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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm going to mediation in less than a week now, I'm worried I've overlooked something important that I need to ask for. Did I miss anything? Here is my list:<br><br>
•Minimum of $50,000 settlement from our business<br>
•Full legal and physical custody of our son, with impasse decision making power in the event we cannot reach an agreement<br>
•ex to continue paying child support as ordered<br>
•ex to continue paying all tuition costs for DS as ordered<br>
•ex to get our son a health insurance policy as he was ordered to do in May<br>
•Right of first refusal<br>
•Continued random drug tests<br>
•ex to still not be allowed to bring our son to his construction sites or on heavy machinery<br>
•Temporary alimony while I earn my nursing degree<br>
•Decreased visitation for ex, ex to have maximum visitation of 2 days per week so DS can remain in my care throughout the week and visit with ex on weekends. (ex is not able to care for DS during the week and frequently leaves him with a babysitter).<br>
•One week of vacation time with DS per year<br>
•Written and notorized permission required from other parent before taking DS out of state<br>
•Holiday visitation schedules to be put in writing including Christmas, DS's birthday, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Easter, and school vacations.<br>
•No corporal punishment<br><br>
Is there anything else I need to add?
 

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I think it looks good. Though I wouldn't even offer this much, regarding: "Decreased visitation for ex, ex to have maximum visitation of 2 days per week so DS can remain in my care throughout the week and visit with ex on weekends." I'd say maximum of every OTHER weekend, which if that's "standard" in your area would appear reasonable anyway (I would think). I like that you put the right of first refusal in, so he can't leave him with the girlfriend or a babysitter. I hope you get everything you want!
 

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An agreement on how college is paid for?<br><br>
My bf has this in his agreement with his x. My x and I don't have it. I wish I would have do that.
 

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• Decreased visitation for ex, ex to have maximum visitation of 2 days per week so DS can remain in my care throughout the week and visit with ex on weekends. (ex is not able to care for DS during the week and frequently leaves him with a babysitter).<br><br><br>
Could you phrase this in a more positive way (for your ex). Cause it sounds like he might feel he's getting ripped off (he sound lovely - lol!) and if you spin it more positively, perhaps he'll be less likely to argue.<br><br>
With regard to the out-of-state thing, are you leaving yourself an out in case you want to go? (or is this covered under you having legal and physical custody?) You don't want to get stuck with him having the right to stop you from moving if you want (I really believe children should have both parents close, but I did read your last post!)<br><br>
Maybe you want to put in something about him having to pay transportation costs in the event you live in different places (so you don't have to pay - or would this twig him to your plan on moving?)<br><br>
Maybe add a "we all (including the GF - have to go to family counselling/mediation if any corporal punishment happens" - so you have an additional out should he do this.<br><br>
Wishing you the best of luck and a speedy resolution. Many hugs.
 

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I asked for the law guardian to remain dc's law guardian until the youngest was 18. X agreed, and it has become very useful. Also I would say something about the therapist remaining on until it is deemed by the therapist that ds doesn't need him/her any more.<br><br>
You should figure out a way to word all these things as positvely as possibe. If your x thinks that he is being bullied iits all over.
 

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You want the ability to move.. put it in there.<br>
EOW is standard, ask for it, get it.<br>
Also, ask for<br><br>
the medical expenses to be split by income... example he makes 80% of the combined income for support of child... he pays 80% of the uninsured medical expenses.<br><br>
Activities... again split by income. (tutors, riding lessons, club soccer, are just a few of the activities that my former and I split... club soccer is over 1K a year)<br><br>
YOU ALSO WANT 1% of his annual income paid by the 15 of April to put in a 401K every year. (most custodial parents have very little in retirement... it takes so much to raise a child)
 

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What about extra-curricular activities?<br><br>
We have it in our agreement that any 'extra things' (sports, clubs, etc.) be split based on percentage of income. So right now, my ex would have to pay 90% of the costs of anything over $100/yr.....but when I'm working it will likely be split more equitably.
 

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Keep in mind that when you enter any kind of negotiations that there is the "what you need" and "what you want" lists, but there also has to be room for movement/negotiation somewhere. If these are the things you want/need....then you might want to ask for a bit more in areas so you can agree to what looks like less, but is really what you want...and it shows you are acting in good faith by being willing to negotiate.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks for all the great tips! This list is just my personal list, so it won't be presented to ex like that. I am hoping to get standard visitation (EOW plus 3 hours on wed night) but I'll settle for 2 night a week max. I really like the idea of the 401K, I'll try for it.<br><br>
I have a pell grant to cover tuition and books but I'm asking for school expenses to be covered in my alimony in case my pell grant is taken away at any time. My lawyer suggests around $500/mo in alimony.<br><br>
I'm excited and nervous about mediation. Whatever is not settled will be ruled by a judge the first week of March. I'm not planning on us settling much in mediation, but ex would be wise to settle. Otherwise, he'll be going in front of the judge without a lawyer and I have a lawyer.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MsChatsAlot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7320727"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Then be excited, because right now you are holding more cards.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: Oh, I hope it goes well!!
 

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good luck! I would throw in a few things you are willing to negotiate on just for the heck of it, like continued percentage of business profits<br><br>
Also try to put in specific consequences for acts you don't want like corporal punishment will result in supervised visitation until completing an 8 week min parenting class, and then put in the name and location of one you like.<br><br>
Taking child out of state without permission will result in "losing the next scheduled holiday" I don't know if that's allowed but my ex just couldn't care less what the orders say. He does what he wants and then says he was confused if he gets completely shown to be in the wrong.<br><br>
one thing I wish I had were big penalties for not paying his portion of things in a timely manner<br><br>
Hope it goes well <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pranamama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7324718"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">good luck! I would throw in a few things you are willing to negotiate on just for the heck of it, like continued percentage of business profits<br><br>
Also try to put in specific consequences for acts you don't want like corporal punishment will result in supervised visitation until completing an 8 week min parenting class, and then put in the name and location of one you like.<br><br>
Taking child out of state without permission will result in "losing the next scheduled holiday" I don't know if that's allowed but my ex just couldn't care less what the orders say. He does what he wants and then says he was confused if he gets completely shown to be in the wrong.<br><br>
one thing I wish I had were big penalties for not paying his portion of things in a timely manner<br><br>
Hope it goes well <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
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Jilian, it sounds like your ex is a lot like mine, with black and white thinking and little regard for authority. What pranamama is suggesting with the consequences of his actions spelled out beforehand is a great idea. As we know from GD, it may take a while for him to "get it", but stating the consequences beforehand may help eliminate some of the BS of "oh, I forgot, got confused, looked at the calendar wrong" etc.<br><br>
As for penalties for not paying things on time, in my case, all things above CS that ex must reimburse me for (CHIP registration, co-pays, uninsured medical costs) are payable through the attorney general/CS system. A timeline is laid out for timely payment. I have a duty to get him the information of costs incurred with a certain time frame, and he has a duty to pay those costs through the AG within a certain time frame. If he skips out on a charge, he is technically in arrears. Not that that assures he will pay <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">, but it does give some leverage.<br><br>
And remember, you do not have to sign anything you are uncomfortable with. This is your mantra. And you have a much stronger position than he does if this goes before a judge. Given his history, I think it would be highly, highly unlikely that he would get a smidge above standard visitation. It could even be reduced or supervised.
 
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