This Frustrates Me: What do you think?

Yeah, that irritates me, too. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, actually. I was going to do a post asking if other single moms felt the same way........

when you get to the point where you're actually making it work (sort of) - living on one income, working, going to school, raising healthy happy kids - do you ever find yourself, um, kind of snobby about it ? : I try not to judge others, but sometimes I find myself getting so annoyed by other people's complaints. I find myself thinking "well, if I can do ALL OF THIS, then you can certainly manage to go grocery shopping ".
(please don't flame me - TOTALLY not saying any of you guys are "snobby" )

As for your friend - he sounds like heaven. And Steph's right, his ex probably won't appreciate it unless she looses it Not all men are lousy fathers, some of them just made lousy husbands for their wives. Maybe their chemistry was just wrong and she can't see past that to all the great things he does for their dd.

I admit to being lucky in having a great dad for an X, it's just that he can't pay me any money. It's not that he won't, he can't. I would literally bow to him if he did all of that (your friends DC is lucky) I will take this as a wake up call to thank him more for what he does, and not critisize him as much for what he can't do.

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No, no, no. I've learned my lesson that if I DO get that cocky then life has a way of smacking me back into reality and something will happen to make life harder/different. I try to keep Karma from kicking me in the ass

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I kind of get what you mean with this. Sometimes I hear people complaining, and I have very little patience. While I sympathize with people who struggle in one way or another, I simply don't want to hear one negative story after another after I work my butt off doing what I do AND keep a positive outlook on life.

And my friend is heaven. He made some mistakes in his marriage (which basically include not giving his ex enough of his time since he was working two jobs so she could stay home with their daughter), but he tried very hard to be a good husband, even after she cheated on him.

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He and I are in a relationship, and I am witness to his situation. He really is a bundle of joy!

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Hugs, BelovedK!

Yep. I try really hard not to pass judgements on others, but I do find myself thinking, "I was 37 weeks pregnant, caring for another child and working a FT job when he called FROM WORK to tell me he wasn't coming home anymore and *I* managed to hold it all together and we're all thriving, so why can't..."
Like a friend who's bf went away for 2 weeks for school and she was all "Oh, it's sooo hard... I am my kids' only call person til (bf) comes back! I have to take care of them *myself* for two weeks!!" Now, she works only PT, I work FT. She had to do this for 2 weeks, I've been the only EVERYTHING for my kids for three years and counting. When I'm sick, I *still* have to care for my kids - it doesn't matter what is going on with me, I still have to be everything for my kids. So, I have to admit, I felt a little grouchy towards her for making such a big dramatic deal about having to go it alone for two weeks.
In retrospect, she's never had to go it alone before - even when she and bf broke up, her parents were right there for her and basically took over and she only had one child at the time, so I'm sure it was very scary for her. But she really wasn't alone, either - she had her parents right there and friends... but I'm trying to be more understanding of her feelings.

ED - i have learnt not to be affected by others situation. i have tried not to 'gloat' about how hard my situation is (not saying any of u guys are doing it). it is probably harder for you since u r in a relationship with ur friend and when u know he is genuine and sincere.

but everybody has their own reality. their own opinion. u know like childbirth. some can endure the pain some just cannot and need medication. it is just how one perceives things. is one bettre than the other. i am not trying to simplify your friend's situation... but one his ex probably doesnt know what's it like not to have what she has and plus she has her own ideas of where he is failing. i dont blame her for how she thinks. she just doesnt know.

the fact is no matter what the reason is one feels something. and i feel it is always right to respect their emotion.

now how does ur friend feel about this? does her behaviour irk him? or does he not really care?

honestly in ur shoes i wouldnt be irked. that part of his life is not your business iykwim (i do understand where u r coming from...). it would be if it makes ur friend upset. i would look at it and think what a good father and partner he would be. and responsible and understanding too.

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LOL - Karma and I have had a couple knock-down-drag-outs and we've come to an understanding. Trust me, I've learned all my lessons twice the hard way

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I really do try to stay partial and not get irked at friend's X - but he comes to me, sounding so sad, talking about how he refuses to be a deadbeat dad and how he wats to break the mold of crummy ex-husbands and absent fathers... It is the sadness in his voice when he asks me, "Why isn't it enough, Daffodil?" that contributes to my internal frustration with his X. That, and since I am in a relationship with this man, there is a very real possibility that I will be around his x-wife in the future if he and I ever get married.

Also, I too try not to gloat about how hard things are - my classmates didn't even know I was a single mom (working two jobs, going to night school, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, yadayada) until very recently. When I am asked how I make it with so much on my plate, I just smile and say I make it work.

I have to take what guys say with a grain of salt, sorry. My ex went around telling people all about what a great dad he is and how he "raised" my daughter until she was age 3 because I was out partying. The truth is, he hasn't paid child support EVER, in the 7 years of my daughter's life. I stayed home and breastfed my daughter. Partying? What? Anyway, there's so much more that happened, but the point is that he always tells girls lies about his situation. He probably couldn't get a date otherwise.

I am not saying that your friend is like my ex. Just saying, I distrust what guys say about their fathering and their exes.

ALSO! I really am annoyed with the disparity between men and women here. Has anyone ever thanked ME for all that I do for my daughter? I have gotten nothing but BS and criticism from my ex and his parents. But a dad does what he is supposed to be doing and he deserves a pat on the back? My ex would take my daughter to the park every blue moon, and get all these oohs and ahhs from moms and grandmas. Does anyone do that when I take her to the park? So, I have to say, I have a hard time feeling sorry for someone who is pretty much doing the thankless job of regular parenting.

This is what my friend wrote about being a dad. I thought it was so sweet!

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I know how lucky *I* am, esp reading on here! I understand the urge to belittle anothers trials as so much less than a single on-her-own-financially mom. My ex husband is very good with the financial assistance- hes renting us a home to live in and will pay the bills. He comes to visit about once a week... hes very emotionally unstable and although he loves the kids he doesnt have a very meaningful relationship with them. I have thanked him many times for all of this! I know I have it so good- because I am so pooor and he now holds the cards he could force the visitation order to be changed, etc. I have sole custody, with only supervised visitation, because of his drug issues and his mental/emotional instability. He has told me he wont force the issue, he wants us to have a decent working relationship, and for me to trust him and choose to change these things. This was a few days ago. I finally told him it was due to his instability and he actually agreed he has some issues, and he ought to do *something* about it! we will see what comes of that....

exuberant daffodil - he sounds like such a treasure! my ex-h also misses his kids, and cries over it and thinks of us a lot, but he doesnt get involved positively in their day to day life. His ex wife shouldn't kiss the ground he walks on but I think it sounds like a little appreciation is overdue. But I dont know the whole story of course..

Aw... I am very sorry that I came off like he trash talks his ex wife. He really doesn't. He speaks very highly of how she is a fantastic mother, and some of the solutions she has come up with for common childhood issues I've actually started to adopt on my own. I feel I have a lot to learn from both her and him, as well as their situation. They co-parent together very effectively and see eye-to-eye on how they want to raise their daughter together. I have a lot of respect for the both of them because they really take their daughter's well-being into profound consideration.

I guess my frustration stems from how he'll go above and beyond expectations with his ex wife to make sure she is well taken care of, and yet she gives him a very hard time when he does something for himself (he just bought a new truck, and that didn't go over very well with her), and has a very hard time admitting that he is an exemplar ex husband. I guess they just have a very hard time communicating with each other on every topic EXCEPT their daughter. Hence, why they are divorced.

Personally, I have a hard time accepting most stories from men, too, because my ex told all of his friends and co-workers that "the condom broke" when in reality we didn't use one. He told everyone that I cheated on him and he didn't know if the baby was his so he had to break up with me, when we both know full well I did not. To keep from looking bad with the people he knows, he tells them that I am a super witch who won't let him see his son, when in reality I tried very hard to keep the visitaions regular and considerate of ds. I can very easily slip into a man-bashing mentality, but I have to remind myself that although few and far between, there are GOOD men out there who don't only think of themselves, who love their children, who are respectful to women and mothers.

When we find those rare, good men, maybe we don't have to kiss the ground they walk on, but showing appreciation and respect for them is a positive way to live our lives - because I know I appreciate it when those in my life show at least occasional gratitude for the everyday things that I meticulously take care of. I feel glowy inside when someone notices the extra steps I take to make sure my child is taken care of, loved, secure, filled with healthy food, and educated. I don't need that every day, but it sure is nice when it happens.