[Ex Libris]

Hi everyone,
After reading Raising Cain, I'm seriously considering hs'ing my 5 yo son. Before he was even born I had planned to hs, but I've found over time that I really would like to have time for myself to pursue my own interests. I'm an introvert who needs alone time (not a lot, but some every day), and my son is a very spirited, high-needs kid with medical problems (that can translate into sleep and behavioral problems). Frankly, the last 5 years have kind of kicked my butt. I don't think he would thrive in school--he's too active and high energy even for a private school with small class sizes--but I'm not sure I have the energy to have him home all day every day.

Is there a way to hs and still have a life for myself? What would that look like?

I'd appreciate any advice or resources you can offer. Thanks, Kelly

 

[earthmama369]

I'm finding that homeschooling doesn't really change how much we do in a day, it just changes what we do. So I'm still working with the same basic time frame of free time vs. time dedicated to focusing on the kids. Now, if you don't have any time to yourself right now, that's a different issue. Granted, I'm not a very structured homeschooler, more of an eclectic homeschooler/unschooler, so I can flex things relatively easily when I need to. Maybe that would be a good approach for your family, too?

 

[pageta]

I am an introvert too and I have found being a SAHM a lot easier now that we're homeschooling. It gives me constructive ideas of what to do with the kids, and I choose things to do with them that I enjoy too. So I would say, if he's been a challenge this far, homeschooling would make it easier.

 

[briansmama]

I have found that the time I spend 1 on 1 with my 5yo ds is enjoyable and amounts to maybe an hour every day. Compare that to our neighbors who have to help their child (and often encourge, bribe, struggle, and fight with them) to get through the daily homework (worksheets) they bring home from school, and our day looks and feels MUCH easier.

I too need downtime to myself. My ds is very social and needs a lot of attention, but we have established a great rhythm. We do a lot together in the mornings, but every day after lunch, we have a few hours of quiet time, where I can rest or knit, crochet, get on the computer, etc while he plays independently.

I'll occasionally set up paints or something for him before rest time begins, but more often than not he uses the time to build with legos, climb trees in our yard, get out soap buckets to wash his bike, etc. I have also found him to be most creative during this time.

Then in the afternoons we head to a park or do something active to balance it all out.

It works out really well, and I wouldn't have it any other way! Good luck!!

 

[elfinbaby]

We probably have some things in common. I'm typically introverted and love alone time although, w/4 kids, it's just not going to be the same as pre-children days. My first ds is also similar to yours. His first 5 yrs. were the toughest in many ways. I also have a dd w/Rett Syndrome so we have a lot of medical issues/disabilities to deal with. However, she does go to public school. This past year would have been a little easier in general but, wouldn't you know it, ds 2 came along in June so I was trying to juggle my 2 oldest, very unique children, w/my sassy pre-schooler, and my newborn.

I don't really have an opportunity to pursue my own interests right now. When I don't have a newborn, I'll catch up on that - which will be happening soonish I think. Between dd's seizures and nursing ds2, we really don't sleep but I'm okay with that. Things wax and wane. I'm willing to take care of or deal with whatever is on my plate knowing that there are going to be days when things are easier/harder.

I guess since I am totally committed to homeschooling, I'm willing to suspend my needs temporarily. That's not saying I haven't looked at dh and said "I'm leaving this afternoon. I don't know where I'm going but I'll return in a few hrs." When I need to have time, I take it.

I can tell you also that I am so glad ds1 is home with me. He has always been high energy, high needs, quirky (less as he gets older), and, in general, a pretty serious child. He's extremely cerebral. Having him home with me has bonded us in a way that wouldn't have been possible if he were at school. I think he is an easier going (that's saying ALOT) and happier kid b/c he's homeschooled. I also think he feels good about himself in a way that he may not have if he had gone to school the past few years. That's my payoff - and it didn't come right away but I am reaping the benefits now.

I'm totally entrenched in babies and kids right now so, while we share some similarities, my day w/4 kids will look very different than yours. I just wanted to say that hsing is rewarding and worth it even if you occasionally have to give up a little alone time. However, w/1 child, I think it is totally doable. For instance, is there any quiet activity that your ds immerses himeself in? My ds loves to read, draw, and model clay. He can spend hours doing any of those activities. If ds2 is asleep, I can get a little me time

Are there any activities going on - co-ops, martial arts classes, etc. that he could participate in so you don't have to hand around the house all day?

 

[AnnR33]

I've been home with my kids for 8 yrs now and have gotten good at setting aside time for myself and I protect it fiercely

After "school" is done during the day I try to set aside an hour or so for the kids to go off on their own and play and I read/catch up on internet/etc.
This does not happen every day but it does work out most days. Since I'm pregnant now this is often my nap time if I'm wiped out and the kids have to stay inside but they are usually quiet.

My main alone time is at night after the kids are in bed. I'm a night owl so from about 9pm until 11:30pm my time is my own. Yes, I do a little housework, but it's mostly "me time" to craft, read, etc. Without this time each day I'd go nuts but it's enough for to relax and recharge for the next day.

I also do "girls night out" once a month or so and DH is good about reserving the night for me.

I have not taken any classes lately but in the past I've taken yoga or tai chi or other classes on a short term basis too.

I guess I look at homeschooling/being a full-time mom as my "profession" and I don't see it as a trial or something to "get thru" but rather a positive thing I'm doing for my kids now and in the long run. That perspective helps me when things get rough

 

[Momma Aimee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ex Libris Hi everyone, After reading Raising Cain, I'm seriously considering hs'ing my 5 yo son. Before he was even born I had planned to hs, but I've found over time that I really would like to have time for myself to pursue my own interests. I'm an introvert who needs alone time (not a lot, but some every day), and my son is a very spirited, high-needs kid with medical problems (that can translate into sleep and behavioral problems). Frankly, the last 5 years have kind of kicked my butt. I don't think he would thrive in school--he's too active and high energy even for a private school with small class sizes--but I'm not sure I have the energy to have him home all day every day. Is there a way to hs and still have a life for myself? What would that look like? I'd appreciate any advice or resources you can offer. Thanks, Kelly

my son (oldest) is only 3

but i see where you are at. He has a SN and sleep, eating and behavior are all a constant drain on me. he can be very sucvcessful but it take a lot from ME

but then again THAT is parenting, and no one told me it was gonna be easy.

We will be homeschooling as i doubt how confident and successful Theo would be in a class of even 20.

But -- BFF had done both, Home and public and I know that with all the running to and from, and the homework and the this and that and the other, their life is a lot of peaceful with school at home.

I don't know that i will have a lot of quiet time or down time, we do quiet time in teh afternoon -- npa for now, some day quiet reading --

but if my life is more Peaceful, if full and busy -- that is fine by me.

I personally do not want to trade hours of an empty house for the challange of early mornings and the fights of homework and the fustration and emotional stress i KNOW school would cause him -- at least the frsit few years ...

just my thoughts.

Aimee

 

[elizawill]

my kids play by themselves a lot, or sometimes i sit on the porch and read while they play in the backyard. i also take a book to the park when we go & sit on the bench while they play. plus - we have a bedtime! i know that's a bad word to some mamas here - but man... i need a bedtime for my kiddos. so i guess i feel i get a lot of alone time....although i'm never really alone, lol.

 

[phathui5]

Could you use the same money that you're spending on private school to have a mother's helper come play with him a few hours every day?

 

[Ex Libris]

Wow, what great ideas and perspective you've given me. I appreciate all of your responses. I really feel in my heart that hs is the best thing for ds. I just needed to hear that it's doable to have something of my own even when hsing. I can get a mother's helper and build in some down time for all of us, like some of you suggested. And as AnnR33 said, I can see what I'm doing as a positive thing for both me and my child, rather than something to survive. It's all a matter of attitude, like so much in life. Oh, and we definitely do a bedtime over here, for all of our sakes! So there's always the evening . . .

Thanks for the encouragement!

Kelly