[xelakann]

We are having a homebirth. My DH is wonderful and we will be doing hypnobabies... but I have a 16 month old, who will 22 months when new baby comes.

We have childcare planned (a good friend agreed to watch West) but I think I'd rather have DH take care of him.

Really I am hoping we go into labor in the middle of the night and my DS stays asleep so I can have my DH there, but if I go into labor in the early evening, I think I will have DH take care of our son until he falls asleep or until I REALLY need my DH there (in which I would call my friend over to take our DS to her house).

Based on our last birth, my DH didn't really help (didn't NOT help either) much during the birth. Not his fault. I became very private and didn't want to be touched or talked to. So he just hung out and tried not to fall asleep. During the pushing phase I loved having him there as I knew how exciting it was for both of us, but other wise I had 2 midwives, and apprentice and a doula.

This time I will have 2 midwives and an apprentice.

We don't have family near by and for some reason I am really stressing about what to do with our son.

 

[OTMomma]

While I wouldn't want a stranger to take care of my child during labor, or the days after birth (one reason we homebirth)- I think a friend is OK. I would plan to do lots of playdates with your friend between now and September so your son is very comfortable with her. However, I would worry about your dh being as available as you need him to be if he is solely in charge of your child. Could your friend even come to your house to keep your son? That way, your dh could help with your son, possibly in another room of the house- and be there for you if/when you need him. Your second birth may go very differently in time and rhythem than your last, and there may be things you need him to do. How does your dh feel about this? How would he feel if he had to miss seeing his second child born because he was in charge of ds and labor went faster than expected?

Personally- we are still debating if we will have a friend come to our home to keep our children for the birth, or even hire someone, or if we will send them to a friend's house. I agree that laboring and birthing at night would be ideal. With my son's birth- I went into labor in the middle of the night, and if that happens again I think we would let the kids sleep until morning then send them to a friend's house to return after the birth. My son was born around 2 PM, and my dd went out for the morning and returned just in time to see him born- but I don't think my 2 year old ds will be ready to be at a birth this time.

 

[xelakann]

Laura great advice--Thanks. My friend was my doula at my last birth. She and I didn't know each prior just really clicked and stayed good friends. She said she'd be happy to come to our house and trade-off with my hubby. She did hypnobabies with her birth so she'd be a good person there no matter what.

My DH was not too keen about not being around for the birth, but understands my apprehension about West. He (my DS) is just really shy and again I'm just hung up on this right now.

But I think it is resolved with my friend coming over to our house.

 

[deymm]

We have to figure out what to do with our 5 yo. Thankfully we live about 3 blocks from our best friends, so our kids are best friends as a result. If I was laboring/birthing during the day, he could just go there (or he'd be at school--he will be going to all day kindergarten). If it's at night, my screaming will probably wake him, so I'm not sure what we'd do. My friend has 4 of her own and it doesn't seem fair to ask her to come take care of my one, you know?

 

[OTMomma]

Kimberly- Glad you figured out a solution! Your friend sounds like the perfect person to have there for both you and your son.

Deb- Personally, I think its OK to ask someone to go an extra mile for you while you are birthing. I've heard many many stories of children sleeping through the night while a sibling was born/mom labored despite noises- but I bet your friend would agree to walk the few blocks to come and get your son if he woke in the middle of the night and needed to leave.

 

[noodlegirl]

We are haing a homebirth as well and there is a good chance my DH won't be around for the birth, or at least not involved in the labor either. Honestly, I like women only births and DH is scared by birth so it might be better to leave him out of it until the baby is immenient. I will have the midwife, her assistant and a doula so I feel like I will be well supported. If Dh can focus on childcare duty than that is just one less thing for me to worry about so all the better!