[Satori]

We've had several threads about the upside of single parenting, now how about one about the things that suck about it.

1) Never getting a freaking break from caring from your child, even when your about to go nuclear.

2) Not getting to sleep in or take a nap because your child will probably burn down the house or some other heinous act.

 

[guerrillamama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Satori 2) Not getting to sleep in or take a nap because your child will probably burn down the house or some other heinous act.

Yeah, that.

Not having anyone to talk to a lot of times. "Hi honey, how was your day," that kind of thing would be nice. (Of course, at times when I did have a partner I didn't always get that...)

Lack of background noise. It woudl be nice if there was someone puttering around the kitchen right now, or sitting on the couch reading a book, kwim?

Always having to cook. When is ds going to start making dinner from time to time? Geez!

Struggling with huge bags of groceries and a stroller up the stairs.

 

[Seasons]

When you are raging-fever, can't-get-out-of-bed sick, but you HAVE to get out -- and cook meals, and help your child use the potty, and, well, PARENT.

Poverty. Getting "options" like: (1) stay in school forever and "live" off grants and loans, (2) ignore your desire to SAHM and try to work, despite being unable to work past 5 (daycare schedule), or whenyour child is sick, so you get fired in favor of a more "reliable" employee.

The price of dating. The emotional issues, ugh, the expectations that we leave our super-momness at the door when we go out in order to focus on some infant in a man's body, and paying exorbitant babysitter rates for the privilege of deciding we prefer our own/child's company.

Knowing the contents of all the Christmas presents because *we* made/bought and wrapped them all, for our child. Nothing for us.

Hearing the crappy, defensive-at-best, accusations-of-immorality-and-stupid-choices at worst, stereotypes of single moms out there.

Questioning one's own feminism: "crap, maybe it *is* worth shacking up with some guy, just for his income and a little companionship."

Hearing "I'm practically a single mom" by a married person having a bad day, and it still being illegal to strangle her.

Waking up in the wet spot. And I mean the "doggone diaper slipped again" kind, not the *good* kind of wet spot.

 

[mistymama]

Well for me the good definately outweighs the bad, but here are my complaints:

1. Lack of $$$ ... We were used to living on my x's income, and mine was just for fun. Now I *live* off mine and things are super tight.

2. Never, ever getting much of a break or a chance to sleep in. Or even a chance to just go out on a Friday night without having to move heaven and earth to make it happen.

3. No adult companionship on a regular basis ... I miss having *someone* (even if I hated that someone, lol) there everynight to talk to, to have some adult conversation with. I talk with my boyfriend everynight on the phone, but it's still not the same as having someone here to hang out with.

4. Having to run errands with no help, ie. having to take a tired, tantrum-prone toddler to Walmart alone because there is no other option and it *has* to be done.

AND OMG SEASONS, I'm :LOL :LOL over here about the wet spot! hahahaa sooooo true! :LOL

 

[Satori]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seasons Hearing "I'm practically a single mom" by a married person having a bad day, and it still being illegal to strangle her.

LOL! So true! When there also the sole income provider maybe i'll think about listening but until then i'll continue to feel like its a smack in the face.

 

[guerrillamama]

: ~~ wet spot!

 

[Soul-O]

Great responses so far!

Here's mine -

1. Definitely lack of $$$ - not that we had that much when I was married, but I was above the poverty level!

2. Always juggling a squirming toddler, a high needs preschooler, and some large bag or bundle on my own, with zero assistance.

3. Still having the ex in our lives even though he doesn't live with us - his presence still looms large.

 

[meco]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mistymama 2. Never, ever getting much of a break or a chance to sleep in. Or even a chance to just go out on a Friday night without having to move heaven and earth to make it happen. 3. No adult companionship on a regular basis ... I miss having *someone* (even if I hated that someone, lol) there everynight to talk to, to have some adult conversation with. I talk with my boyfriend everynight on the phone, but it's still not the same as having someone here to hang out with.

these are my 2 complaints. The rest I can live with

 

[meco]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seasons Waking up in the wet spot. And I mean the "doggone diaper slipped again" kind, not the *good* kind of wet spot.

:

oh my...

 

[girlzmommy00]

Quote:

Hearing "I'm practically a single mom" by a married person having a bad day, and it still being illegal to strangle her.

I love it! So true. I wonder if I could just kick her and run?

The hard parts are:

Getting sick. Right now my 5 year old, 2 year old and I are all pretty sick. I'm running out of food and almost out of clean laundry (live in an apt with no washer). My oldest had to fish semi-clean jeans out of the laundry pile to wear to school today.

Listening to stbx complain about having to wake up at 5:15 am a few days a week for work, after he didn't work for 13 months.

I asked when the last time was that he slept late. I told him that it was one more day than me since I haven't slept in for the past 14+ months & he needed to shut his trap.

Having to arrange for a sitter to do anything, since shopping with a highly active 2 year old doesn't work and certainly doesn't work with 2 other kids along.

No breaks. No down time. Can't even go to the bathroom with out someone calling my name and I'm the only one to help.

No free time either. I can't remember the last time I went out by myself that wasn't to a doctor's appt or the grocery store.

No other adult here. No one to hang out with or talk with.

I have to say that financially I'm better off for the most part. My income is much lower but I don't have another adult with access to my bank account to blow it all at the bar. I rarely got help or a break when he was living here, so while I don't like it, it's nothing new. Thinking more about it now, most things I said were just ignored, so there's just no adult here to pretend that they are listening.

 

[woobysma]

hhmmm...

my only two complaints would be having no one to help carry in the groceries and a complete lack of good sex.... come to think of it, those are the main reasons I stayed with my ex for so long :LOL

 

[cortsmommy]

You can't put the kid to bed and then go out somewhere cause there's no one home at night but you and the kid.

Taking a shower is a huge endeavor.

 

[boston]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seasons When you are raging-fever, can't-get-out-of-bed sick, but you HAVE to get out -- and cook meals, and help your child use the potty, and, well, PARENT. Poverty. Getting "options" like: (1) stay in school forever and "live" off grants and loans, (2) ignore your desire to SAHM and try to work, despite being unable to work past 5 (daycare schedule), or whenyour child is sick, so you get fired in favor of a more "reliable" employee. The price of dating. The emotional issues, ugh, the expectations that we leave our super-momness at the door when we go out in order to focus on some infant in a man's body, and paying exorbitant babysitter rates for the privilege of deciding we prefer our own/child's company. Knowing the contents of all the Christmas presents because *we* made/bought and wrapped them all, for our child. Nothing for us. Hearing the crappy, defensive-at-best, accusations-of-immorality-and-stupid-choices at worst, stereotypes of single moms out there. Hearing "I'm practically a single mom" by a married person having a bad day, and it still being illegal to strangle her.

I could not have said these better. Exactly. Exactly.

 

[Ahappymel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seasons Knowing the contents of all the Christmas presents because *we* made/bought and wrapped them all, for our child. Nothing for us.

You're gonna make me cry

The thing that sucks about being a single mom to me:

Just in general, having a partner to step in and help when I'm at my wit's/body's/heart's end.

Some days I swear that I just sit in the closet with the lights off for a minute so that I can collect myself...(I would never put my son in the closet, but I can put myself there!).

I usually come out when he comes a-knockin' going, "Are you okay now, Mommy?"

And I usually am after a 1 minute vacation from the world but it would be nice to have someone step in and say, "Go for a walk/take a bath/go shopping for a while, Honey...I'll take over for a while so that you can have some time to reconnect."

 

[Ahappymel]

Is it just me or is this thread making anyone else so sad????????

I like the other one (why I like being a single mom) so much better...
Maybe the holidays are just making me ultra-sensitive.

 

[Seasons]

Hmm. I'm finding it reassuring to vent and share with true *peers*, here, who really *get* what I'm going through. Most of these things we can't help each other with. But are there ways we can? Brainstorming here, and inspired by a mommy here who really moved me recently, what possible things could we (in this forum) do for each other?

--sending cards on mommies' birthdays (Superwoman cape enclosure optional), Mother's Day, holidays? (We could register our addresses with one mom here who'd act as Fairy Wrangler, or something. Even e-cards would be possible.)

--sending a quick note for divorce anniversaries or upcoming trials

--getting a "Single Mom buddy" -- maybe randomly assigned by Fairy Wrangler, or self-chosen -- and just regularly emailing or PMing her to check in, tell her she's wonderful, send photos of faraway beaches.

Doesn't seem like much, but maybe it would give us all some recognition, the feeling that somebody cares and is listening. Then again, is it too little relief for too much effort? Just an idea. Thoughts?

 

[mz_libbie22]

Yeah, this is definately depressing. But I agree that we should find helpful solutions to these problems. I really wish I knew other single mothers my age IRL. I think my #1 thing I don't like about being a single mom is being a *college age* single mom, talk about not being able to relate to ANYONE.

 

[boston]

mz libbie, that has to be really hard on this site!!!!
By the way I am not college age, but I pass for a college aged woman, and I go to college full time. It's weird.

 

[girlzmommy00]

Seasons, I think that sounds like a great idea. Sending cards for Mother's Day, birthdays, just to say hello or for those with court dates pending.

I feel like being a single mom is such a big thing that no one else can understand how huge it is with out going through it themselves. Huge with positives and negatives but certainly something that is hard to fully grasp with out having walked in those shoes.

 

[StephandOwen]

My only complaint is when you get baby fever there is absolutely nothing you can do about it

I want a lot of kids but without a husband there isn't much I can do about it. Gotta keep telling myself that I'm still young and things will work out..... eventually.