discussions of school". And if a therapist's understanding of school is rigid, and if a child can be seen as "behind", I think it is simply too risky. For example, DD, almost 8, reads well in Russian and English, knows a lot about marine life, but never formally studied math, and her understanding what is "healthy nutrition" does not match with the government policies, her knowledge of social studies and pop culture could be quite low, and because she is stubborn she can be perceived as "shy". I can see all kind of problems stemming from this, if a therapist is narrow minded.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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Okay, I was a therapist in my pre-mom life, so here's my perspective.<br><br>
Fit is so important when you find a therapist. A good therapist will know this, and be open to answering a lot of questions. Personally, I would put it all out on the table, and see how he or she responds. You don't want to be working with someone who isn't on the same page with you, and you are well within your rights to try and figure out that before you get started. For therapy to work, you need to be in a trusting partnership with your therapist, which is impossible if you don't trust their judgment, especially about things like what a healthy relationship between parents and children looks like. Trust your instincts and shop around until you find someone who feels right.<br><br>
I would ask around among homeschoolers/unschoolers in your area and see if there's someone folks like. Just like with other health care providers, there are often a few therapists that have a reputation for being more homeschooling/AP friendly.<br><br>
As for mandatory reporting, I wouldn't be so concerned about this. Mandatory reporting is primarily concerned with situations that are abusive--sexual or physical abuse, or extreme neglect. While it's possible that a therapist could report you for educational neglect, I would be surprised unless it was an extreme situation. For the most part, a therapist will want to work WITH you to make things better. Filing a report to CPS is generally something that only happens when a child's immediate safety is of concern. (Obviously this depends on the therapist, but I would think that before you get in too deep with someone, I'd hope you'd be able to tell whether this is someone who is really on your side. If not, they're not going to be much good to you as a therapist.)<br><br>
hth!
 

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We took our DD (6) to a therapist for anxiety and all the mix of things you described in your opening post. We unschooled last year and she has been attending a Sudbury model democratic school 3 days a week this year. We are going back to homeschooling (unschooling) next year because I think the demo school lacked so much emotional support that DD was floundering the whole time.<br><br>
We actually found a therapist we really liked. We would keep going to her if our insurance covered it and may do a few more sessions out of pocket if needed. I was very upfront with the therapist about our alternative lifestyle and she has been very non-judgmental. I am considering seeing her myself.<br><br>
She seemed to agree that DD would do best homeschooling again next year. I felt like she listened to us, didn't read into social norms, but rather took us at face value and really tailored the therapy to DD's personality and needs (DD did a lot of play therapy one on one and we did some sessions with the whole family). One of the things we have been working on is perfectionism. The therapist even took down the name of a book about perfectionism that I told her about.<br><br>
I really think it can be hit and miss with therapists, but I also know how helpful they can be. And, I think it's best to go before things get to a complete crisis point if at all possible. Sometimes it takes a few weeks to get in.<br><br>
We had a referral to a psych practice from DD's ND ped. But I still had a bunch of therapists to choose from. One of them we had tried before when DD was 4 (toilet phobias) and I didn't like his approach. I talked to one of the docs there that helps refer people to try to get the right fit. I told her what I didn't like about the other guy, what problems we were having and that I wanted someone who wasn't going to be judgmental about non-traditional schooling or homeschooling.<br><br>
Different therapists have different approaches they use as well, so you might want to ask them how they would deal with a specific problem. We did a kind of "meet and greet" over the phone, but I have heard that some do them in person as well. And if you ever have one that doesn't click, don't waste your time with them.<br><br>
I also agree with the recommendation to ask around your HS/US groups for referrals.<br><br>
Good luck with your search. If you are in my area, PM me and I'll give you the name of the person we used.
 

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have you read the book "treating explosive kids?" it's a book written for professionals but is easy enough for parents to read. the subtitle is "the collaborative problem solving approach." it's a great book for all families because it outlines a way of solving problems with allows everyone's needs to be hear and looked at.<br><br>
i would look into it before you try therapy and then try and find someone familiar with the approach.
 

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<span>I don't really have an opinion about whether you should seek therapy for her, but I'd certainly see no harm in it if you seek someone <i>outside</i> of the traditional circle - a more alternative thinker with a more realistic/holistic/spiritual perception of life. My mind is going blank as to how you'd find that world. They're everywhere on the west coast of the U.S., and I'm sure there must be some in your part of Canada as well - it's just a matter of finding that first connection. It's kind of like finding that end of thread in a spool that lets you unravel all the rest. The natural health community would be a good place to begin a search - through people involved in all aspects of that. It might not take much at all to help her find some alternatives to the more stressful habits she finds herself in. - Lillian</span>
 

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My advice? Don't force her into it. Nothing will happen if she's forced into it. Personally, I don't trust therapists, too many bad ones. I would pull her out at the first utterance of "medication", my brother took ADHD meds for a year, he was basically a zombie. He would sleep during his classes (highly understandable, in my opinion) and then sleep more at home. But, therapy can be good for some people. I'd do what everyone else suggested, talk to other homeschoolers/unschoolers in the area. See what they have to say.
 

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Thanks everyone!<br><br>
She has been doing well this last week. I do not know if it is a temporary lull, or if (as frequently happens, lol) I post about an issue and it clears up!<br><br>
I am not sure how to move forward at this point. I may research vegetarian groups or even UU churches (which have youth groups) to see if finding more like minded people for her(we live in a boring conservative town, and she is neither) will help.<br><br>
No worries, Crayola, there will be no forcing. I am not even sure if she needs it, but I know it will not work unless she wants to go.<br><br>
Kathy
 

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Honestly, we made more progress in our family with homeopathy. It seems that in therapy you end up dancing with your problem rather than letting it move through you. Homeopathy does cost a bit but if you factor in all the co-pays you pay with therapy, you'll actually save money in the long run and she'll heal at the deepest level, one which therapy will never touch (being that we are talking energetic), no matter how good the therapist is.
 

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<span>I agree about the value of homeopathy - I've found that homeopathy with the right practitioner is quite amazing - all encompassing.<br><br>
And a therapist who is well grounded and experienced in a variety of spiritual/emotional paths can really help with some practical observations and suggestions. Sure, there are lots and lots of mediocre therapists, but once in awhile you'll hear about one who really sees things in the big picture and can help in simple ways that can make a difference, much in the way an especially wise old friend can.<br><br>
Lillian<br></span>
 

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I know of a therapist who is an advocate of US and unschools her children. Her name is Naomi Aldort, the author of " Raising our children, raising ourselves", she offers phone sessions, she may be able to help your daughter.
 
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