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Discussion Starter #1
I don't know how to begin. I'm experiencing what I think is my third very early loss in less than 5 months. The first two happened before we started TTC, the first one I'm even less sure of than the other two. I had a feeling I *might* be pregnant, and af was late and very heavy, but I had no other symptoms. I'd had an oral infection and was relieved to see af b/c I had to have my wisdome teeth out as a result of the infection and really didn't want to be prenant for the surgery. I didn't test until the day before the surgery, and then only to confirm that I was NOT pregnant.<br><br>
The second time, I conceived during a cycle when I had had a UTI, and af showed at about 10 or 11dpo, as well as I can figure. I tested the day before, BFN. But I was nauseous and hungry and easily fatigued. I *felt* pregnant, even if the test didn't confirm it, and I grieved, as if I had been pregnant.<br><br>
This third time, we had stopped using bc and were open to concieveing, but not TTC really intensely. I think I may have felt conception occuring, and within a few days I was again nauseous, hungry, easily fatigued, and my breasts got really sore (sorry if TMI) I tested at 10 dpo, BFN, and decided to wait until 13 or 14 dpo to test again. Today is 13 dpo and I am cramping and bleeding (bright red), my temp went down this morning, and all my other symptoms are gone. I was very healthy this cycle, there is nothing I can blame this loss on, unless it is that I had a long, busy day yesterday, but that shouldn't be enough to cause this, should it?<br><br>
I just can't believe this is happening. I don't know where to turn for support. I want babies so badly. Yesterday, I spent the day with a friend and here 7 mo/old (who was conceived unexpectedly) believing that I would soon have a baby of my own. Now I feel devistated. But it's so hard to know how to talk about it or who to talk to, because I never had any confirmation of pregnancy. I can't stand to think that the very real, physical symptoms I experieneced each time were "all in my head." I want to believe in the realitiy of these conceptions. But I am now beginning to be afraid to try again.<br><br>
How do those of you who have experienced multipul losses find the strength to keep trying? What sustains you?
 

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I couldn't read this and not post a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">. I'm so sorry you're going through this! I haven't experienced a pregnancy loss, but haven't TTC yet either. I really feel for you right now!<br><br>
Maybe you could give yourself a mini-break for a cycle or two, and just focus on getting lots of sleep, eating really well, and exercising. Those things all help me put things in perspective when I feel hopeless.<br><br>
Best wishes to you and your family!
 

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OMG I am so sorry for your loss. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
The stories you tell remind me so much of what happened with me last summer; the only difference is that I went out (bleeding and in pain) and bought a HPT to confirm what I already knew was going on. I was holding my positive test while the worst part of the day came and went.<br><br>
I'm not so sure it matters if there was a baby, a chemical, or a mis-self-diagnosis in this situation. You felt that there was a baby, you wanted there to be a baby, and you have every right to mourn that baby.<br><br>
My only advice is to treat your body as if you're TTC all the time. Do what you can to eat right, be active, take a prenatal vitamin, cut back drinking, smoking, caffeine, and/or any other practices in your life that might be unfriendly to pregnancy and relax (easier said than done, I know). If you really feel afraid then by all means approach a doc or midwife and see about getting tests run to make certain that your body is currently capable of getting an staying pregnant.<br><br>
Be gentle with yourself; whatever has gone on with your body it was almost certainly not your 'fault'. Things happen and it sucks. There are wonerful ladies here for support and encouragement. I'm sorry you're here with us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
-MQ
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks for the support lakeruby and M.Q. I'm feeling a lot better and more clear-headed today. We are going to take a couple of months off from TTC and actually avoid during that time. I think both my body and my emotions need a break from this roller coaster.<br><br>
I'm going to use the time to really focus on some projects I promised myself I'd finish earlier this spring, but have been procrastinating on. One is to get rid of some things that I no-longer use to make more physical room in my life for a baby. DH actually has more to do in this department, but he is also making steady progress--I'm the one being really slow about it. I also want to do some spiritual/emotional work, and see if that helps.<br><br>
I've been taking really good care of myself all year, actually. Eating well, trying to achieve my ideal weight, getting exercise, taking my vitamins, getting the medical check-ups I want before conceiving, etc. So I'll definitely continue with that. I think mostly what I need is an emotional break and maybe to re-focus a little bid. Spend less time day-dreaming on MDC and more time getting real things done. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Thanks again for your support. I'm really glad I have a place like this to come to.
 
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