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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Duh, right? I guess I'm jsut looking for a little support.<br><br>
I just starting working full-time. My dh is a teacher so he is home now with 19mo ds and 8yo dd, so that's cool. In August, when dh begins school again, ds will go into daycare. He's already enrolled. I could go on about this subject, but that's not what this particular post is about.<br><br>
My time at work is pretty demanding. Not necessarily stressful, just a lot to do with the hours I have. So, I don't have time to, say, run out and run an errand, check email, make phone calls, etc.<br><br>
When I get home, everybody wants me. So I make dinner (and everyone likes different things and is picky and it is VERY challenging... again, a whole 'nother issue I'm not getting into here). Then I get as much QT with baby before he goes down. Then as much QT with dd before she goes to bed. Then any QT time with dh I can manage if I'm still awake. There's no QT for me, myslef. On the weekends, if I want to go shopping, get my haircut, or whatever, I feel guilty for leaving dh alone with the kids (he's with them all day everyday and understandably needs a break too).<br><br>
I did manage to go to a crop last Friday night (I'm a scrapbooker) with a friend and got a lot done and it was so fun.<br><br>
All my life, I have been a person who exercises. I have played sports on teams, played tennis with anyone I can find (dh and I used to play a lot "BC") and have done NIA and step aerobics and whatever. I enjoy exercise. I can NOT manage to find time to exercise and I need it! I'm not overweight, yet... but I'm squishy! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I'm not necessarily looking for advice, just... ugh. I'm struggling to find balance.<br><br>
Thanks for reading.<br><br>
Oh, and I miss MDC like crazy! I was truly addicted when ds was little and the computer was in the living room (we've since moved into a bigger house and it's in the office now) and I was on there every chance I got! I think this is my first time on in a month or so!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s<br><br>
I totally remember what you are talking about. I went back to work when DD was 13 months, and DH became the SAHD. He didn't get it until I spelled it out for him. I felt like I had to be "on", every.minute.of.the.day. You nailed it - exhausting!!<br><br>
I don't have a lot of advice right now, but I just wanted to offer support. I manage to get in some exercise by walking or biking to work. And I use my lunchtime for JUST ME. (read: MDC surfing!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Hang in there, mama.<br><br>
~Diane
 

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((hugs))<br><br>
I am in the same boat as you. I just went back to work 2 months ago and it has been incredibly hard. The girls are 2 and 4.<br><br>
My father is watching them until they start daycare in August and thankfully my schedule is decent. I work a mile from home and I am with them for an hour before work, come home at lunch for and hour and am home just after 5 everyday.<br><br>
By the time I get home, play with the kids, get dinner on the table, bathe, dress, read, talk and lay with them - I am exhausted.<br><br>
I feel like I am failing as a wife because I can't keep my eyes open past 9 pm to spend time with my husband. I feel like a horrible mother because I think that I should be home with them. Time to my self? Very rarely.<br><br>
I wish I could give you good advice on how to balance it all but I need it as badly as you do. You're not alone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the support.<br><br>
I always look forward to Thursdays b/c it's my last day of work and I can be home with my family for the weekend. But in a way, I look forward to Mondays too so I can go to work and "rest!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Is there anyone who does this who isn't exhausted? There is so much else to do, like cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, yardwork, keeping up with the mail, keeping in touch with friends and family, keeping up with my email, running my (very small) Mary Kay business, reading my subscription mags, reading professional materials, talking with dh about all kinds of house/financial/childcare decisions, church duties (I'm on the board), staying abreast of issues I care about... this is all in addition to the daily duties of effective and nurturing childrearing.<br><br>
Whew.<br><br>
I can't yet figure out how to prioritize my time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Hi. OP here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wave.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wave"><br><br>
I'm just bumping b/c I would love to get some more feedback on the subject of finding and maintaining balance...
 

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First, kudos to you for doing all this, it is tough and it sounds like you are already doing a good job!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:<br><br>
As far as balance goes, that's a tough one. Here are some ideas that we either do or have done in the past to make our lives a bit easier. Best wishes!!<br><br>
-Pre-made meals. Make a bunch of stuff on Saturday and put it in the fridge for the next week. This way things just need to be warmed up and if you are super busy your DH can easily do this. It does take a little time up front but really helped eliminate a lot of stress for us.<br><br>
-No in week commitments. As much as we want to see friends and family it was added stress to commit to things during the work week. Now we only make plans on the weekends and rarely make exceptions.<br><br>
-Me time. Like you, I have to have some time to myself. Even if it is once or twice a month. It is easier for DH to be on board with this because I will do the same for him. Maybe you can your DH can make a "deal" so you can each still participate in hobbies you love.<br><br>
-Perspective. DH and I have talked a lot about this. This period of time we are in won't last forever. Right now it is tiring and a little stressful but it won't always be. Remembering that our time with our son is short helps us stay focused on whats important!<br><br>
Best wishes finding some balance <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:
 

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Excellent feedback CityChic!<br><br>
This too shall pass is so important to remind ourselves.<br><br>
To the OP -- I was a sahm and I didn't resent all the time I spent with the kids on the weekends; check with your dh; he may not either -- we spelled each other every few weekends -- 1/2 day here or there.<br><br>
Meals: I love "Lets Dish" -- my kids will eat most of the meals. Not too unhealthy. Crock pot. Leftovers. Gonna buy a rice cooker, too. Pasta, scrambled eggs, sandwiches ...<br><br>
Exercise. That is critical to me also -- I fear for my health, but I, also haven't found the time. I would say 1/2 hour in the am, but we get up at 5:45 am as it is and my kids are in bed with me most mornings so I'd wake them unnecesarily early.<br><br>
But, maybe 1/2 hour in the morning would work for you -- a run, a bike ride??? Or could you commute to work by bike? We are very bike friendly here and I used to ride a lot.<br><br>
Other balance: mommy's nights out; mommy's monthly lunch with friends etc. Daddy gets a bit of the same.<br><br>
That said -- when I was working ft this past 4 1/2 months -- everything slid at home including my attention for my poor kids and I hated it, but then I am a solo householder (going through a divorce) so there is no one but me ... when I go back to work in the Fall (I am hoping) I am gonna have to find another way.<br><br>
So, lets keep the ideas coming!<br><br>
M
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>meandmine</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11633232"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Meals: I love "Lets Dish" -- my kids will eat most of the meals.</div>
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What is this? Is it like Super Suppers, which is a franchise place where you go there and assemble meals to keep in your freezer?
 

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NO brilliant ideas here, just commiseration! I do manage to fit in the exercise, only by getting up really early. I miss NIA though. I used to love NIA but the classes are not held when I am available right now. I have stuck with running and strength training because they are free and I can fit them in without having to get to a class at a particular time.<br><br>
would love to hear more ideas too!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>granolalight</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11633535"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What is this? Is it like Super Suppers, which is a franchise place where you go there and assemble meals to keep in your freezer?</div>
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Yep. It works really well for my small family. I split the dinner for six people and that feeds us, so if I sign up for four meals I am really making 8 meals. More expensive than the grocery store, but lots cheaper than eating out (which we did last night, darn) and really easy to pull off when I get home.<br><br>
M
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>meandmine</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11635763"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yep. It works really well for my small family. I split the dinner for six people and that feeds us, so if I sign up for four meals I am really making 8 meals. More expensive than the grocery store, but lots cheaper than eating out (which we did last night, darn) and really easy to pull off when I get home.<br><br>
M</div>
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I love this idea, and have done it at Super Suppers a few times. Problem is, dd doesn't eat meat (or hardly any vegetables) and dh doesn't eat most vegetables. And ds is so picky too. So meals are so challenging. I hate it, really. There are very few meals we make that everyone likes. Often, everyone of us is having something different.
 

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Funny- I just ran across your post, Granolalight.<br><br>
I would never have imagined that you felt this way!<br>
You look like you have it ALL together... :)<br><br>
I feel almost exactly like you described in your OP<br><br>
I really like the advice that <i>it won't always be this way.</i><br>
Someone reminded me of that yesterday.<br><br>
dd is really cranky right now- she's got big teeth coming in- (the back ones)<br>
and she's so picky about what she eats and how she eats it.<br>
dh is sort of in a funk right now- hope he finds peace-<br>
and we eat different things for just about every meal.<br>
(I grew up where everyone sits down together to eat.)<br>
so we sort of just eat when we are hungry- so no "meal time"<br><br>
exercise is where i feel the lack of balance the most.<br>
i have got to get back on a regular schedule...yikes!<br><br>
i wish i could just twinkle my nose like Bewitched and organize the house, clean the house, play with Merry, spend ME time reading, exercising, etc.<br><br>
But I just try to enjoy the time I have with them...<br>
And I try not to be embarrassed when my house is messy...<br><br>
:)<br>
You are an awesome Momma...I appreciate your friendship! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thanks moon.mom. I enJOY your friendship too! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Its so nice to have a thread like this!!! Thank you! As for balance - I don't have any tips, I work f/t and DH is a SAHD -and that rocks. I do feel "on" all the time, from going to work, being at work, and then coming home and fixing dinner, playing with munchkin-man, to picking up parts of the house. PHEW!<br><br>
DH has really stepped it up over the last 6 months and we're hitting a groove of duties, time to ourselves and etc. I'm encouraging him to become more involved with SAHD groups in the area for like playgroups, support and such. The downside is I'm not finding too many mom groups so I'm going a bit stir crazy since we just moved from a city where I had a great circle of friends and support to none except my family. (which is nice, but ... not always the same!)<br><br>
I'll just be crusing this thread to pick up any tips - I love the pre-made meals idea!, but more or less I just wanted to give some good vibes to you!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thanks, ktg, and welcome to mdc! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Welcome.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="welcome"><br><br>
I feel like I am getting better at balancing everything. At least for now. One of the things I've let go is my standard of housekeeping. Something had to give, and that was it.<br><br>
In a month when dh goes back to work (he's a teacher) and dd starts school again and ds begins daycare for the very first time ever <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes">, I'm sure we will have new challenges. Because then comes schedules and soccer and girl scouts and football games, and scrambling when there are half days of school or when the daycare (or school) calls and says, "your kid is sick and needs to go home..."<br><br>
Breathe.<br><br>
Again.<br><br>
I just take it one day at a time and know that I am doing the best I can, as noted in my siggy... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I just had a breakthrough about the whole "balance" idea a day or so ago, though maybe it's obvious to everyone but me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> If so, just ignore me!<br><br>
I think when we talk about finding balance, it's easy to think of it as something static - that we need to get it somehow and then keep it forever. But the reality of life with kids, as well as work and everything else in life, is that it's always changing! So that tension between work and home (and yeah, the me time) will always be there, and it can actually be good "creative tension" if we let it. It can signal that something needs to change, and as long as we don't slide into guilt (which hurts much more than it helps), it prompts us to get creative and problem-solve. Even better, none of our solutions have to be forever! We have the freedom to experiment - keep what's working while it does, change what's not working when it doesn't.<br><br>
* Deep breath * <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">: Thanks for listening <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>granolalight</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11620335"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is there anyone who does this who isn't exhausted? There is so much else to do, like cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, yardwork, keeping up with the mail, keeping in touch with friends and family, keeping up with my email, running my (very small) Mary Kay business, reading my subscription mags, reading professional materials, talking with dh about all kinds of house/financial/childcare decisions, church duties (I'm on the board), staying abreast of issues I care about... this is all in addition to the daily duties of effective and nurturing childrearing.<br>
.</div>
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JMO, but I think you are trying to do too much.<br>
When ds was an infant, i was happy if:<br>
I showed up at work on time and did my job well,<br>
everyone in the family looked decent,<br>
the house looked decent,<br>
everyone was adequately nourished.<br><br>
That's it. Also, dh was often away on business.<br><br>
Once ds got over 1 yo, I could slowly add tasks. When ds stopped nursing at night and sleeping through the night, sometime around 2 yo, I think by then I had been so exhausted for so long, that I forgot how to not be exhausted.<br><br>
hugs, it gets better. But I would definitely take some off of that plate were it mine.
 

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Oh OP...you are so me!!!!<br><br>
Actually, DH works too...but finding balance has been nothing less than a challenge. Like a previous poster said, this won't last forever so every day we get up and plough through our tasks one more time....but DD is worth every second of it!<br><br>
Regarding exercise: this has been my greatest challenge. For many years before I got pregnant with DD, I ran several hours a day and trained at marathon levels. That went down the toilet as soon as I got pregnant and had DD. I only had 6 weeks of maternity leave and then I compressed mucho work into the hours that I was at work so I wouldn't have to bring it home. Every waking (and sleeping) moment that I'm not at work I'm with DD...who is now 22 months. I'm fairly slim but EVERYTHING is hanging in a really terrifying way....so three weeks ago, I bought my first new pair of running shoes since before DD was born....two weeks ago...I bought a new pair of running shorts....last week...I bought three new pairs of running socks. I usually get up at 6:15 am. Monday morning, I'll start getting up at 5 am and hit the pavement. DH is usually up then doing his own coffee, reading, etc...and DD doesn't get up until 7:15...so I have no excuses! It'll hurt like Hades but I have to feel good about myself again.<br><br>
As a sidebar...I'm terribly jealous of people who have a lot of time to do whatever...like go to a movie, dine at sidewalk cafes, watch the Home & Garden channel. But oh hell, this is the life that DH and chose and I'd be lying if I didn't say there are big payoffs! (i.e. DD) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">:
 
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