Mothering Forum banner
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
961 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My new dd is only two weeks old and I shouldn't expect miracles but I am really struggling. My first dd has always been such an "easy" toddler. Besides not wanting to eat anything, we have had very little to deal with as far as "behavioral issues." It makes GD so easy!! She has always been such a sweet and easy little girl. Enter new baby and enter new phase. Now she will only eat bagels and dry cereal. I refuse to fight with her about food so that's all she's eating for now. Except she isn't pooping...

She is also crying and freaking out all the time. I am trying so hard to be patient and spend time alone with her and cuddle her and love her and give her lots of attention and love. I feel like I am neglecting dd2 some of the time. Time I would like to just cuddle her and get to know her.

Dd 1 is just acting like such a handful so much of the time and it is so hard to be patient when you haven't had enough sleep. I'm getting up so early and by lunch time I am exhausted.

I'm sorry to whine. I just needed to express my frustration. Yesterday was so much better. Maybe I am just having some kind of hormonal surge today.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,148 Posts
I don't have any solutions for you..Sorry.
I am here to say you're not alone. Dd2 was born 10/3/05. She is alert mostly at night and I am soooo sleep-deprived.
Also, dd1 will be two next month. She has been a very sweet, calm, easy child to deal with and in no need of discipline until recently... She suddenly launched into all the toddler behaviors my friends warned me about just around the time dd2 was born.
I have been low on energy & patience. I have also been feeling guilty for not giving dd2 as much attention. Dd1 is crying out for attention in the only ways she knows how and I can't neglect her, either.

My dh and I finally had to have our first serious discussion about discipline... We are not sure what we plan on doing... only what we plan on NOT doing.
Jenny
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
506 Posts
UHH.....I feel your pain. In fact, I want to burst into tears sometimes still and ds is almost 4mo. DD is 21 mths. and she was already a handful when ds was born. She's so energetic and a little spoiled too I must admit. Well not spoiled it's just that she got so much attention and she still exspects it. I can't say that is her fault. She had really hard time when ds was born b/c my birth was a medical event(long story in birth stories if your interested) and she withdrew and cries and was freaked b/c I was at hospital. She is acting out bad and I just want to hold her and cuddle her and let her know how special she is, but I also don't want to leave out ds b/c he's developing and need alot of attention too. What to do. She lays under his play thing and pretends to be a babe. She started sucking a paci and we let her b/c it seems to bring her comfort that she needs. I think this is just something that you get through the best you can by giving as much love and attention as you can without feeling guilty for sharing time with the other child/ren. My mom says its part of life and all must learn that others have needs to, it's just hard to teach a 2yo that, but it can be done. I read the books, but no advice can fill that aching void you have when one of your babes is struggling with something like this. Good luck and try not to feel too guilty. Whish I had some advice but I think I need some too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,084 Posts
My friend Mary says it is just uncivilized living w/a toddler and a newborn. EVERYONE loses their perspective some part of the day, and it makes it very tought o get through w/a sense of 'doing it right'. My only advice is to get OUT as much as you can. Get into mama groups, toddler groups, play groups, gymnastics, art, whatever you can find/affort/get to. It REALLY helps. I HIGHLY recommend swimming. It tires toddlers out more than anything else I've ever done or seen. Free swims are LOADS of fun. Get or make a swim sling for the babe and just get in there and enjoy. It's one of the few times the toddler really gets to act out w/out ramifications. If they want to sit on the steps, fine. Edge of pool, fine. In the water, fine. doesn't matter at ALL!

Are you tandem nursing? That's always hard, too, though better than weaning, sometimes. It's 50-50, unless the child clearly directs you one way or the other.

Lastly, make sure you are eating REALLY well. Get dh or someone to make food ahead so that it is cut, washed, cooked and ready to eat. I nuked food for like 3 months
It wasn't the BEST possible condition of the food, but it was healthy food that was in my belly and made me feel like I could at least make it till 8pm.

Speaking of which, it's midnight and time for me to sleep. I do hope you know how much your positive discipline means to her! Try keeping a copy of unconditional parenting around, for those REALLY hard moments. And
Hang in there - only 18 yrs. to go
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
961 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm not tandem nursing. Dd1 weaned when I was pregnant. I can't even imagine what that would be like! I have little glimmers of hope that everything will work out and then we will have a couple of hours when everything is a disaster! It's such a roller coaster.

I'm not even thinking about discipline. I know that dd1 is acting normally and I do not want to punish her in ANY way for feeling displaced or upset or angry or anything.

I know that getting out would be great but I am really struggling with how to manage a toddler and a baby--even with the baby in a sling. Dd1 wants to be held and carried most of the time (also a new development!) We are taking it an hour at a time and we had a really good night last night and a good morning so far so hopefully we will continue in a positive direction without to many set backs.

Thanks for the responses.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,148 Posts
Some days are definitely better than others. Yesterday, I had a glimpse of dd1's previous calm nature and we spent the day reading and focusing on one thing at a time.
Today, however, dd2 had a dr. appt. at 1PM (naptime for dd1
) and our family went to a wedding on the beach at 4PM.
I tried to have a positive attitude, but it was just too much interruption and stimulation for dd1 and she had several meltdowns.
We didn't have any behavioral issues today, though... Dd1 was obviously just cranky with good reason. It's undoubtedly past time for dh & me to visit the GD forum for research and ideas to implement, though. Dd1 is climbing on the kitchen table, smashing dishes, spilling things - all for attention, I'm sure - but it can get dangerous for her and dd2 as well as add extra cleaning for me and taking even more of my time from both dds. A floor full of shattered glass combined with a curious toddler and 1month frequently-nursing infant presents an interesting dilemma...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,578 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Harper

I know that getting out would be great but I am really struggling with how to manage a toddler and a baby--even with the baby in a sling. Dd1 wants to be held and carried most of the time (also a new development!) We are taking it an hour at a time and we had a really good night last night and a good morning so far so hopefully we will continue in a positive direction without to many set backs.

Thanks for the responses.
Hang in there - it does get easier.

Have you considered wearing your newborn in a wrap on your back, so that dd1 has free access to the front?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
299 Posts
Hugs mamma!

I know it's tough! My DD has always been a little over the top, but it was almost unbearable when DS joined our family.

I agree with PPs that getting out is one of the best things to do. It took DDs focus off of me and DS and gave her something to do. Also - patience, patience, patience. I know it's hard when you're sleep deprived, but I noticed a downward spiral trend whenever I would get frustrated with her acting out. As soon as I stopped the cycle, she quickly responded. DD also went through a "carry me" stage too (still kinda is). She has wanted to walk on her own since she could walk, but now that she sees DS being slung, she wants to be carried too. When I would say "I can't", or "you can walk yourself please", it would make her want to be carried even more. So whenever I can, I pick her up - even if that means going back to the car to get her when DS is safely inside. The more I say "yes", the less often she asks.

Good luck to you! It does eventually get easier. I noticed a peak of frustration around 4-5 months, and now that DS is almost 6 mos, it is getting a little better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
961 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I just had to share this. Two nights ago, dd1 was eating a bowl of blueberries. She looked at me and said the blueberries are all crying. I ask, why are they crying? She said: Because they want to hug their mamas but their mamas are too busy!! OMG! She's good! You don't need to be Freud to figure that out! It made me cry. She asks me for 3000 hugs a day and of course their are times when I can not oblige.

We're all still hanging in here. Some days are good, some not so good. I am trying to spend lots of time with her cuddling and kissing (and hugging!!). She seems to be doing okay and then she has some huge breakdown!

What fun.

Oh, and on another note, why does everyone I know have babies that sleep 6 straight hours and mine cannot seem to go more than 90 minutes?????? Why??????? Is it something I do wrong????????????????????
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,206 Posts
Count me in on the toddler newborn craziness. Ds1 is 20 months and ds2 is 2 months and I am losing it. I actually wished I never got married nor had kids and was still a swinging 20-something yesterday. I no longer want to unschool and instead can't wait to get back to working. I almost considered vaxxing ds1 so I could send him to daycare. Poor dh gets so much crap from me, but at least that means he is being guilted into helping more around the house. What really gets me is that ds1 doesn't talk; he just points and says, "Unh unh unh" in a really high pitched voice until I want to scream "Shut up!!!!!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
43,705 Posts


Life with 2 babies is hard- there's hormonal mama stuff going on, and everybody's adjusting to life with a new baby in the house.

With 2 babies, you simply can't "be there" for each of them the way you could when you only had one. It's nearly impossible to get through the day without feeling like you should have done more for one or both of them. Sometimes the best thing to do is lower your expectations and accept your limits. What's really neat is that, in a few months, they'll start interacting with each other and it's the most precious thing to see! I remember that life started to get easier when my younger DD was about 3mo and her big sister could entertain her for a few minutes at a time.

If your toddler isn't pooping at all, that could be contributing to her crankiness. I'd try offering fruit juices, especially pear. Normally, I prefer whole fruits to juices, but if she's not eating fruits or veggies, and getting constipated, then juice might be your best bet for now.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top