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Discussion Starter #1
I am not a parent yet, as my SO does not feel ready yet, but *I* am most definitely feeling ready. I have been researching alot of topics that I know about, but have discovered that there are so many things that I didn't even know existed.<br><br>
For example, someone on another board that I belong to was talking about her birth plan. I had no clue you could write up a birth plan. Someone else is considering delayed vaccination. I had no clue that you could do this, either.<br><br>
So here are the issues/decisions that I know exist, is there anything else that you can add to the list for me to research? I am interested to learn as much as I can before we ttc, so that when baby comes, I can make more informed decisions.<br><br>
circumcision<br>
breastfeeding<br>
cloth diapering<br>
baby wearing<br>
cosleeping<br>
homeschooling<br>
birth plan<br>
delayed vaccinations (don't know anything about it yet, but I know it's possible, and I plan to read up on it)<br>
CIO<br>
Gentle Discipline (again, don't know anything about it yet, but I know it exists and I plan to read up on it)<br><br>
Thanks in advance!
 

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Discussion Starter #2
Also, I saw EC in another thread here somewhere. I haven't seen this before. What does it stand for?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>corgimom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7916878"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Also, I saw EC in another thread here somewhere. I haven't seen this before. What does it stand for?</div>
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elimination comunication <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> is when you learn your babies cues on when they "got to go" there is a sub section in the cd part........ i have done it with my dd and doing with my ds
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>corgimom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7916840"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">delayed vaccinations (don't know anything about it yet, but I know it's possible, and I plan to read up on it)</div>
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Or not vaccinating at all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
We have a great forum on it, as well as GD.<br><br>
Good for you for thinking about this stuff ahead of time.<br><br>
And godspeed.<br><br><br>
-Katherine
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>corgimom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7916840"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">circumcision</div>
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I hope you mean the decision <i><b>not</b></i> to circumcise.
 

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birth options (home birth, water birth, unassisted etc.)<br>
first foods (finger feeding, delaying grains, etc.)<br>
plastics<br>
education (your public and private schools, waldorf, montessori, unschooling, homeschooling)
 

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I don't know if you've done so or not, but you also might want to read up on preparing your body for pregnancy as well. Eliminate as much mercury from your own diet as possible, and get your gut in order: <a href="http://www.findingkate.org" target="_blank">www.findingkate.org</a> is a place to start to learn about the tremendous impact your sushi might have on your future child.<br><br>
If YOU are mercury toxic and just not aware of it, and if you have a leaky gut and don't really notice... your infant will absorb tremendous amounts of mercury from you (good way for mom to detox, one of the best, in fact... not so hot for baby, though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/crap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crap"> ).<br><br>
Learn what folic acid is, and why you want to be taking extra BEFORE TTC.<br><br>
Get your diet in order so that, by the time you get pregnant, it's a habit and you don't have to force yourself to eat properly. Exercise now will make TTC easier, as well as making your pregnancy easier. Get yourself stored up on iron, anemia during pregnancy is common and it sucks horribly- even morning sickness is less wretched than getting anemic while pregnant.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7918263"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hope you mean the decision <i><b>not</b></i> to circumcise.</div>
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Yeah, I meant that I had been reading up on the issue of circumcising verus not circumcising. Growing up, I always said that my boys would be circ'd because I thought it looked better and believed it was healthier (hey, I was very young). Then I started hearing parents talk about reasons why they chose not to circ. So I started doing reading of my own, and was on the fence for awhile. What made me 100% positive that my sons will not be circ'd was going to google and typing in "circumcision video". I watched the procedure being done. I had grown up thinking it was simple, and not a big deal. After watching, and seeing exactly what happens... I will not do that to my son(s).
 

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I would whole-heartedly second the idea of prepping your body for pregnancay. From the viewpoint <i>I take</i> I would strongly suggest you look into the weston a. price foundation and realmilk.com.<br><br>
Look it all up online. Plus there;s lots of info right here on the nutrition boars under "traditional foods".<br><br>
I only wish my family life situation had been such as yours-- the ability to plan for the future. I ignorantly found myself pregnant at 18 and had to play it all by year, only after the past few years feeling like I'm CONSCIOUSLY making decisions about my mothering.<br><br>
YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN ARE BLESSED TO HAVE A MOTHER LIKE YOU!!!!!!!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> something you can start to do is before you have kids is write a list of things you will plan on buying and you can even start buying even before you are ttc i ended up doing it with both of mine once you start pricing things it is very smart to pick up things on sale they are NEVER on sale when you need them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>littlemizflava</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7923103"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> something you can start to do is before you have kids is write a list of things you will plan on buying and you can even start buying even before you are ttc i ended up doing it with both of mine once you start pricing things it is very smart to pick up things on sale they are NEVER on sale when you need them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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I agree with part of that, but if they are not going to be TTC for many years I wouldn't pick up anything yet, except for maybe basic clothes. My dd's are 16.5 months apart and already they have come out with better models of stuff.<br><br>
This wouldn't be high up on my list, but definitely carseats. I don't mean to make it sound like it isn't important, but there really isn't a whole lot to research or decided between as there are with other issues, especially if you take it to a car seat tech to have them double check installation. The facts are pretty solid on what is safest so I'd leave that farther down on the list and concentrate on vaccines and GD first since there is SO MUCH to know and learn and the facts aren't as concrete as they are with carseats.
 

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I was thinking about this and I sort of came to the conclusion that while these are all great topics, I think for me and my husband what was most important was to come to a basic philosophy of how to approach things.<br><br>
Then we found many decisions were made easier (not all of them, but a lot). The problem with a lot of parenting stuff is that it is written in a very compelling way, and often the science is questionable or incomplete - you can almost always find a study to back something up. So we had to come up with some way to evaluate things.<br><br>
For example, we decided that our basic philosophy on kids is that unless there is something blocking them, they generally move towards growth. That meant we feel comfortable assuming that the drive towards independence, eating the right amounts at the right times, etc., "comes installed" and so our job is to support our son, not push him. (Obviously with tweaks for different situations and his personality.) We go back to this again and again when we are evaluating any advice or ideas that we come across.<br><br>
Then I read a pretty kind and thoughtful book on sleep that suggested a kind of modified CIO. But its fundamental basis was that kids *need* to sleep independently as early as possible. That didn't fit with our base idea that you pretty much have to work to STOP kids from (eventually) becoming independent so we tossed it out.<br><br>
It's also really important, for us anyway, that my husband and I don't get into the "I'm right and you're wrong" headspace. Rather than gathering evidence on sides of a debate we try to slow down, reconnect to our basic values, and go from there.<br><br>
This really helped us a lot with decisions around our daughter's medical care. I guess we learned too from that very harsh experience (she died 4 days after her birth) that in parenting you often can't control the choices you will be presented with, but you can often choose where your decisions come from, given those choices.<br><br>
Also, have LOTS of adult type fun now! See movies! Stay out late! :)<br><br>
Those are just my thoughts; I hope they aren't too off topic. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Congrats on TTC and thinking ahead. I wish I would have done more of that before I had kids! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Something I wish someone would have told me was all of the little freedoms you lose for a long time, things you wouldn't think are important like being able to take a walk alone with your SO after dinner or taking a shower that is longer than five minutes. If you're one of those people who tries to enjoy the "little things" in life, you're in for a big shock because parenting robs you of most of them. However they are replaced by other little things and most of those are better <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> But seriously- enjoy being an autonomous human being as much as you can!!!
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN ARE BLESSED TO HAVE A MOTHER LIKE YOU!!!!!!!</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
Here are a few books we read pre-baby that were very useful in forming our general philosophy of parenting--by which I mean we absorbed many useful and inspiring ideas but also found some ideas we disagreed with, both of which are important in figuring out what you want to do.<br><i>The Continuum Concept</i> by Jean Liedloff<br><i>How Children Learn</i> by John Holt<br><i>The Family Bed</i> by Tine Thevenin (sp?)<br><br>
Stick around here; it's a great place to learn and develop your ideas! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I think for me and my husband what was most important was to come to a basic philosophy of how to approach things.</td>
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I agree. It seems that a huge percentage of the problems posted about here have to do with either having different parenting philosophies than one's SO, or finding oneself in the incredibly stressful situation of having to depend on extended family for financial support but not wanting their parenting input.<br><br>
So, I'd say the two most crucial things are:<br><br>
1) Make sure your SO is on the same page as you regarding the most important decisions (whatever those are to you), and<br><br>
2) Make sure you're financially stable enough as a couple that you can live independently and avoid any feelings of obligation or indebtedness that may influence your child-rearing decisions.
 

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i think its great that you are doing all this reading and research i would just caution don't get bogged down by it either....Remember all babies are different and what works for the authors children may just not work for yours.<br><br>
Don't get so caught up in a certain style of parenting that you forget to listen to your instincts. You'll know your baby the best<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Homebirthing! And as a bonus, homebirth midwives can be such a wealth of information about community resources, infant care, etc. Mine were priceless.
 

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The PPs have given you some good advice.<br><br>
If I were you, I would get me some true hands on experience if at all possible.<br><br>
Do you have any family members with babies and young toddlers?<br><br>
If so, offer to babysit and spend the day (or 2 or 3) with them and do everything you would as if you were a Mother (change diapers, wipe butts, burp, etc).<br><br>
I say this because I had ZERO experience with Babies/Infants and Toddlers and when I gave birth the responsibility blew me away <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I didn't see it mentioned anywhere but you need to figure out if you want to work or stay home. regardless of which you choose I would recommend working out a plan that allows you to stay home. If you are going to work might as make sure youare doing it because you want to and not because you have to. When deciding if you need to don't forget to factor in all the expenses of working like childcare, higher tax bracket, gas and clothes and convinience foods, etc. . .
 
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