Mothering Forum banner
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,975 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm really having to watch my 17 mo old dd near these 'older' girls. They treat her like a doll or try to take care of her. It's rather funny but scary - I'm constantly having to rescue her from them. This never happens with boys of the same age. This is what happens when we go out:

1. dd has just stepped into swimming pool. 4 yo girl marches straight up to dd and tries to pick her up.

2. dd is walking along the sidewalk with me. 4 yo girl jumps RIGHT in front of her, stopping us and leans in close and just stares at dd.

3. dd is at Mall playarea. 4 yo girl sitting in tunnel tries to capture dd.

4. dd is in shop which has a toy area for children. 4 yo girl tries to 'teach' dd her ABCs on an alphabet toy, she corners dd and tries to make her play with this toy.

dd is quite sociable but understandably gets a bit freaked by these close encounters with 4 yo girls. dd doesn't get upset, but she doesn't like to be restrained so makes frantic efforts to escape these girls who then try even harder to 'capture' her.
Is this kinda stuff happening to others? Does it happen to boys too?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
715 Posts
It happens to my 21 month old daughter expect it is more the 5 year olds who are "mothering" her. One of the neighbor girls picks her up and tries to carry her. I am still trying to figure out how to gently tell her to put her down. She also constantly tells her no. It makes my skin crawl. I try to intervene to tell this 5 yo that my DD is just curious about what she is playing with.

Two of the other girls who are 5 & 6 (and sisters) are so sweet with my daughter. They play with her and really involve her in their play. They don't tell her no and don't try to pick her up - I really like her to play with them.

The 4 yo little girl does not play nicely with my DD. Yesterday she shoved her so hard my DD fell and bashed her head on the ground - Luckily it was grass and not the sidewalk. She also bosses DD all of the time and takes toys from her.

The 4 yo boy is a doll, sweet as can be. He is not "mothering" to DD and plays well with her.

Can you tell I have strong feelings on thsi. How can I keep my DD from these neighborhood bullies??? All of the aformentioned kids play together so I try to really monitor their play while still giving DD a chance to assert herself.

JoyfulMomma
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,671 Posts
No advice but I know how you feel - my neighbor's 8 year old granddaughter treats Cole this way, like he's a pet or a plaything and not a real person. The little 4 yr. old girl across the street did the same thing, until she moved. I don't know what it is - maybe they need to feel powerful over someone, or they are trying to be motherly, who knows. I have to keep telling the 8 year old that he is not a toy and stop treating him like one! She has gotten a little better but she still does it. It is aggravating!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,138 Posts
This just happened to me today! I met my aunt and my two-year-old at the playground where he was being bossed around by some older girls (maybe 7 or 8 years old) -- he loves it, but while he was in the swing one of them was pushing him by running all the way beneath him and out the front, you know? I don't tend to be overprotective (I think) but he looked like he was not too far from being dumped out right on his head. I don't know what to do about this either.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,929 Posts
Oh yeah! What until your daughters get in 2nd grade with these type girls!

I'm just kidding! I love 'em.

Girls just love to mother. It's ingrained in them!

I used to hang around a mom with a dd like this. I just carried my baby constantly so this little girl couldn't get her paws on her.

I do enjoy older "little" girls around toddlers, it's fun. The problem I have is when they disregard safety etc like picking them up. It stinks to watch a 4 or 5 year old try and pick up your 6 week old! AAAHHH!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,389 Posts
wow, yes, add me to the list. i always presumed it would be little girls that would play best with my dd, 22 months old. but time and time and time again, the gentlest, sweetest, best times (for both of us) have been with the little boys she's played with. there was a little guy in the thrift store the other day that was absolutely a peach. he was great with her, and sweet and funny, and i wanted to hug on him for being such a peach! flip side, we go to the bookstore later in the day, little girl, just turned four, walks up and picks her up!!!?!! and trys to sit her down on a bench! dd was clearly annoyed, and after saying "no" to her, and not getting results she pushed her off with a slap, at which point i jumped in and had to physically remove this child's arms from around my dd. she totally ignored both her dad and myself telling her to put maya down. omg. the whole time we were there. it's no big deal to ask a child not to do something like that if you approach the child as if they were one of yours. usually they'll listen too. (i think the little one i just mentioned was just an exceptionally spirited child, so she totally ignored me
)

i get a clenched stomach when dd's playing and having fun and a 4 to 6,7 year old girl comes over. i'm thinking "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GO AWAY SHE"S NOT A BABY DOLL!!"

it's awful. i'm wondering why the descrepancy. seriously, why are the little girls rough and forceful and the little boys are really sweet and gentle and fun? about 90% of the time this has been my own experience. we've met gentle and fun little girls that maya's had a great time with, but it's rare. maybe the social messages little girls are fed, princesses and mommies and such are what girls are and boys get to be all the other cool stuff. maybe they are just doing what they think they should be doing, when all they really want to do is go play with the train table but they don't know how to play trains b/c they arent encouraged or allowed to.

ramble ramble, sorry, it's laaaaaaaaate. i'm tired.......
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,975 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
ok so it's not just this age group of girls in my area or the fact that my dd looks like a little doll


Seriously it's happening to us so often, I've developed '4 yo girl radar' - you know hmmm, 4 yo girl in vicinity, 4 yo girl approaching, uh oh too close, what's THIS ONE gonna do????

Erin, I never wondered so much WHY these older girls do it, more so why don't boys do it too. But reading these replies, it started me thinking. I guess in general girl play revolves more around relationships and people than around train sets. But at this age, these girls don't have the social skills. I mean you don't need to 'force' your train to go around the tracks. It doesn't say 'no' and try to run away.

The mother in my No. 2 example "dd is walking along the sidewalk with me. 4 yo girl jumps RIGHT in front of her, stopping us and leans in close and just stares at dd." responded very well I thought. She said to her daughter, "(name), are you trying to start a conversation" or something like that. And she suggested she TALK, not just stand in dd's way, block her and stare.

I must admit I feel a bit awkward with these girls sometimes. They're not trying to hurt dd, but sometimes they don't listen to you asking them to let your toddler go. I don't like physically having to remove them from my toddler. I've never had any problems with the other mothers, it's just, having the younger child, I'm usually the first on the scene.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,211 Posts
nak

I hear ya on this one. I work in an infant room at a daycare with my petite 13 month old son. At the end of the day there is my son and another little boy baby left. When the other baby's parents come to pick him up his four year old sister comes as well. Yikes! Her parents usually linger and chat with me while 'big sister' attemps to haul my child around the room. I am torn between protecting my son and being a professional early childhood educator and discussing thier son's milestones. If she's not hauling him around the room, scaring him or screeching at him--she's announcing to everyone that he stinks--even when he doesn't! I mean like---""EEEEEEEEEEW!!!! That baby STINKS!! YUCK! HE NEEDS HIS DIAPER CHANGED!!!" She's so loud my normally content son becomes frightened and starts to cry
. Her parents half heartedly intervene but she usually ignores them.

I think as soon as I see her coming from now on I will just pick up my son, and not put him down until she leaves.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top