Mothering Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,663 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I think my BF is pregnant. We were over at their house tonight, and she didn't have a beer or glass of wine with the rest of us. I know they haven't been trying but weren't NOT trying. Anyway, I'm sure that if she is pregnant, that she didn't tell me b/c she was trying to be sensitive to my grief. But DH overheard her other girlfriend saying something like "I'm so excited . . . " and then they got very quiet. I just know she's pregnant and am really hurt that she didn't tell me.<br><br>
It's really just been an awful day.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
750 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
It's tough, but I do think that you need to look at the bright side. Your friend cares about you and is <i>trying</i> to be considerate - I know its tough.<br><br>
I've found that people are either walking on egg shells around me or have no f#*&ing clue and stomp on my heart, but for my sanity I've had to really <i>try</i> and not take any of it. I've got enough of my own issues right now, I cannot process much more than that, you know?<br><br>
Notice the thread with trying, this isn't easy for anyone. The word miscarriage is still whispered and ignored and all we can do is try to muddle through the darkness. There is no set right thing to do, say, or feel.<br><br>
If you can, let your bf know that you know and let her know that while you're still in pain that you are happy for her. Be honest with her, let her know that you'll have to play it all by ear, and anything else your heart feels.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s Its hard. It all sucks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,638 Posts
I'm sorry Karen. I am sure she is just trying to save you pain.<br><br>
Do yu feel like you could tell her that exclsuing you makes you feel worse? I agree with what Jaclyn said above.<br><br>
Big hugs honey.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
998 Posts
i'm sorry, Kimberly. I'm glad you have a friend that cares about your feelings, but i know how frustrating it can be when you feel like everyone around you thinks you can't handle someone else's happiness. i have a great friend who is due with her first in June, and I'm really happy for her and told her to please tell me how she's doing, keep me updated, but i will admit that anytime she does, it is kind of hard to hear. It's getting a little easier with time and repetition. I hope you can talk with your friend soon and get things out in the open.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,017 Posts
I'm really sorry <b>Kimberly</b>. Perhaps you can ask her about how she's feeling and that you noticed that she didn't have a drink.... and does she have some news that you both can be excited about together?<br><br>
I'm sure she is trying to save your feelings - and it might be a relief for her to be able to share her joy with you. Big hugs as I'm sure that you have a lot of conflicting feelings right now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
954 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Kimberly<br>
I do think your friend is trying to be sensitive to you.<br>
This is a hard place to be in. Love and healing to you....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,801 Posts
Hugs to you Kimberly. I have been where you are & in fact I am there right now. In my experience WE are just so raw after our loss.<br>
You friend is being dear to you. Think how you might feel if she did not think about your feelings and they openly celebrated in front of you???? That would hurt too...right? She also is in a hard place, but sounds like she is kind & thinking of you<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> A GOOD friend<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
I hurt with you. As so many others here do too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,054 Posts
Sounds as though you have a good friend. Hope you are able to approach her about this . . . just be honest with her and tell her that either way this will be difficult for you, and that you feel worse being left out.<br><br>
A good friend was just pregnant, about 3 weeks behind me last fall. Neither of us had told the other, but when i miscarried and told her I just knew that she must be because she immediately grabbed her belly protectively and then hugged me and told me how sorry she was to hear the news. I told her because I wanted her to know why I was acting so strangely, and why i would most likely be leaving her house a bit early that night . . .I was trying to do "normal" things at a time when absolutely nothing is normal. Crazy. Anyway, about 2 months later she officially let friends and family know about her pregnancy, and was very apologetic when she told me. Sweet, but I told her that my loss in no way made me less happy for her joy -envious, but no less happy. The thing is, I did resent all pregnant people for a long time . . .but I wasn't mad at *them*, just sad not to be one of them and angry at the universe for taking *my* baby and leaving them theirs.<br><br>
Ugly thoughts and feelings, but very real. I hope this helps . . this glimpse into the awfulness that we here have all lived.<br><br>
Take care.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,810 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I am so sorry! I think she is just trying to be sensitive to your feelings and doesn't really know what would be best.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,663 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I know. I know. DH & I were talking today about how we'd have handled it if the shoe were on the other foot. OTOH, he & I might just be inferring something that isn't even there. Regardless, it's not something that I'll let be a stressor for our friendship, ya know.<br><br>
Thank you all for your kind and wise responses.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
536 Posts
I am so sorry. It is hard to deal with either way. I am so sorry. I think your friend was trying to be sensitive to your loss. I know if I had a friend that was pregnant right now, I would still rather not know about it, or be told about it. When my sister told me that she might be pregnant, I couldnt even talk to her, I had to make up an excuse to get off the phone. Not that I wouldnt be happy for her, but I guess I am a bit selfish right now, and feel really sad and jealous that it isnt me.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top