[BoobieMilk]

Thanks for the replies. Sorry, but I think it's best if I delete this post.

 

[TAC]

If you stay with a guy for convenience, eventually you will come to regret it. There is no reason you can't remain friendly. Many people on this board have managed to achieve it. You can stay and still require his help but not be his girlfriend. Otherwise you will break up eventually. Sounds like you procrastinate and this will come around sooner or later.

 

[BelovedK]

Boobiemilk, first of all

I know firsthand what it's like to be in self inflicted limbo, it sucks, and takes alot of energy to get out of it.

I wouldn't recommend staying out of convenience, you would be unhappy and resentful. I would say, get to the bottom of why you are so unhappy. Are you bored?, did you fall out of love? Remember, love changes over time, it is not always exciting or fun.

Could you become more independant within the relationship? Learn to drive, start to work in the home~find a way to make some money and start now, before you leave your guy.

I'm not saying not to leave, I just think you need to step back and put some thought into why you are so unhappy. Have you just outgrown the relationship? Those are all valid reasons to move on. You need to be happy. Do you think you might be depressed and that is coloring your judgement? Of course the depression could be from staying in limbo...only you know, even if it is buried deep inside of you.

Lastly, if you leave I would DEFINATELY go for child support. It is not for you, but for the kids. They deserve it. Try to put the fear from your mind, it will all work out. trust your gut, best of luck.

We are a supportive bunch, come here often for the support you need,

Kelly

 

[**guest**]

Just want to add something... If you leave and go on public assistance, they will automatically go after the father for child support.
Also, the father will not be able to sign off his rights as a father (if that was what you were hoping for) unless another person is willing to adopt the child and take his place. It really stinks.
Having said that, I want to say leave if you truly do not the man. But, before you leave, make sure you have looked into assistance and where you will live, etc.
I ended up homeless and you do NOT want to do that...especially with a child.

Hugs to you.

 

[Metasequoia]

I have to disagree with the PP above - I am a single mama with 3 kiddos (same daddy) & we do not go through the courts & the kids & I get medical assistance through the state. It is called "Voluntary Support." Each time I reapply for benefits, I include a letter that I have typed up, stating how much my ex gives me & then he signs his name.

There has never been any question & he has never been contacted about any of it, even though his phone # is always typed below his siggy.

Hugs boobie, I am in a hurry, but I can really relate to your post (we are in a very similar situation) - I'll try to get back here later today.

 

[kathleenE]

First of all, ((((HUGS)))) to you. And it's kind of funny; my kids called nursing "Boobie"; so I have all these memories of my boys crying "boooooobie, boooooooobie", whenever they got hurt or got a boo boo or whatever.

I've been where you are, except that the man in question was my husband and we had 3 kids together. And I have lived and struggled with clinical depression for 22 years, but have had medication and therapy, and have been a highly functioning working mom, despite all my problems. You can too! It sounds to me like you don't even like the person you are in this relationship, and that you want to make some positive changes. Can you discuss with your guy the idea of separating? Is he reasonable; does he know you feel this way? If not, tell him! That would be the first step. But you need to become more independent, with or without the guy. He needs to know you want that. You might not have SAD if you lived in New Mexico or something. Or in the Central Valley of California, where it's actually affordable to live because it's so hot half the year. Just decide on a first step, and take it. I have to do that today, myself. I have a whole household to move in one week; and I have to pack the first box. So choose one box, and pack it! Just make one foot go in front of the other. If you can't, seek help! Do you have a really supportive therapist? There are so many ways to find help. It is so hard, but since you really have the will, you will find a way! Keep us posted. Your posting really touched my heart.

 

[wemoon]

Do you know why you want to leave him? I'm hearing all the reasons to stay with him and not why you want to leave, so it makes it kinda hard to know what to say.

 

[cheyennemama]

I ditto BelovedK. You should look into therapy- for both you and you/partner. Even if you do decide to split up, you could probably use some analysis of your situation. What's the harm in trying to work on your relationship while you also think about being self-sufficient? Even if you split up from him, you still need to have a relationship with him forever.

What would he think of you and your baby moving FAR away. Is this even a possibility or would he try to stop you? I just think you guys could use an impartial person to help you and your partner either work things out or make your transition towards the rest of your life easier.

 

[mama40]

Hm...I guess if there's no emergency/abuse, I would suggest putting horse before cart, and getting your own life stable/secure before doing something that can make your life --and your child's -- much, much harder. And do some research, and talk to a lawyer. What are the odds that he'd end up with custody? Or fight you for it?

What do the therapists say?