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Wow, you are in a very unequal relationship, some people might even say emotionally abusive. On the other hand, you have very clear needs that you can state clearly to your husband.

1. You want to name the baby, with his input. "Hippy name"? So what. This is a reasonable thing to want. If you are having a hospital birth, ask your healthcare provider for the birth certificate forms to be given to YOU.

2. When he disagrees with you, you want him to say "I disagree with you" instead of making statements about you (that you "are making yourself look stupid" or whatever.) Let him disagree with what you say, not put you down for saying it.

3. You want your work as a SAHM recognized as work, even though it is not paid work. If you had no disability and you did this work, it would still be work. Hard work!

If you have a documented disability, you could receive disability payments from the state. If you already do receive them, you know that you get docked the state payments in the amount of your wages from whatever job you have! This is why some disabled folks wind up working under the table. This should all be clear to your husband. He needs to stop bugging you about the paid work issue.

If your dh won't go to counseling, you go. The counselor will help you stick up for yourself. If she doesn't do that, find another counselor.

Someone here at MDC had a thread discussing the book Non-Violent Communication. That would be a good book for you and your dh to read. Here's a link to the first chapter of the book where it is posted online:

http://www.cnvc.org/bookchap.htm
 
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