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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
this is a spinoff of a thread i was just reading, but dh and i have been having arguments about it lately

E has a million toys (ok not really, but alot). but he wants to play with the phone, the remote control, the kleenex box, etc. DH is always taking these things away from him, saying he has "his" toys. E will throw a fit. I get so annoyed..its just a stupid bottle (closed) of lotion, or a kleenex box, or whatever.
dh always comes back with "you dont want to buy plastic for him but its ok if he gets this".
perfect example..last night E went to a book that belonged to ds2. ds2 left it on the bed. E was on the bed. i didnt say anything b/c it was a hardback and E had just gotten to it and would take him a few minutes to do any harm so i waited until ds2 got ariound to noticing and picked up his book (natural consequences anyone).
dh comes into the room and RUNS over to the bed to take the book away from him. he realizes it wasnt HIS book and relaxes but my g-d, you shoudl have seen it...i guess it woudl have meant the end of E (but i know this about dh and this thread isnt about books).
so....(sorry this is so long), ds2 gets his book, glares at me for not saying anything and then E is upset. so i give him one of my books thats on my nightstand. yes, i respect books. yes, i want E to do the same. however, he's 7 months old and this was a book that i know i will never sell so there is no real reason for me to care if E gums a bit of it.
dh goes into a tirade about how 'bad' that is for E...he could swallow a piece of paper, etc. etc.

so...who is right? wwyd???
 

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I would have redirected him to a toy that is suitable for him. There are plenty of books that I wouldn't mind my dd gnawing on the spine of, but in the end a book is a book and she doesn't know what an acceptable book to chew on is and isn't. That's how I see it, so you can take it fwiw.
 

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I think it's natural for babies to want to have things that adults have. I don't have a problem with Cameron getting into stuff (he's 6 months) as long as it doesn't have small pieces he can choke on or theres a possibility of toxicity. I don't have very many toys for him.

Right now, his two favorite toys include a battery operated keyboard my brother (who used it in a band) gave to him. It has all the different beats on it and the notes will play organ, piano, dog barks, stuff like that. It's not technically a toy at all, but he loves it. The other toy is a water bottle with the label torn off that has dried beans, rice, and corn along with beads, little tiny toys (and coinsidently, other chokeables) inside with a lid tightly screwed on. We add things from each place we go and it's VERY noisy, but he loves it. I don't panic about it, I am just careful to make sure the lid is on tight.

Jen
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
im just going to add a little information here, just to prevent any misunderstandings.

i try to co-parent with dh as much as possible (which to me, right now, simply means taking his thoughts, feelings into consideration and trying to address parenting issues he has). we both have made the decision to not circ. (well, him mostly) and WE made the decision to birth in the birth center, and we are making the decisions on the vax issue. w/ regard to the "adult" vs. "kid" toy issue, i have abided by his wishes so far (keeping the adult toys away from E), and in teh back of my mind, there is some sort of logic to what he is saying (they are battery operated and they are made of plastic, or E cant tellt he difference between a resource book and a collectible). the only exception was the other night with the book.
this comes from a book collector, SOME BOOKS IT JUST DOESNT MATTER WHAT SHAPE THEY ARE IN. just for the record, this is Stephanie Cave's What your dr. may NOT tell you about childhood vaxs. i would nver sell the book nor do i think i would ever donate it b/c well...its a useful resource.
during college, i decided that i was going to differentiate resource books from other books. my resource books were written in, highlighted, etc. other books were pristine and still are.
dh lost a friend b/c the friend underlined (in pencil) a book dh loaned him. how ridiculous!!! dh felt it was a sign of disrespect and just told the friend to keept he book (it was an $80 book). i HAD to underline my text books. its just a different way of looking at things.
and yes, ds has a lot of books. those dont seem to interest him too much!
and in the end, i think its the paretns responsibility to keep the books away from teh child. i am a collector of certain books and dh is an avid collector (that is the biggest understatement in the world..we could start a store and i actually thought of it..i tried cataloging his books and there are literally tens of thousands of them).
hope that provides some clarity. it isnt really about the book, but about the "adult" vs "baby" toy debate.
 

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Yup, dd has NO interest in any of her toys.

What she IS interrested in: the remote control, books (or anything paper-y), the telephone, the dog's chew toys, bones, and food, my flip flops, the vertical blinds,......

I've been giving her newspapers and magazines to play with--it satisfies her paper obsession and saves my books--at least most of the time
 

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I let Ranjana play with what ever she likes as long as it won't hurt her. IF she happens to mess up the edge of a book, I will treasure it even more, because ten years from now I will be able to see what her little gums could do back before she would rather hang out with her friends than me.

Regarding books though, I would give your dh a break. Some people are very particular about their books, and you just have to let them be that way. I would have been pissed too if someone put underlines in my book. It would be like someone putting a bumper sticker on your car when they borrowed it.

Ranjana's favorite toy is our keys. She would rather play with the zipper on my jacket than any of her toys. She hardly has any toys for that reason.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
this wasnt about one of dh's books. i would never allow any of my kids to disrespect one of his books and hes good at keeping them away. this was MY book.

i gave that example b/c i think frienships are mor impt than books. and it was in college and was a pencil.

nak
 

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I would say if DH is particular about his books, then I would understand his reaction. I would also have been concerned, as you mentioned, about paper being injested. But I don't think babies should have to only play with toys. Babies learn by playing, exploring, and manipulating things in their environment, both toys and non-toy items. As long as it's safe, I'd say go ahead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EVC
Yup, dd has NO interest in any of her toys.

What she IS interrested in: the remote control, books (or anything paper-y), the telephone, the dog's chew toys, bones, and food, my flip flops, the vertical blinds,......

I've been giving her newspapers and magazines to play with--it satisfies her paper obsession and saves my books--at least most of the time

Sounds like my daughter. She LOVES paper, but eats it so I have to keep it away from her. Loves the phone and remotes. Always gets into the dog's toys. She LOVES shoes, especially flip-flops. I actually bought her a cheap pair of Old Navy flip flops to chew on. DH was a bit concerned about her learning to chew on shoes, but I figured, she wanted to anyway...She loves tags. Any kind of tag. We made her a taggie pillow out of tags torn of washclothes, towels, and clothes. I would have thought she was unique if it were not for the taggies line of toys.
 

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IMO there is no right or wrong here, just two different parenting styles. Your DH has a need for "his" adult things to be kept "just so". I can respect that. I'm like that too, very protective of my things. But to me, that seems like a lot to ask of a 7-month-old to understand.

What concerns me is how he is choosing to teach this message, this need of his, to his young son. Pulling something away from him, whether it's a book or toy, is simply teaching E that it is ok to yank things from others. The only thing I would pull away (without talking about it first, or for E's age having a more suitable book/toy to replace it with) is a dangerous object (such as a knife) and even then I would do it slowly and with respect for the child's feelings.

Think of it this way, would you like it if someone ran up to you and snatched something out of your hands? Neither would a 7-month-old or 7-year old... If I were in your shoes, I'd talk with DH about your concerns and talk with your older children. Tell them that babies love to explore - that's how they learn, by tasting/touching, etc. - and that if they don't want their prized possessions (books or whatever) chewed on or pages ripped out, they have to learn to put it out of E's reach.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
i know so many things get overlooked in posts, but just so we are clear..these are not dh's books we are talking about. the ONE book i allowed ds to "gum" basically was MINE. and ds2, as far as i was concerned, needs to learn to keep his toys away from baby. ds2 was not an issue. dh's things were not an issue.
the only issue was the dispute as to whether i should limit ds3 to "his" toys b/c well..the rest of our house is not for play.
: im just wondering how others feel about that b/c mostly, i dont carry toys with me when i go anywhere (mostly).
and i do keep a fake remote control for him to play with (thanks for that hint Geofizz!) and the phone..well, we have CHEAP phones and i guess i just dont care but my ds2 has an old cellphone, so i guess i could let him play with that.
dh is always saying "what if he hits himself with it". he actually tried to keep the box from under the nile (the one with the veggies) away from him... i just dont know if that is a wise move or not. this is my ds3 and thus far, no one has been seriously damaged by playign with these things.
 

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I do understand that since you have valuable books in your home, your DH wants to make it clear that ALL books are to be respected and not played with. So in your particular situation there are other considerations. Maybe you can compromise that E can't play with books but he can play with remotes?

But in homes where the books are just the $7 paperbacks, I don't see a problem. Although I do hate it when my bookmark gets pulled out. And I watch to make sure there's no chewing because of ingesting paper and most books are from the library around here. I think it's natural for babies to want to use things they see us using. I just let him play with most things most of the time. I watch very carefully while he plays with the phone so he doesn't call anyone. He just likes to hear the dial tone on speaker phone and knows which button it is
And I switch the remote to a different setting so he can play w/out mucking up our shows. He likes my leftover yarn and measuring tapes and that's okay, but I take away my knitting needles and the kids pencils. He loves empty water bottles and the boys sippy cups. He likes food wrappers I just make sure there's no food left on it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by luv2eatamango
IMO there is no right or wrong here, just two different parenting styles. Your DH has a need for "his" adult things to be kept "just so". I can respect that. I'm like that too, very protective of my things. But to me, that seems like a lot to ask of a 7-month-old to understand.

What concerns me is how he is choosing to teach this message, this need of his, to his young son. Pulling something away from him, whether it's a book or toy, is simply teaching E that it is ok to yank things from others. The only thing I would pull away (without talking about it first, or for E's age having a more suitable book/toy to replace it with) is a dangerous object (such as a knife) and even then I would do it slowly and with respect for the child's feelings.

Think of it this way, would you like it if someone ran up to you and snatched something out of your hands? Neither would a 7-month-old or 7-year old... If I were in your shoes, I'd talk with DH about your concerns and talk with your older children. Tell them that babies love to explore - that's how they learn, by tasting/touching, etc. - and that if they don't want their prized possessions (books or whatever) chewed on or pages ripped out, they have to learn to put it out of E's reach.
thank you. this is along the lines that i am concerned with. he will inevitably take whatever it is out of his hands (i shouldnt have given the book example..that just complicated things) and then the baby is left to scream! if you put something else in front of him, he usually continues to scream. granted, this isnt often b/c dh isnt home that much but it happens on the weekends and it just KILLS me to hear my baby cry. esp. if i think there is no reason for it, kwim?
 

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DS has very few toys...I put an old phone, a mirror, and some other random items in his one little toy basket for him to access. He loves remotes and paper and everything. I have no problem with him exploring his environment and the things in it. If it's something that is not safe for him (too small) I'll take it awa y and explain, sorry buddy it's danger; If it's something that I'd rather him not put in his mouth (paper, lotion bottles, books, etc) then I'll tell him "not in your mouth please Hunter. You can shake it baby shake it, but not in your mouth" (the shake it baby shake it thing is the begining of a song I sing when he shakes things, so basically I encourage him to do soemthing else with the object than mouth it...tap it, shake it, etc.)

He gets 3 chances, then I take the item away and remind him that it's not supposed to go in his mouth.

DH has caught onto this too- he actually slapped DS's hand the first time he went to grab for something. I let him know that that was NOT okay, and gave him another way to deal with things. He really has gotten a lot better with dealing with our little guy. I think he just didn't know what else to do, but was willing to try other suggestions....almost like he didn't even consider there was an alternative, but since being offered one he uses it.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by wirewendy
IF she happens to mess up the edge of a book, I will treasure it even more, because ten years from now I will be able to see what her little gums could do back before she would rather hang out with her friends than me.
Wow, this book lover is gonna remember that one! (i'm the kind of book lover who feels your books are more LOVED when they are worn, bended, underlined and scribbled thoughts in them. That being said, I have paperbacks, not collectibles!)
 

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My dd sounds just like your baby! What I have done is I put a few things in each room that she can explore. They are at her level. I moved most of the off limits stuff to higher shelves. For instance, in our home office, there are a few low shelves with old magazines, an old cell phone, an old remote control, an empty water bottle, all sorts of things dd likes to play with. So when we are in the office, she has something to do. I do this in every room. She has a shelf or a drawer or a bucket of "stuff". There are some toys, but mostly random house stuff. It's dd's home too, so I want her to be able to explore. I let her go in all the drawers, etc. I just monitor her. So today, when she was in the spice drawer, I just watched to make sure nothing went in the mouth, etc. I think it's really important for babies to have lots of different things to explore. I can see where your dh is coming from, but I agree with the pp who talked about grabbing the book. I would encourage the rest of the family to put their special things out of reach. That way there's no worries.
 

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Some of my dd favorites playthings now are the remote control, my cell phone with a leather case great for chewing, and those soft water toys that squirt water and paper- all good for chewing on!
At 6 mths she is very interested in whatever I (or dad or grandma) is holding. She is curious to hold new things so most of her new "toys" are adult objects.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
things that are "out of bounds" (in my head anyway) are already "up" and out of the way. I trained myself 15 years ago to keep things that could get broken or damaged placed high. granted, I have relaxed this in the last 8 years, but still most things that can be damaged are put away.

dh continues to state that the things i give him are "bad" for him...such as the remote, etc. And that he can hurt himself with them (he tends, like all babies, to flail around). I see that as a potential, but not a signficiant problem. and i think if he hits himself with it, he will learn not to do that again. he is 7.5 months old. this isnt a 2 month old i am expecting to accept a whack on the head with the r/c b/c he doenst know any better.

i just needed a perspective from "natural" mamas..if you worry about all the crap in our household stuff that you wont' allow your baby to play with it. I would love if our stuff didnt hvae chemicals in it but it does....but i cant protect my son from absolutely everything and yes, some of his toys are plastic, so whats the difference, kwim??
 
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