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October 2006, I moved with my fiance (now my husband) to his country, The British Virgin Islands. My Father and his family came from Poland, My Mother is a more typical American, German Irish French and Cherokee mix.

My husband is African-Caribbean with a possible mix of Carib or Arawak Indian and some European as well. But in the US where we met at college, he was 'black' and I was 'white'.

Now I live here where it is 80-90% British Virgin Islanders who have lived here since the 1700 and 1800s, 10-15% mix of Guyanese, Dominican Republic and other caribbean islanders, maybe 5% 'european' looking people, very few of which are from America. I am 6 months pregnant with our first child.

I feel more comfortable going to the shop by myself during the day, I look like another tourist. it is when my husband and I do errands together that I really feel like an outsider.

What is going through your mind during the moment?
Usually thinking about our grocery list, if I will ever be able to know which store has the best deals on which products. Everything is so expensive compared to the US! Guess that is the price you pay to live on such a beautiful island.

What is going through your head about the people who surround you?
I wish they wouldn't stare at me so hard. Why don't they stare at me when I shop by myself? If it is my husband that makes the difference, why don't they stare at him? Maybe they are just looking at my belly.

What do you perceive will be their treatment of you?
I always have a smile for people and they either pause and then smile back and look away real quick or sometimes I am ignored all together once I smile and say good afternoon. I have stopped having a perception of how people will act although I have found that the Guyanese women are very friendly to me and I feel it is because they know how I am treated- also being here married to BVI men.

How do you act in response to all this stimuli?
I don't always act like myself- I put on a mask- a shell almost. i do not feel free to be myself. I think I act timid and quiet. I wonder if I will be treated differently once I have a baby in my arms- will people just look at the baby? Every now and then when i notice a piece of lint or something on my shirt and pick it off I have a flash of realization that I will never be this self-involved again. Once my child is born my thoughts will center around him 99 if not 100%. I think I will be more comfortable in my skin and I practice feeling what that strength will feel like and living it now. I don't want my child to grow up feeling second class or like an outsider because I am not from here. I am practicing feeling confident and like I belong because I do not want to pass my insecurities onto my child.
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