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They asked me when baby number two would be happening!

568 Views 7 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  wordmommy
And I'm afraid I didn't react well. Today I was trying to start back into my normal life. I did play group I did children's choir (I help teach) I did my choir practice. then I picked up my daughter from the church nursery. They were all saying the oh Happy Birthdays to Reagan, and then she asked it. So now that your baby is two is number two happening soon?? Okay first its a little forward, but nothing that I would blink about normally. I mean... I'm the pastor's daughter I've been ther since I was 4, people feel they know me and so they do ask sometimes personal questions. And in my mind I was saying... say, oh yeah, probably soon. Or oh we just are enjoying our baby. But nope. My big old mouth nad my crazy brain and broken heart said"well actually we had a baby number two and we just lost that baby." and then it was one of htose moments where you can see the words traveling out of your mouth and you want to shove them back in but cant. And of course I got the dumb founded
then the oh my I'm I'm I'm so sorry, I didnt' know. And of couse she didn't know. Its not her fault. But yep... I was like oh i'm sorry I know its okay. And walked away. And now I"m upset about it, I'm upset htat I couldnt' jsut control myself, I'm upset becasue of how it made me upset,a nd I'm upset b/c my heart is still so raw. And ... I don't know. Now I'm all crabby and then we have this stupid dead squirral I think it is that somehwere in my freaking roof and it stinks and I'm just upset.
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I'm so sorry Mama. It can be hard not to say anything in situations like that, be gentle with yourself

And I hope you can get that icky squirrel taken care of soon!
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Oh bleah, yucky situation. I'm sorry that happened.

And, yes, of course she didn't know, which is why it might be best not to be saying things like that! It is a very awkward and personal question. I'm not sure there is a good answer to it, and not one that a grieving person might think of in a few seconds. I'd have probably done worse. I like your answer because it is true, and maybe she learned something, but I can also imagine it feeling like a violation that you ended up sharing something you didn't want to. I'm sorry it happened to you.
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Linda, we have had a lot of discussion here in the past about being more open about losses. Women spend so much time feeling alone after losing a baby, when in actuality they have lots of company. We just don't talk about it, we don't know who else shares this experience. Who could help us. Who we could help.

You were honest. That accomplishes a few things....someone else is now aware of your pain, and may treat you with some extra kindness, which heaven knows you deserve. She may keep you in her prayers, which may comfort you. And she might not ask such intrusive questions in such a blase way from now on. People don't realize how painful those "so when are you having kids" questions can be, and your candor may spare another woman from being in the same position you were (stabbed in the heart by casual conversation).

I'm sorry it upset you. I do admire your courage in answering honestly.

I have no advice for the squirrel, but what an obnoxious thing to have to deal with right now.

Oh, I hope this helps. If not, feel free to yell at me.
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I have always been open about my losses, yes it makes people uncomfortable but that's life.
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Even people that did know I had miscarried would say things in front of me like, "We sure do need a girl around here!" (there were about six boys born to family and friends)--including my mil. People don't understand what they haven't experienced.

You did and said NOTHING wrong. You were honest with a person who was genuinely interested in your life. Let your heart be raw...there is no timetable for grief...or for saying the "right" thing about your pain.

I'll be thinking of yhou...
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