Hey everybody!! This is for anyone and everyone out there. Please feel free to make comments and ask any questions. I just had twins this past march. I am currently living in Taiwan with my parents, they are teachers here. I am 20 and single. About a year ago, I had this hot fling with a guy named Sean. We had decided to start dating and about 2 weeks into it, I found out I was pregnant. Twins don't run in my family and they are fraternal. Well...I wasn't sure if Sean was the dad or not and right when I found out I decided to tell him and tell him that I wasn't sure if he was the dad. He acted and took full responsibility that he was. He wanted adoption and I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep my baby or give it up for adoption. I was 19 at the time. About 4 months prior to this, I tried to commit suicide for the 3rd time in a year. I was going to a psychologist for it and was recommended that I take meds. Sean and I decided to become good friends and we both agreed that we needed to have a good relation with one anther. I didn't expect him to stay in any contact with me at all! I was shocked! For an entire month, he called me everyday to ask how I was doing and what not. We hung out often, but it was mostly physical when we did. I was in a crappy job that I ended up quiting and got a new better job at a hotel. I knew my life was a mess! I was raised Christian and decided to turn my life back into God's hands. I didn't want to, but at the same time, I did. I was addicted to smoking pot and cigarettes and sex. I lived a crazy and wild lifestyle. It took me a month to quit smoking cigarettes but I only lessened up on smoking pot. I know how bad it is for you, pleae dn't judge me. If you have ever had an addiction, you know how hard it is to quit them. I had no idea how to get back into my walk with Christ. So, I started off by praying. I prayed whenever I felt torn, which was a lot! I decided to keep my child whether Sean wanted to or not. It was the right decisoin for me to do. I didn't hear from him for a month! I tried to call him but he never returned my calls. Then I finally heard from him! He had a new gf who was living with him and he claimed that he had stopped drinking. He's a severe alcoholic. We tried to talk how we would work things out if I kept the baby. He had changed his mind during the month but didn't bother to call me about it.We both agreed that the child should mainly live with me because I'm the mother. Well, needless to say, I heard from him less and less. He didn't come to any of my doc's appointments and we always fought whenever we talked. I decided that I needed to have the support of my parents and they happened to live in TAiwan. Well when I was 14 weeks along I found out I was going to have twins! I was shocked! I moved to TAiwan, quit smoking pot and just focused on my relatinoship with Christ. It really put things in perspective. I had so much anger against Sean and all the hurtful things that happened. I joined a women's bible study and prayed that God would give me compassion towards him and take my bitterness away. I don't like staying mad at people. I wanted nothing to do with Sean. Well, I didnt contact him at all until about 2 months ago. I felt lead to contact him and I wasn't sure why. I didn't want to because of all the custody issues that could happen. It was a scary thought. I decided to write a letter and apologize and just tell him that his kids were born and how much they weighed and their names. I sent it to the only address he gave to me, which was his parents', via my friend Ryan. Ryan was in a similar situation as me, except he's the dad. When I heard it from the dad's point of view, I felt terrible for how I treated Sean. Sean's mom wrote to me via e-mail and her daughter went through a similar situation. Sean is in prison for violating his probation by drinking. His mom gave me his address so I could write to him and I did and have been. I have recieved one letter so far. He says that he's sorry and asks for my forgiveness and he too has given his life back over to God. I was very glad to hear that and we both want the best for our children. We both agree to have a relationship that the kids will benefit from. Right after I heard from Sean's mom, I didn't hear from my friend Ryan. It's funny how some people are in our lives for a specific reason. God has given me compassion through my friend Ryan. I don't have so much anger towards Sean anymore and sharing the kids isn't so scary. I plan on living here for about 3 years and then moving back. Sean understands and isn't mad about the situation. I just hope that he stays changed and gets help for his drinking. I'm not stupid...he still has a long ways to go to prove himself fit. But it's a start. It's something I've prayed about so much! My beautiful children were born on 3/6/06 via c-sec and Andrea weighed 5'6 and Ethan was 6'14. Both very healthy. Ethan now weighs 18lbs and Andrea is 15lbs. They are 4 1/2 months old. I love me children so much and wouldn't redo anything in my life over the past 3 years. (the events leading up to my children) I hope this encourages someone out there. Please make comments!